Between the Lane Lines: Chronicles of a Redheaded Lifeguard

Quotables!

2011-10-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

KB: Your head is so soft! How is your head so soft?
Si: Cuz I just got it on Tuesday!

Danielle's chair gets stuck

Danielle: Hey! What has occurred?! Why can't I move?!

VA: Donuts are like fat people on diets: empty on the inside, round on the outside.

KB: Patience was jumping around and screaming a few minutes ago because we got a postcard from you.
Tim: well, i try to keep the ladies jumping

Hana: What would happen... if I bought a nail-art pen?
KB: .....The world would stop spinning? Why are you asking me this?

Ellie: If I get scared of the dark will you protect me?
William: Yeeeaaah, that'th why I'm holding your hand!

Ellie: Will you be my knight in shining armor?
William: Pwobly. I don't know.

William trips while walking
Daddy: You ok there?
William: Yeah. It'th a little twicky.

Daddy has just told William about Wilbur Wright making the longest flight at the Wright Brothers Memorial:
William: Wheah ith he?
Daddy: Six feet under.
William thinks about this for a few minutes
William: Even dough he ith five feet undew, I thtill heaw him.
All of us: ............??

Bryant: We need some jet skis. Preferably seven, but one would be fine too.

William: I want my flip-flopth.
KB: I'm lookin', baby, hold your horses.
William: *mournfully* I don't have any hortheth.

KB: You know what happens when nature calls and you let it go to voicemail.
VA: ........I am using that!!

Matt: Mosquitoes bite me everywhere I go!
KB: They love you!
Matt: I know! I wish better insects were attracted to me, like... butterflies, and squirrels.

Grace: Katie Beth, I've been thinking... what would happen if someone's head... fell off in the deep end? Wouldn't that be weird??

William: Thtop doing that with only youw undewpantth on!

Eric: Sit.
KB: Do I have to?
Eric: What?
KB: You told me to sit.
Eric: No, I'm sitting.
KB: Oh. You were just speaking your action.
Eric: Yes. It was an onomatopoeia.

Dan: Look at her hair! It's just magnificent! Isn't it magnificent? It's like you have a fire... and then it flows down like a river.

Matt: He'd better not splash me, I'm pregnant!

Genise: Trevor, did you know that Matt's pregnant?
Trevor: Again?

Hana: I am SO GLAD we reinforced this cake.

Hana: *on the phone with Michael* I think a rhino would play the tuba.

Hana: It's probably going to burn....
KB: Oh, it's going to burn.
Hana: No no, the cake. Either that or it's going to be baby food.

Genise: Made it...i hd a small freak out on the landing but i made it....flying....not one of my favorite things......
KB: Lol... Welcome home!
Genise: I only doubted the pilot for a minute or so....
KB: Haha... poor guy.
Genise: I know......but gotta give him his props......he did awesome!!!!
KB: Props... I get it. ;-)
Genise: I dont....i made a joke and dont even get it

VA: YOUR profile pic has an awkward ponytail.

KB: whatever

KB: now your head is just a question mark

VA: just like in real life.

KB: your head is a question mark in real life?

VA: mostly.

VA: Suppose... just for argument's sake... that there is a male person in your biology class.....................

A YouTube video dies

VA: Nooooo don't die on me don't die doop doop doop......

Ashley: Where is the candy?! I feel like my life is a lie!

Ashley: Ped Xing. That means Pedestrian Crossing. I swear I just got that.

KB: Don't cheat on Projector with that box!

Josh: I already did. I cheated on Projector with Car. But then Car tried to cheat on me with Another Car. They tried to kiss while I was driving. I was like, "Hey, no making out while I'm driving!"

Door closes

Patience: Mommy'th getting dreththed with Toto in there!!

Little kids: *collective gasp of horror*

Door opens again, Toto comes out, door closes

Patience: Oh good.

Little kids: *collective sigh of relief*

Jesse comes in and puts his arm around me while I'm saying goodnight to William:
Jesse: Goodnight, honey. Your mother and I are so happy to have you back, after your long absence, at the Joneses, in Nantucket.

Patience: Virginia, you are thelfish, becauthe you thtole my rhinotheroth!
VA: I stole your rhinoceros?

Patience: Yeth! You THTOLE my RHINOTHEROTH!
VA: ...Oh... I don't... REMEMBER... doing that....

Patience: Um, you know, I don't WANT to, but, Rebecca told me to come back here and tell you you were thelfish, but I think it'th becauthe you thtole my rhinotheroth.

VA: ...Oh... ok....

Patience leaves

VA: *sticks her head out the door* Hey, just so we're clear, I didn't really steal your rhinoceros, did I?

Patience: Virginia! Do you really think I have a rhinotheroth?!

KB: btw, you work till 8 :P

still not too late, but lateish

Hana: I am subbing tomorrow morning, and then working until oh thanks

Eric: *lying upside down on the couch* You know what's weird?

KB: What?

Eric: How you can lie upside down...... and your eyelids still close normally..........

Eric: Girls are afraid of everything.

Genise: What?

Eric: I said girls are afraid of everything.

Genise: Oh. I thought you said roaches are afraid of heaven.

Looking at my earring

Matt: It's like a hula hoop for a mouse.

Josh: Tell leprosy girl she should be a veterinarian doctor.

KB: Why?

Josh: ...I don't know.

Eric: Genise has a squishy nose.

Genise: Squish it!

KB: I don't really want to squish your nose....

Genise: Squish my nose!!

Rebecca: We need some helium balloons.

Patience: *serenely* Yeth. Tho we can have partieth.

Patience: Thith houthe would be really fun if it were upthide down.

Quotables!

2011-05-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Mommy: What are you drawing? A pinecone, you said?
KB: .......I said a unicorn.........

KB: Did you know that there's a State Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg? :-D
Hana: No way! You should go live there. :-D

VA: I have a new crush! *reading Facebook sidebar* Apparently he goes to my school, he is very handsome and funny, he dreams of me every night, longing to kiss me. Curious? Click!
KB: He goes to your school?......... It's William!!
VA: *happy face* Awww!!!!!

VA: Goodnight. I love you. *big kissy sound*
KB: *turns around* What??
VA: Not YOU. My guitar pick.
KB: Well I knew it wasn't me... I thought it was your laptop.

Alli: I only do dangerous things if they're not dangerous.

VA: You should hold up a sign that says "will text for food."

Katie: I think VA's gonna get to your house at like 2:30, so I probly will too

no point in me being there before her

Jackson: thats totally up to you

Katie: yeah, just wanted to let you know in case you were staring out the window hoping I'd be there soon :-P

Jackson: haha

Katie: "When is she gonna get here?! Where is she?! I miss her so much! Where is she?!"

Jackson: i'll make sure caleb knows then

haha

yes

those are my exact thoughts when you havent gotten ehre yet

Katie: I know

Jackson: ever second seems like a lifetime

and then

BAM

you're here

Katie: I'm sorry I put you through this torture

Jackson: and we're all ok

hakuna mattata

Anna: You're so SLENDER. And you're so CLEAN.

KB: There's a little man in a dress in our yard. Is that your wife?
Maggie: Ummmmm, I think that's Patience's wife. No wait, it is my wife. I forgot.

KB: I was gonna get free pizza with the president and everyone else at the whole school, but it was taking way too long, so Whitney bought some for me and Katrina from Mellow Mushroom.
VA: She bought you Katrina from Mellow Mushroom?? How rude... you might want to report that.
KB: While I admire your efforts at obfuscation, I stand by my syntax and defy your attempts to undermine it.
VA: Whatever.

VA: Oooohhhh, I am the laziest bum I know.

Mommy: I was going to say something to you, Virginia, but now I can't remember what it was... something in William's room reminded me of it.......... don't forget to go to work tomorrow.

VA: Thank you........

Mommy: That wasn't it though.

KB: Speaking of losing, I'm losing gallons of blood from my ankle right now.
Matt: Lol whatd u do?
KB: Cut it in the shower. It looked like someone had been murdered lol.
Matt: Just shows that showers r dangerous--take it easy on the cleanliness

KB: You're so cute.
William: No I don't!
KB: Yes you are!
William: Becauthe I don't want to be cute!
KB: .......I said you're so cute, and you said no I don't, and I said yes you are, and you said because... and that does not make any sense.
William: .......Do too!

Patience: *persecuted tones* I can't wait till I'm eight.
KB: Why?
Patience: Cauthe then everyone will thtop kiththing me.

KB: Hey Chicken? Do you know where all the staplers have gone?
William: Ugh! I don't LIKE dat thong!
KB: You don't like that song?
William: No! Even dough I have to go to a baffwoom! *runs out*

William: Maggie, it would be funny if Daddy glued ouw notheth to ouw cheekth and den we had to bweathe out of ouw moutheth. Ithn't dat twue?

Josh: If she were a chocolate bunny, like one that I received as a gift, I think she'd be the solid chocolate kind.

William: Mommy doethn't weally make me wash my disheth.
KB: Ok, you don't have to do it.
William: Tho pwoby you can.

Genise: *looking at a stack of items on the shelf at Belk* Man, you can't even buy this stuff anymore.
KB: You mean this stuff right here on the shelf...?
Genise: Shut up.

VA: Man, I've been drooling a lot lately.

VA: William was funny earlier. We were all in the living room and Patience was lying on the sofa in one of those sprawled-out positions and he licked her foot--
KB: What??
VA: --and I said, "William, don't do that! You don't know where her foot's been!" And he said... man, I forgot.

Later:
VA: Anyway, I said, "William, it could have been outside, or in dirt, or in dog poop..." and Patience said, "And I licked it mythelf."

VA: *talking about art class* Sea turtles are hard. It's hard to get the wings right.

KB: *flaps arms* Look, I'm flying!
VA: That doesn't prove anything.

Tim: Is Grace wearing pajamas or are those just the laciest shorts known to man?

Jordan: Matt, you look like a bug when you wear your goggles.
KB: Do I look like a bug when I wear his goggles?
Eric: No, you look more like a wildebeest.

Rebecca: I can't believe those flowers we got from the woods have lasted so long.
VA: Who are the Woods?

Anna: Our dog and the neighbors' dog are dating.
Tim: I don't think dogs date.
Anna: Ok, they're courting.

Kid: Two words: my turn, not yours.
KB: ...

Matt: They probably all got drunk on the way over.
KB and Trevor: What?
Matt: Do you know why I said that? I said it because I wanted to say "inebriated." Except I forgot to say it.

William: Would you like to know what I am having for thnack?
KB: Sure!
William: *opens hand* Kiththeth.
KB: Oooooo... *I* will give you some kisses....
William: NO. I already have thome kiththeth.

KB: Chubby, I hope you don't ever get fat, because then when we call you "Chubbo" it would be awkward.
Maggie: Oh, hee, yeah. I don't think I will.
KB: Even when you have a thousand midgets?.... In your one-room house in the woods? Where are you gonna put 'em all?
Maggie: Oh, I dunno... put 'em in a pile.

Zach: It looks like a cow, or like someone shot it with a bb gun.

Listening to an extremely repetitive and ambiguous soul song:
KB: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS SONG???
VA: There's a fight. That's all I know.

During a conversation about swim lessons:
Marcus: You want some bacon?

Standing on the scale while eating a brownie:
KB: Oh dear. I lost a pound.
Daddy: I hate you.

Michael: I dunno, I don't play inside dummies.

Rebecca: You can't wear white to a wedding! It's common knowledge!
William: But Kimbewly did do it....
Rebecca: Yeah, but she was the one getting married.

An Open Letter

2011-05-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Gum-Dropper,

Why do you leave your gum on the pool deck? Why would you chew gum at the pool anyway? Do you have any idea what's in that water? I won't go into detail for the sake of my other readers, but trust me, it's disgusting.

Is this some kind of punishment for when I make you (or your kids?) spit their gum out into my gloved hand before they get back in the water? They're probably your kids... I really want to think you're a kid yourself, but I don't think you are. I think you're an adult. And that disturbs me.

I would like to think that only kids would be immature enough to spit their gum out and smear it on the pool deck. I would like to think that only kids would leave their gum in the pool gutter. I would like to think that only kids would stick their gum to the benches. But I don't. I think it's you, Adult Gum-Dropper. Kids don't swim laps like you do. And kids probably wouldn't even bother putting it in the gutter. They'd probably just leave it in the water. That's still gross, but it's not as smeary that way.

I don't appreciate it, Gum-Dropper. I don't like taking the time to painstakingly scrape up your gum off of my pool deck. It's sticky. It's stringy. And the longer it stays there, the harder it gets.

And seriously? The gutter? WHY?

Sincerely,
Katie Beth (the Lifeguard)

Things I'm Learning Lately

2011-02-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

God is pretty incredible. He provides for His children, and never stops. Even in those times when it seems like He's taking a break, He's not.

I've been reminded of this pretty forcibly in the last few weeks. I've been going to the Art Institute for three quarters now, and I'm about to start my fourth. I was able to transfer something like fifty-four credits from Vance-Granville, which saved me more money than I could believe. Since I started school at AI in August, I've been debt-free. I've been paying for everything out-of-pocket. I couldn't keep that up on my own forever though, and I was really starting to stress about money stuff through the last couple of quarters. I'm terrified of loans, and don't want to start down that road, but I also want to graduate in a reasonable amount of time.

I honestly wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pay for this next upcoming quarter. Tuition is due on March 1st, and I was barely scraping by. I wasn't sure what to do. I could take a quarter off and work (not recommended), or drop a class, and have to pay more per credit hour because I would no longer be a full-time student.

Right as I started to really worry about this, paying jobs started dropping into my lap, seemingly from nowhere. I became a certified lifeguard instructor, which opened up more opportunities for hours and higher pay at work, in addition to the "random" (nothing is random with God) raise that I got at the end of the year. I've been able to continue teaching two swim classes, along with guarding and teaching the lifeguard class. My co-instructor also teaches swim lessons, and we tag-team our lessons and classroom material to maximize the time for both of us.

A few weeks ago I got an email from a couple in Wake Forest, asking to meet with me about babysitting their twins. I haven't watched the twins yet (I was going to a couple weeks ago but one of them got sick), but I have that job waiting for me whenever the couple decides to go out.

Last week a woman called me, saying she was in a pinch and could I watch her two-year-old for her the next day? She had gotten my name from a friend that one of my friends babysits for. When she got back from her appointment she asked me to watch him again this week.

Earlier this week I was blessed to be able to stay with the 102-year-old aunt of another friend, 15 minutes from school, for the majority of the day. I also taught a violin lesson this morning.

My tuition is due in four days. With all the extra jobs I've been blessed with in the past month or so, plus the money my family gave me, it looks like I'm going to have enough to cover the full amount and still have enough left to print the projects I have due next week. It's incredible, and humanly speaking, should not have been possible.

As if that's not amazing enough, even with the insane amount of working I've done just this week (staying with Aunt Mable, babysitting, working four days at the Y, and going to school three days), I've gotten all of my homework done (which was really stressing me out), with time left over for a run yesterday and another workout tomorrow morning. When I started this week I didn't think there could possibly be enough time for everything I had to do, but God has provided yet again, and I'm not even worried at this point.

We often take God for granted. From now on, when life's a little rough, maybe we should stop and think about why it's not rougher than it is. I'm constantly amazed by just how efficiently He works out my life. He is in control, and He is good. Amen.

Quotables!

2011-01-26T19:02:00.001-08:00

Maggie: *watching me frame a picture* I'm hugging that in my heart.

William: If you put fwieth on a chicken you will have fwied chicken!

William: Katie Beth liveth at home, and Katie Beth liveth at wowk, and Katie Beth liveth at thchool.
KB: Haha! That is so true.

Kyle: Speaking of fail...why do roaches need wings >:0
KB: Good question... I have never seen one fly....
Kyle: One just flew down near me in my rest room. It was a moment of unrest for me. I hozed him down with roach killer and it quickly became his moment of unrest.

Genise: So, Josh... what would you do if you were attacked by a shark with no teeth?
Josh: ....I think I'd probably wanna hug it. I mean, it would kinda feel like it was nuzzling me. It would probably be a pretty good massage.

David: FLINCH! Stop being more of a man than me!

Patience: Um, blue and brown and black do not go together.
Tim: I don't have a Bible for every outfit!

William: Get up offa that thing, ouch! Shake it you'll feel bettah!

VA's status: I love how "break" really means working like crazy to catch up on all the school you procrastinated all quarter. "You" is hypothetical, of course...
Caleb: true......
KB: There are actually times when I don't miss highschool.
KB: Oh, and since when do you have quarters? Copycat.
VA: What? It is a quarter. Hence the "break".
KB: ...It is not a quarter.
VA: Then what is it??
KB: It is a semester. And yes it matters, because *I* have quarters and you have semesters and hence my schedule is more differenter than yours.
VA: Well I can't say "all semester" because it hasn't *been* all semester yet. And anyway, I'm homeschooled. How am I supposed to know these things?
KB: You can too say "all semester," meaning "the part of the semester that I have completed heretofore." The fact that you're homeschooled is EXACTLY why you should know these things. :-P
VA: How much wood... would a wood chuck chuck.... if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I think I've made my point.
KB: Oh my gosh. Most perfect response ever, hands down. There is only one way I can adequately reply to that.... *makes the Face That Is Appropriate For All Occasions*
KB: *sisterly fist bump*
VA: End of convo.

Kid in swim lessons: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff! I can say "meow" under the water!
Jeff: *doesn't hear*
Kid: Mr. Jeff! Mr. Jeff!

Grace: So Katie Beth, you've never seen "How to Train Your Dragon" before?
KB: Nope!
Grace: You're gonna love it! IT LOOKS LIKE A CAT!

Phillip: Whenever you get out of swim lessons you always look like you just came back from the Arctic.

Anna: Has Daddy ever had any other jobs that you know of?
KB: Yeah. He was in the Navy.
Anna: I mean other than flying.
KB: When he was a teenager worked at a gas station.
Maggie, Anna, and Patience: *GASP*
Anna: Was he a gangster??

KB: Has Pookums returned to us from afar?
VA: He has. He smells weird and is cranky.

Overheard:
William: I weally don't want to do a thecwet mission.

Patience: You're wearing Chrithtmath pantth.
KB: They're not Christmas pants!
Patience: They have red on them.
KB: So? Just because someone wears red doesn't mean they're celebrating Christmas! Sometimes my face has red on it. Do you think that means my face celebrates Christmas all the time?
Patience: Your hair ith. *quiet for a little bit* Your fathe ith red becauth you get thunburn. Apparently the thun thelebratheth Chrithtmath all the time.

Nick: *stares at the hole where the trash can's supposed to go* Well that's not a convenient hole.

Camp kid 1: How old are you?
KB: Guess!
Camp kid 2: FORTY!
Camp kid 3: THIRTEEN!

KB: Hey William, what's the name of your bunny again?
William: Um... I don't know.
KB: *trying to give hints because he can never remember* Doesn't it rhyme with... 'oody' or something? [The rabbit's name is "Trudi Rudi."]
William: Oh, yeah. Ooty Booty.

Rebecca: I've been getting headaches when I look at things close.
KB: How close?
Rebecca: Well, I was looking at my nose....

Playing cards:
KB: *looking at my hand* Oh, this is such a confusing hand. My soul is so conflicted.
Philip: I'm sorry you're conflicted. You can have a banana if you want.

Hana: I was in the bathroom and I checked my phone and I thought, "That's weird. Why don't I have any texts from Katie Beth? I usually have a text from Katie Beth by nine-thirty!" Then I realized, "...Oh. Because she's sleeping in the other room." I felt smart.

Michael: It smells like girl in here.

Talking about what kind of tattoo Brianne would probably suggest:
Patrick: You're probably gonna say something really descriptive. It'll be like "a bulldog giving birth."
Brianne: Haha, WHAT??
Patrick: I dunno, it's just the first thing that came to my mind.

During Harry Potter:
Timmy: I am the lonely nerd forever. With these glasses, I bear loneliness.

John: i want to distract you for a minute or 5

Katie: you're gonna distract me from Bonquiqui?!?!?

John: hm

that does seem... yes, yes, i am

Becca: When the new Chik-Fil-A opens I get to sing the National Anthem.
Lindsay: That's cool. Do you get to stand up on the thing in the middle? Where they have the salt and pepper?

Overheard:
Virginia, angrily: I probably have the cleanest ears in the family! I clean them out every day!

Anna: William, you're sick. I think you have the dying disease.
William: *skeptically* I don't FEEEEEEEEEEL like dyin'.
Anna: But William, you're sick! You've already died three times in the last two weeks!

KB: Virginia, how can you wear size 3 of pantaloons and I wear size 5 and we're the same?
VA: Well I guess we're not the same cuz they fit me perfectly.
KB: You have a muffin top, don't you.
VA: No!
KB: Yes you do!! You ha--
VA: PERHAPS.

VA: Maybe it's cuz I have less hips than you.
KB: FEWER hips, Virginia.

Amp: I feel like I just walked into Willy Wonka's factory and ate all the candy in the world and married an Oompa Loompa.

Nic: I don't know the names of any professional football players except Michael Jordan.

Daddy: That's the shirt you're wearing to church?
William: Uh huh!
Daddy: Well that's... interesting....
William: *reassuringly* But it hath a pooooooocket.

Teaching swim lessons:
KB: Ok y'all, I'm gonna give you a break and we're gonna do some fins.
Mia: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

VA: Ok William, you ready to read "My Little Book of Sharing"?
KB: Virginia, I thought you said "My Little Book of Shame."
VA: I WROTE The Book of Shame.

Editing the stick figure self-portrait of me in the head guard report:
KB: Am I keeping the shorts?
David: No, erase those too.
KB: They're on there pretty good....
David: They're shorts, they should come right off.

VA: Anna, stop talking nonsense!
Anna: It's not nonsense, it's... Larry Boy!
VA: NONSENSE.

Patience: I know something you don't know.
KB: And what is that?
Patience: I'm not going to tell you.

Mommy: Santa doesn't come unless all the little kids are in bed!
Maggie: Santa doesn't come ANYWAY.

William: Did dey have Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes they did!
William: Did you GET Toy Thtowy?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Did you bwing it HOME?
KB: Yes I did!
William: Ah we gonna WATCH it?
KB: Yes we are!
William: Ooohhh good! I LOVE dat movie!
KB: How would you know? You've never seen it!
William: Yeth I have! I have it on my undewpantth.

KB: What did you give Emma for her birthday?
Si: ...................................Um............................ *thinking really hard*.......................................Um...............................................................
KB: You don't remember?
Si: *suddenly remembers* Something I didn't buy. My mom got it in Savannah. I had no idea she even had it.

David: Go to bed! I have work tomorrow.

Jordan: um… so a spider just crawled out of this customer's computer

that's not okay

Nic: There are the guys that you can't smell at all, and the guys that stink, and the guys that use too much cologne.
VA: .................And then there are the guys that are juuuuuuust right.

William: *sticks his tongue out*
Rebecca: Hey, be nice!
William: Can I peathe thtick my tongue out at you?

Mi casa es NO su casa

2011-01-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

I don't make New Years resolutions. I just wanted to throw that out there at the beginning, in case you thought reviving the blog was one of them. I didn't make resolutions to NOT make resolutions (which would be counterproductive), of course, I just don't make resolutions because I think they're silly and pointless and why do you have to resolve at the beginning of the year? If you want to change something, why don't you just DO it?

That being said, I had a Facebook poll a couple days ago on whether I should get back into blogging, and eight whole people responded--six in the affirmative, two with smart remarks--so I'm taking that as a good sign. It's late at night, I'm heading into what promises to be a hectic week, and my fingers are cold, which makes it just like old times. A great time for dusting off blogs, if you ask me.

By the way, is it weird to talk about Facebook on your blog?

Anyhoo, so I have a life now. It's weird, I know, and completely out of character, but I'm having fun with it. Even when I'm by myself I manage to keep myself entertained. Last night I went to a pig pickin'/jam session (I guess I could just call it a "pickin'") with my family and our bluegrass friends. I had to drive separately because I didn't get off work until after the thing was supposed to start.

We all know I'm directionally challenged, so Daddy left me a voicemail with the exact address so I could put it in my GPS (which he kindly gave me for Christmas last year, so I could stop using his), and pretty clear driving directions just in case the GPS wasn't good enough (always a possibility).

I followed the GPS out into the country, and the GPS and Daddy's directions matched up, so I wasn't worried. Eventually the little computer voice said, "Arriving at destination, on left." I thought I remembered Daddy saying it was on the right, but I couldn't remember for sure, so I passed it, looking around for anywhere with a bunch of cars. I didn't really see any, so I turned around and double-checked that the little sign I'd passed had the right address on it. It did, so I turned into the driveway.

It was a long driveway, but I knew Daddy had said something about "the first house right on the road, and another one off the road," and "you don't want the first one, you want the second one." So I kept driving. I passed one or two unoccupied-looking or at least unparty-fied-looking, so I kept going until I came to the third one, which had lights on and eight or ten cars parked in the yard, including a big white van. I figured it must be the place, so I pulled up in an empty spot and parked.

As I was getting out, a guy about my age walked by and said, "Hey" as he got something out of the truck next to me. Then he walked back toward the house, and I followed him. We walked up the porch steps, past a smoking pig-cooker, and he held the door open for me to go inside.

There were about five or ten seconds of complete silence as I stared at them and they stared at me. And I stared at them and they stared at me some more. I was pretty sure I had never been to a pig pickin' or a jam session that consisted of about eight college-age guys and three girls. The confusion was clearly mounting on their part and the hilarity of the situation on mine, and I thought I'd better say something before I lost control and broke down laughing in this mystery kitchen.

"So... wrong house?" I said.

"....Think so...." they said.

"Huh. I saw all the cars and a white van like my family's, and I thought this was the right place..." I mused, mostly to myself.

"The Budweiser van?" said a guy who seemed to own the place. Whaddya know, it was a Budweiser van, now that I looked at it.

"Huh," I said again.

It was getting funnier by the second, and the girls started to giggle, which didn't help my composure any. Two more minutes in there and I would have gone into hysterics and not stopped laughing for weeks.

To avoid that embarrassing ending to what was an otherwise chummy meeting, I made my way back to the door.

"Well, I'll see y'all later," I said. "Oh, do you know which house is 3932?" I asked the guy, who had kindly followed me the four feet to the door to see me out.

He poked his head out the door and looked around like he expected it to materialize in the yard. "I ain't got a clue," he finally said. That was obvious to all present by then, but it was nice of him to make an effort.

"Aight, well, thanks!" I said, and I left. Then I called Daddy and asked him where the heck WAS this place and which side of the road did he say it was on? Turns out the number actually went with a different house (no kidding), which was across the street from the place I was supposed to be. I didn't tell him about my adventure. I was still giggling too much to be able to tell it anything like calmly, which was a good call, because when I tried to tell it to Virginia later that night I laughed so hard I actually did go into hysterics, and so did she, and I could barely finish the story.

I guess it would be embarrassing if I thought I'd ever see those people again, but even if I did, I don't think I'd recognize them. I bet they'd recognize me, though, and if they ever do, I hope they won't try to save my feelings. I can only imagine what was going through their heads when I appeared in their kitchen, and I hope they'll mention it, even if the laughing incapacitates me for a month.

Ummm..... Quotables?

2010-09-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

It's been approximately 731 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes, 7.26 seconds since I last posted. That's just a guess, of course. It's partly because I'm insanely busy (Art school holla! Anybody?) and partly because Rebecca bugs me about it so I didn't post, just to bug her back.

I'm insanely busy today too, but I have a long quotables document, so I'll just... give y'all that. Maybe eventually I'll have a real post again.

Live long and prosper. Until we meet again. And I guess you can live long and prosper after we meet again, too.

Basically, have fun.

***

KB: What are YOU reading?
Genise: It's a romance novel.
KB: It looks really... frilly.
Genise: It's about cakes.
KB: Do the cakes fall in love? Do they make little baby cakes?
Genise: They make cupcakes.

KB: I got a hundred on my calculus test.
Daddy: Is that ALL?

KB: Have you seen my jean capris? I don't know if I can wear my khaki ones, I'm wearing blue plaid underwear.
Mommy: Khaki and blue plaid go together.

KB: So the deal was, Hunter didn't know we don't call adult swim before we close so he blew his whistle early. We told all the people "just kidding" and we made him unwhistle -- well, he didn't... but I wanted him to....
Dan: Did you?
KB: No, I'm not trained in unwhistling.
Dan: What?! It's like counterwhistling but more advanced. This is counterwhistling: *puts his mouth to the other hole in the whistle and breathes in* Unwhistling is the same kind of technique, sort of like this: *puts both his whistles in his mouth and manages to make a little tweet* It's very difficult. It involves circular breathing.
KB: Well why don't you unwhistle then?
Dan: I can't do it. I haven't learned the technique of circular breathing.

Katie: It's interesting how our conversations so quickly transcend the realm of coherence

Derrick: You're my test case for secret emoticons :) They work. This is a test. We now take you back to your normal life, already in progress.

Here's something sweet for your Friday (nutella)

KB: What's up, Patience?
Patience: Being around weird people. *gets up to leave*

KB: Virginia is wearing skinny jeans.
Patience: Freak.

KB: So William, what do you say when people ask you how old you are?
William: I thay, "FOUW!"
KB: Right! That's very good!
William: Yeth. Yeth it ith.

Alex: Katie Beth, do we have another hour before we close?
KB: No, we have about seven minutes.
After being quiet for a little bit:
Alex: Katie Beth, do you know how many pounds one float pack holds?
KB: I have no idea.
Alex: How many float packs do you think it would take to float me?
KB: A lot. Why do you ask?
Alex: I'm gonna try it.
KB: Oh really. When?
Alex: In about... seven minutes.

Dan: Katie Beth, I think you should turn into a phoenix.

Lizzie: My inner lifeguard just died.

Lindsay: My soul is wilting.

Lizzie: Oh, I'm sorry about that sorta.

Lindsay: *stands under the light* Hey! I have a great idea! ...........A bright idea. Dang it, I said it wrong!

Mrs. Halvorsen: *picks up the Nerf gun as she's chatting with us* Does this have any things in it?
Hana: I don't know....
Mrs. Halvorsen: *suddenly aims it at Grace and shoots her*
Grace: *screams*
Mrs. Halvorsen: Oh look! It does! *shoots again* *a nerf dart sticks to the wall above my head* Oh looka that!
Hana: Mom!!
Mrs. Halvorsen: *aims at Hana tries to shoot some more* I think it's out. *two more darts cycle around and hit Hana* Oh, I guess not!
Hana: *screams*
KB: *covers head and cowers*
Mrs. Halvorsen: Ok, I think it's out now. I'm gonna go paint.
Hana, Grace, and KB: *pant and stare*
Hana: I've never been bombed that hard by my MOM before!

William: I LOVE LADIETH!!!!

Drew: are you going to wear your wuit?

*suit

Katie: yes, I was planning to wear my wuit

Drew: hahaha

Katie: :-D

Drew: so you are?

Katie: lol, yes

but I am not happy about it

Drew: ok, I guess I will to then...:/

Katie: lol, you know, me wearing my suit does not automatically cause yours to leap upon your bod...

Drew: actually, it does. some days, my suit is just on my body...and i don't know why, so I assume you're working

Katie: hahahaha

creepy

and totally unsanitary :-D

Drew: not my fault, it's yours

KB: Maggie, what are you doing?
Maggie: I tied my pant legs together!
KB: But of course. I can't believe I had to ask.

Jesse: Mrs. Joyner, when we were walking in I realized that your pool is so small that the only kind of dip you can take in it... is a skinny one.

Mr. Tola: *to Mr. Joyner* ....and I played hooky....
Philip: *overhears* *looks at me, very confused* He say hoo-ky. Why he say HOO-ky? *suddenly looks enlightened* He means HOCKEY.

Patience and William are fighting:
Patience: I'M TELLIN' MOMMY!!!
William: I AM TELLIN' MOMMY TOO!!!

VA: Sometime I want to go to one of those museums with all the stars in the ceiling.

Daddy: Ok Anna, let her tell her story first, even if it's wrong. Then I'll tell my story. Even though I wasn't there.
KB: *from the other room* My story's BEST!
Daddy: No no no! Mine has clowns!
KB: Nobody likes clowns!
Daddy: That's why mine is unique.

KB: You take very strange naps.
VA: What do you mean?
KB: I heard you rattling around and around in here for a very long time before now.
VA: That's not true!
KB: You just came back in here!
VA: Oh yeah. Well I was sleeping--well I was trying to sleep--well I was going to sleep--well I was--I was in here napping and then suddenly I decided that I wanted a pipe so I got up in the middle of my nap to ask Daddy if I could get a pipe at the state fair but Daddy was asleep so I asked Mommy and she was like "Uuuunnnhhhhhhhh you'll have to ask Daddy" and then I decided that I wasn't really sleepy so I came back here to read.

KB: What are you mad about, Maggie?
Maggie: Rebecca.
KB: Did she break your ruler?
Maggie: Sort of.
Mommy: How did she "sort of" break it?
Maggie: I threw it at her.
Mommy: I wondered if it was something like that.

Rebecca: There were lots of nerdy people at the orthodontist's office.
Jesse: So you fit right in?
Rebecca: NO! And anyway I was busy doing science.

Nala: I happen to LOVE Krispy Kreme...

and I still haven't been to the new one

Katie: dude

you need to go

Nala: I know

my bladder can't hold much more right now

brb

Katie: rofl

Nala: back

okay

so, about half way through the potty time, I realized you were talking about KK, not the bathroom

Katie: ROTFLOL!!!!!!!

Nala: I just looked up and saw, "Dude, you need to go" and thought, "yeah, I really REALLY do!"

so I went

Drew: man I went to wal mart today...it was crazy

Kyle: I felt guilty when dad said "We need to talk SOON"
Kyle: but I had no clue what to be guilty about

Nala: which is WHY you have to come up to App

Katie: I want to come to a concert

Nala: I know

Katie: hopefully I can make that happen

Nala: :-D

or POSSIBLY

Katie: are you going to have a senior recital?

Nala: my senior recital

:-D

Katie: LOL

Nala: psychic

Katie: psychic

Nala: HA!

Katie: WORD

Drew: GASP!!! They don't have irish swim caps!

Katie: what?!

Drew: I'm looking at the laytex ones now...

TO NO AVAIL!!!!!

Kyle: ARRRRGGGGGG I AM A PIRATE!
Kyle: I'M ON A BOOAAAT
KB: PIRATE FLIPPY FLOPPIES
Kyle: HECK. YES.

William: *to Mommy* You dude. You DUDE!!!!!

Anna: What's pepper spray?
Daddy: It's stuff to spray on someone if they're attacking you.
Rebecca: You would want to spray them BEFORE they attacked you.
KB: How are you supposed to know if they're gonna attack you?
Anna: You could go up to them and say, "Are you going to beat me up or do you have other plans?"

Stephen: Kiss the frog!
KB: I don't want to kiss the frog. Lauren, you wanna kiss the frog?
Lauren: Not really....
KB: Nancy? You wanna kiss a frog?
Nancy: No thanks. I've already got my prince.
Us: Ooohhh, good answer!
KB: Is that how you got Daniel?
Nancy: Shh, don't be tellin' all my secrets! You shoulda seen all the ones I had to throw out before I got him!

KB: Is Mrs. Riley gonna pick Holly up?
Mrs. Hagwood: *perfectly seriously* We'll probably just drop her off on the side of the highway somewhere.

William: I yove twiangleth. And McDonald'th.

Imparting wisdom before he leaves for college:
Jesse: William, ya gotta stay away from all these girls.
William: I love ladieth.

Talking about Anna listening to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity:
Anna: I love them! I listen to the show. They inspired me to politics!
VA: Ok, what do you know about politics?
Anna: ......Obama is president.

VA: You know how you see some people and you wonder, "How did that person EVER get a boyfriend??" And then you see the boyfriend and you understand.

Kyle: I pity the foo
KB: me too, assuming I'm the foo ;-P
Kyle: :-)
you're a nice legit foo
not a bad foo

Kyle: if you start blaming yourself for a mess
I will walk over ther
and when I finally make it in like 2 days
I will cut you
then I will walk home
and I will be pissed.
KB: hahahahahahahaha
Kyle: and you will be pissed too
KB: I would be kinda pissed ;-P
Kyle: we would all be pissed
so stop
:-)

VA: *awed voice* I.... did... a chinup.
KB: *laughs*
VA: Aren't you proud???

Mommy: What does the letter "B" sound like?
William: Butt!

Mommy: We'll turn off the water when it gets high enough.
KB: YOU'RE high enough!
Mommy: *to Maggie* Man, I can't even say "your mom" to her.

Quotables!

2010-05-30T14:05:00.001-07:00

KB: So you got a bead stuck up your nose, huh?
William: *nods*
KB: Is it a big one?
William: No, it a yittle one. *seriously* But it have a heart on it.

Later:
KB: So uh, how did you get that bead up your nose?
William: I atendin' it wath a boogew!

Patience: *sits down with her pizza in front of the TV*
William: Heeeyyy, I wath donna thit wight dewe!
Patience: Unh, but William...!
Anna: Well he was.
Patience: But...!
Anna: And William, why don't you just go get your food?
William: No! Mommy ith dettin' it wight now! *with an attitude* How 'bout YOU det me my food?!

KB: Does that make you happy?
Chich: Yes. It makes my insides tingle.

Kalyn: You know those guys with muscles on top of their muscles?
KB: Yeah.
Kalyn: Well it's like he has that, but only the ones on top.

KB: That's not gonna work....
Mark: Believe!!

KB: Ok, go wash your hands before dinner.
William: No.
KB: Yes. Go wash your hands.
William: No.
KB: I will spank you if you don't wash your hands.
William: I gueth I will wash my handth.

VA: You know, it's pretty impressive that some guys have a six pack, like really nice abs, cuz they usually have good UPPER body strength, not tummy strength... so some of them could have babies.

Kid at jam session: So do you go to college?
VA, completely mishearing: ...I don't know....
Kid: *awkward silence*

Patience, dressing William: He won't let me put hith shirt on. He wantth to pretend to be The Incredible Hulk.

William: *grabs Patience's arm*
Patience: Incredible Hulk? I am a thientitht. I can beat you with great poithonth.

VA: *hums the first line of Big Girls Don't Cry*
KB: *does the same a few minutes later and then realizes it* Argg! I hate you!
VA: HA HA. I love me! *drops food* Argg! I hate me!

At naptime:
William: Wait! Tan I be a fiweman? PEEAAATHE?
Mommy: *exasperated* A fireman who takes a nap. Come on!

VA: *sees me looking at her* What?
KB: WHY do you have class?
VA: Uh... why?
KB: I wanted you to braid my hair.
VA: Well I'm doing homework right now. And then I have to shower. And then I have class.................................................. But I MIGHT have time later if you stop making that face.

KB: Maggie, isn't Rebecca the weirdest person you've ever met?
Maggie: Yeah!
Rebecca: Cuz you haven't met youwself!
KB: Rebecca, I think she knows herself.
Rebecca: But she hasn't MET hewself!
KB: Maggie, shake your hand and introduce yourself to you.
Maggie: *shakes her hands*
KB: Introduce yourself!
Maggie: Hello! My name is Maggie. Oh! Hello. It's good to meet you.
KB: NOW isn't Rebecca the weirdest person you've ever met?
Maggie: Um. I think it's a tie.

Talking about how eggs don't come from bunnies, so what's up with the Easter Bunny?
Patrick: All holiday mammals lay eggs.

Patrick: Zombies deeeeeeeeeeefinitely lay jack o' lanterns. I know that for a FACT.

Hana: Have I ever told you what nice teeth you have? The bite marks in my bunny are perfectly lovely. :-D

Brianne: Ok Katie Beth, I got Max to come in for me from five to nine. I told him he'd be working with you and Lauren and he said, "Ugh, the smart girls. They'll probably have me doing algebra and stuff."

Kyle: Apparently kerr saw a transformer the other day
KB: Optimus Prime?
Kyle: He said a sherriff was following him then he turned into a gas station

Anna: You tickled me with your eyes!

Nala: you like licking your face a lot

Katie: it's a curse

Daddy: I DON'T WANT HELP HULA HOOPING!!!

Jackson: She's a redheaded lifeguard. She will EAT you.

Patience: *points at a purple sticky note up at the top of the door* Gueth how I got that up there.
KB: Um................. a chair?
Patience: *exasperated sigh* EVERYBODY guetheth that! And it'th RIGHT! And you and Virginia are the only oneth who have guethed.

KB: What is your wife going to say about all this?
Jordan: "lol, you're awesome, honey. So funny, and so good looking, too! I am truly the luckiest woman ever to have found such a stud. Come, let us return to passionate kissing."
Something along those lines.
KB: I'm floored. Honestly.
Jordan: Just add that to the list of reasons you + me = no.

KB: Jesse just told me that while I was at the gym yesterday running miles galore and doing all that exciting stuff, he started a factory, made a really long pole, bought NASA, flew to the moon, and used the really long pole to move the earth, like Archimedes.
Mommy: Oh, yeah. Well you were gone a really long time.

KB: Did y'all use up all the cheese?
VA: No. Actually I think it's still in the living room.
KB: o_O?

Daddy: *hands me a frappuccino* The whipped cream was a little suspect.
KB: ...Does that mean it's gonna poison me??
Daddy: I hope not.

Nala: I like the pink

:-D

okay, time for another stickie

Katie: you WOULD use pink for me

:-P

Nala: :-D

Nala: Pink = hott

KB = hott

Katie: yeah, as in it burns your eyes :-P

kinda like my hair

but in a clashy sort of way

Nala: therefore KB = Pink

:-D

Katie: (not classy)

no no NO

Nala: :-D

don't you LOVE my logic?!

(and that needs to be in quotables)

KB: Hush.
Josh: why? haha
KB: Cuz I said so and I'm an oldest child and I'm used to getting my way! :-P
Josh: katie.. you've known me for almost 2 years.... when do i ever listen to what i'm told? haha
KB: Uh huh. And when do I not get my way? (Hint: not often.)
Josh: i wouldn't know... but again... my not listenin happens a lot more than you gettin your way haha
KB: Actually, you probably just don't notice me getting my way because you're not listening. ;-)
Josh: thats a possibility. we'll never know haha

Max: I am enraged.

VA: You see Katie Beth, you and I are like exact opposites. You have all these people that come up to you and say, "Hi! Will you be my friend?" and you say, "NO! Go away!" and I'm always like, "Why don't I have any friends?" and I go up to people and say, "Hi! Will you be my friend?" and they're like, "No! Go away!"

Jesse: Katie Beth, we're bad parents.

Jesse: You want to wear the yellow pajama shirt?
William: Uh huh. But it hath holeth.
Jesse: It has holes? Well of COURSE it has holes! It has a hole for your head, and a hole for your body, and two holes for your arms. EVERY well-made shirt has holes!
William: I MEAN wight DEWE.

Jesse: You, woman, are smart. You have a... something of note, inside your head.

Nala: do you have a day you can come over?
*poke*

Katie: oh sorry

Tuesday or Wednesday should be fine

Nala: :-D

Katie: but if I come Tuesday I just need to figure out what to do with the little girls

Nala: send them to Alaska!

Katie: they might miss art class

:-P

Nala: so?

that's what video chat is for

Katie: how I love math :-D

Nala: oh how you are weird.

KB: I just saw a car with "THE GAME" stickered across the back. And I lost.
Jordan: You're such a rock.
KB: Pizza face.
Jordan: Your mom.
KB: Your DAD. OH.
Jordan: Okay, now that was just inappropriate and uncalled for.

Eric: *tapes my ankles together* That was a fun game.

VA: How come you have so many friends?! You don't even like people!

William: Tan you peew my tementine?
VA: Yeah. *starts to peel clementine*
William: Not wight now!!
VA: But you just asked me to peel your clementine!
William: Not yet. I donna det a panking!
VA: Ohhh. Mommy's gonna give you a spanking?
William: Yeah.
VA: Oh. Is she gonna spank you hard?
William: No, she not donna pank me hawd.
VA: No? Don't you think you should ask Mommy about that?
William: Mommy, ah you donna pank me hawd?
Mommy: Yup!
William: She ith.

Laken: NO! No Mexicans!

KB: Who's the guy that played in the King And I, again?
Daddy: Yul Brynner?
KB: Yeeaaah.
Daddy: Some people think I look like him, ya know.
KB: Really.
Daddy: Yup. The ones who think I am handsome. Handsome as a rogue.
KB: I wasn't aware being handsome was one of the requirements for being a rogue.
Daddy: It helps. It helps.

Jesse: Katie Beth....
KB: Yes?
Jesse: If they call logos... "logos"... why do they call slogans "slogans"? Why don't they call them "slogos"?
KB: Well why don't they call logos "logans"?
Jesse: Because that would be confusing.

Jesse: Katie Beth, I'm not the sharpest cheddar in the kitchen.

KB: Man, a minute on this microwave takes just as long as a minute on the last microwave.
Daddy: I know, I was hoping it would be a little quicker.

William: *rubbing hard at his itchy nose*
KB: How ya doin' there, William? Ya doin' ok?
William: No. *rubs some more* I feew yike I donna die.

Patience: All my ribth hurt. I think I've been extherthithing too much.

Dan: I am going to buy a milkshake, and then I am going to drink it.
Drew: *gigglefit*
Dan: I don't understand why that is funny. I am going to buy a milkshake, and that is what I am going to do with the milkshake when I get it.

Hana: And it's a full moon tonight!
Sebastian: Do we have a full moon tonight?
KB: Yeah, it is! I noticed it when I was driving over here.
Sebastian: And you didn't think about it being a full moon then?
KB: Well at the time I didn't know we would be dining with a werecow.
Dan: I'm not a werecow, I'm a weresquirrel.
Hana: A weresquirrel?
Dan: Yes.
KB: How does that work out with your mad cow thing?
Dan: It's very confusing. I have a very serious case of species confusion.

Kyle: Indians
Kyle: exude curry

Jackson: I think I look like my dad.
VA: Yeah, you do.
Jackson: At least I don't look like my uncle.
KB: What does your uncle look like?
Jackson: A taller version of my dad.

Jackson's pickup lines:
Jackson: You and this beer have one thing in common: you make my liver shiver.

Caleb: Jackson, don't curse in front of the Presbyterians.

Just When You Think You're Safe, You Ain't

2010-05-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

I graduated on Friday from Vance-Granville Community College, that time-honored institution of academia where I have wiled away the past five years. I can explain that outrageous time frame for getting two associate degrees, but y'all don't really wanna hear that, right? Right.

Ok, two of those years were in high school. But it's still five years.

Anyway, I thought that since I've finished that phase of my existence--well, almost finished--I should write a reflective post about all the life-changing revelations I've had in the past half-decade.

I say "almost" because I'm taking Calculus III this summer.

I made all A's this semester, even in Physics and Calculus II, so I think I can afford to sit here watching Castle, drawing light bulbs, and sipping my figurative martini. The martini stimulates the brain cells and all.

So here I sit, figurative martini figuratively in hand, thinking wise thoughts. The wisest thought that comes to mind is, "What the heck happened?"

See, when I graduated high school, I went to VGCC because it was a close and cheap way to get my first couple years of college out of the way. That was my only goal. Ok, that and make good grades. My goal was not to make friends or be a presence on campus. I took most of my classes online and was on campus as little as possible. I came to class, I went home. My friends and social life came from church and work.

My lab partner and I had some fun goofing off in my second semester, but we weren't bff's or anything. Second year was nice and calm. Third year started out smooth, then it started down that infamous gravelly path of unpredictability.

Man, I hate that path.

So there I was, fixin' to graduate nice and clean with no extra hangers-on (if that's not a real phrase I am not apologetic), when bam! Suddenly I know all these people, and after years of being in class together they now decide to move themselves from the Those People In Class list to the Friends list. I never moved them. They moved themselves. I take no responsibility for this state of affairs.

Kinda creepy if you think about it. I mean, there they were, and there I was, a completely separate entity, all happy in my own little overachiever world, and then these infiltrators come barging in without even asking and declare themselves my friends and what am I supposed to do? Kick 'em?

And my best friend thinks it's funny. I am indignant, not to mention woefully confused, and there she is, laughing at me. She says the lack of control is good for me. What nerve.

Because it's not the friends I mind, exactly. It's the fact that my fate is apparently not in my own hands. Which I should have known, given that I'm a good Presbyterian child who believes in predestination and all that, but I guess I forgot. It's the fact that I go to bed one night quite calm and content and I wake up the next morning to find that all is chaos and those people have made off with my lists. I needed those lists for putting people into their neat little categories. If I don't have them the people on the lists keep popping out of their boxes and scampering the wrong way. In fact, I think I yelled after them to give me back my lists. I think I even shook my fist a couple times. I had to give up after a few shouts though. I'll probably never get those lists back. So much for organization. I feel like someone else put my clothes away and they're all in the wrong drawers and all my shirts have the sleeves sticking out. I hate it when the sleeves stick out.

So now I'm not really sure what to do with this little crowd I seem to have acquired. What do you do with people when suddenly you're friends and then you go somewhere else and probably never see them again? Do you stick 'em in the closet and keep them until later or do you release them into the wild, wings a-flappin'? I can't say yet because I've never had people escape from their boxes before.

If I had been friends with people from the beginning this might not be so mind-boggling. But coming at the very end of five years, it's just odd. I scratch my head and say, "Weird."

It kinda makes me wonder, though... What boxes am I in?

Cupcake Carnage 2010

2010-04-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

I think the video says it all.

Quotables!

2010-03-12T21:01:00.000-08:00

Jesse: William, don't you want to go to church to see all your little buddies?
William: ...I don't yike guyth... I yike yadieth... I yike yiddle yadieth!

Nala: OOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN
the twelfth day of christmas my true love gave to meeeeeee!:
12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping
10 lords a leaping
9 ladies dancing
8 maids a-milking
7 swans a swimming
6 geese a-laying
FIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGSSSSSS!!!!!
4 calling birds
3 french hens
2 turtle doves
AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!!!!!
thank you
thank you ver' much
or it really should be "thank ya, thank ya ver' much"
I am overjoyed by this uproarious reception before me!
really!
you're too kind!
Really! I can't give you a kiss! I'm sorry!
but you may have a beat of my sweat if you wish
:)
really you guys are too mcuh!
very well, I shall perform my best number.
how would y'all like to hear "the Teapot Song"?!
to my fans! These are dedicated to you!
I'm a little teapot!
Short and stout!
(STOUT!)
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout.
(SPOUT!)
when I get all steamed up,
here me shout!
(SHOUT!)
Tip me over and pour me out!
(OUT!!)
y'all are a great audience!
I love you to death!
me: oh hello :-D

Kyle: sorry
Kyle: eric called
Kyle: then after I got off the telephone
Kyle: I walked up the stairs without
Kyle: to get the brownies that waited above
KB: and were they wonderful as anticipated?
Kyle: and was gifted with a phone with my brother from afar
Kyle: speaking from afar
Kyle: I spoke to him above
KB: rofl
Kyle: for a time
Kyle: then gifted the telephone to my pater who lingered without
Kyle: and ate a brownie with my sister who gifted me with the brownitos
Kyle: and came hither
KB: was the pater grateful?
Kyle: I'm sure he was

Katie: OH

this is exciting

I forgot we had a toaster

KB: No William, don't play with that!
William: Yeth!
KB: No! Put it down.
Mommy: No, William, you can't play with that. That's Rebecca's.
William: Oh. I yike Bucca'th duff!
KB: Rebecca, come put your stuff away!
William: Bucca, know what?! I yike youw duff!

Old lady: *studies me intently in the mirror at the Y as I try to avoid her eyes* .....Cougar?
KB: *startled* What??
Old lady: What does it say on your shirt?
KB: *looks down at swimsuit* Um... guard?....
Old lady: Oh. That's a nice tribute. *wanders off*
KB: O_O?!?!?!??!?!!!??!?!?!??!!??!?!!

While driving:
Virginia: That buck we saw on the way here was right up here on the left.
KB: Oh, right... HERE? *jerks the wheel to the left and back again*
Virginia: OH. *clutches heart*
Jesse: VirGINia......
Virginia: Don't DO that! I almost had a heart attack! TWICE!
KB: HA HA. You almost had a heart attack twice?!
Virginia: A DOUBLE heart attack. I'll have to have a double bypass for my two heart attacks!

Mommy: Katie Beth, why do you keep putting your toast in the oven?!
KB: ....Cuz I keep forgetting we have a toaster!

Matthew: *puts his arm in front of my face as he reaches for the bread*
KB: You want me to bite you?!
Matthew: You wanna bite me?! Huh?! Bite me! Bite me! *shoves his arm back in my face*
KB: *looks at his arm* *chomps down hard*
Matthew: Bite me! Bite me! Okay stop.

A couple minutes later:
Matthew: *all up in my face again*
KB: You want me to bite your NOSE?!
Matthew: No! You want me to SNIFF your TEETH while you bite my nose?!
KB: I... uh... wouldn't that... um... huh.

Even later:
VA: Yeah, that kind of startled me too. I mean, I looked over and you were latched onto his arm. ...It didn't really surprise me though.

Mommy: Anna, you need to do your math while you eat your ice cream.
Anna: But that takes away all the joy of eating my snack!
Mommy: Yeah, but you just had two hours of joy.

Rebecca: Did you know that Galileo didn't invent the telescope?
Daddy: Who did?
Rebecca: They don't know the name anymore, but they said Galileo stole the idea.
Daddy: I don't want to hear that. Galileo is my hero. *pause* I love him.

Max: *sticks head in door* I smell math. Lots of math.

VA: I was reading this homeschooling article and at the bottom it talked about the lady who wrote it. It said she had eight kids, and I thought, "EIGHT KIDS!!! THAT'S A LOTTA KIDS. NOBODY HAS... oh wait."

Patience: Tell me, woman!

Ben: I love those really trippy dreams when you wake up and you're like, "OH MY GOSH."
Max: Katie Beth's trippiest dream is when she divides by zero and gets away with it.

Jordan: I guess it's sort of a pre-nup, where one of the points is agreeing not to nup.

Telling Maggie about his cut that he got in the woods:
William: I dot dith tut in da woodth. I dot it in da woodth when I fell. I dot it in da woodth. I did. But I didn't ty when I dot it. I duth thaid, "Daddy yook! Daddy yook!" An' he yooked.

VA: I think we should be soulmates.
KB: Ok.

VA: Good gracious, that's like your fourth tissue! That's a lot of tissues for one nose!

After a heated Facebook conversation (on William's changed relationship status) in which Hana and KB argue about whether or not best friends are allowed to marry their bff's little siblings and decide to set the siblings up with each other:

Katie: heheh

VA just saw William's statu

Nala: ROFL

what was her response?

Katie: "I have Matt Damon marked out, sry."

Nala: WOAH

she's got her sights set high

Katie: :-D

Nala: what if we got william to look like Matt Damon?

Katie: to the status with you!

Nala: we could smash his face against a wall several times...

Anna: *in a happy preschool TV show voice* We have hearts everywhere on Valentines Day! A story about two little boys and an old man!
KB: Oh no.

Kyle: I think I will go to the wife store
Kyle: would you like to go with me
KB: good idea
KB: nah
KB: I don't need one
Kyle: and help me
Kyle: pick out a good one
KB: haha
KB: well ok
Kyle: make sure she makes good sammiches etc plz

Katie: um

also today

and you better believe I submitted this to MLIA

we were talking about how fat VA was

and she was telling me about how yesterday she was 3.5 pounds fat (3.5 pounds over the socially acceptable limit of 110 pounds, as defined by myself, according to Jesse)

and then she took off her coat and she was only .5 pounds fat

and I said, "Just think how not fat you'd be if you weighed yourself in the nude!"

(our bathroom scale is in front of the art closet)

Nala: O.O

Katie: and then I said, "Sometime when the family is all gone... I'm gonna do that."

and she gave me this look

and said

"You know, there's a reason they have scales in the bathroom.... called bathroom scales..."

it had never occurred to me that I could actually pick up the scale and move it into the bathroom to weigh myself in the nude

and even THEN it didn't occur to me that I could do it while people were home until we told my mom and she said I didn't even have to wait

Nala:

WOWOW

KB, I still don't see how it DIDN'T occur to you that you could weigh yourself in the nude in the BATHROOM, WHILE everyone was home

wow

Katie: I DON'T KNOW, OK

Katie: "Today, I read an MLIA about how if you put your earphones in your nose, you can play music out of your mouth. It worked. I also discovered that if you do this in a public library, people will give you funny looks. MLIA"

Nala: :-D

Katie: it doesn't work

I'm trying it now

Nala:

WOWOW

Katie: I just caught a glimpse of myself in the window

Nala: you're supposed to open your mouth

Katie: HAHA

my mouth is open

obviously

Nala: oh okay

Katie: maybe I just cna't hear it cuz it's my head

I'm glad you corrected me about it though

I'm glad you're taking it seriously

Nala: I'm about DEAD right now

I think other people need to hear about this too

Katie: dangit

Nala:

QUOTABLES

Katie: I forgot we're out of tissues in here

Weighing myself in the elevator for a Physics lab:
KB: Ok, that's exactly 110 pounds.
Brandon: ....I'm two of you.

Patience: *saunters up with a paper shield, Nerf sword, and sparring mask* *menacingly* Whoooo wantth to fight me firtht?
VA: I'll fight you first.
Patience: *menacingly* Okay. Wait, you don't have your thtuff!
VA: That's ok. *gives me a significant look* I'm maid of honor.
KB: *stares at her*
VA: *starts to look confused*
KB: WHAT?!
VA: Wait. I didn't mean... I don't know WHY I said that.
KB: I think maybe you meant "made of IRON"?
VA: IRON! Yeah.

Announcer: And he's going in for the home run!
KB: THIS IS FOOTBALL!
Rebecca: Virginia doesn't know the difference.
VA: I do NOW!

Patience: You jutht thtabbed me with your shoulder!

VA: Bust a move!
KB: ....Thanks! But it's a little cramped in the shower so I'll have to wait.
VA: .....WHAT?!
KB: Did you not say, "Bust a move?"
VA: Oh. Yeah. I completely forgot I said that.

VA: Daddy dropped his glasses in the paint. It was a fun moment.
KB: Wow, um, I bet it wasn't fun for Daddy....
VA: It actually wasn't fun for any of us...
KB: Hahaha. Did he cuss?
VA: Jk, he didn't get that mad
He just sounded sort of sad.
KB: Lol! Was that his last pair?
VA: He was saddened not only from his present affliction, but from the fact that he had previously dropped his rag in the paint.
KB: Wow, not a good day for the paint.
VA: I don't know
or glasses
KB: Or rags

Drew: I think im becoming a superhero.
KB: Oh yeah?? How's it work??
Drew: I'll let u know when i find out what my powers are. But last nite my snot was neon yellow!
KB: NICE. That has to be a good sign.
Drew: Of course! And all this coughing is my insides changing.
KB: Cool. :-D
Drew: Thats my theory at least.

KB: How goes the transformation? Any new developments?
Drew: Well i did catch a pen that fell off the desk mid air...
KB: Super reflexes, possibly? You'll proably be able to do all kinds of flips in a little bit.
Drew: Hmm...maybe i was mistaken, maybe im a ninja!
KB: Always a possibility! But do they have neon yellow snot? I was always under the impression that ninja powers were in the "achieve greatness" category while super powers were in the "greatness thrust upon them" category. (Being the child of Zeus or somebody is the "born great" category.)
Drew: Haha! Well dad said it was a sinus infection...i find that suspicious!
KB: So do I. A sinus infection sounds entirely too mundane.
Drew: Psh yeah, i think hes hiding something...
KB: Maybe HE had a so-called "sinus infection" once.
Drew: Hmmm...OR he's the nemesis of said "sinus infection" people. That would make for very awkward family gatherings...
KB: Yet another possibility!
Drew: He told me it was tmi, yet another highly suspect reaction.
KB: Hmmm. You should probably avoid him until you know for sure if he's nemesis or ally.
Drew: Hmmm fact.

In bed at 11:00 on Saturday morning:
KB: I'm really hot and I wanna get up but I have to fix my blankets first and I'm not looking forward to that, so here I am... not doing it.
VA: That's my favorite way of fixing problems.

VA: I'm reading this article on good study habits because I'm procrastinating.

KB: is that all? May I go?
Kyle: You may leave.
KB: thank you
Kyle: No problem.. none at all.
KB: no doubt i will see your bright shining... text... a manana
Kyle: yes. maybe an essay if you're lucky
btw I do need a grade on those essays I sent u
need it for my report card
KB: those nonexistent essays?
Kyle: uh the essay I text to u
KB: well
one essay
on Oakleys and how the world is a brighter, happier place when it is not scratchy
Kyle: ya well I tent to text essays on the regular
just bc I only sent one essay don't mean u cant send no grade
KB: true
Kyle: btw my grammar is impervious to error
KB: B+
oh
Kyle: thanks
I got a B+ in boxing
then weds I lost part of my tooth
:-/
awkward.

Arie: Oh man. This is GENIUS. When my wife gets pregnant I'm gonna paint a mural on her stomach. It's gonna be of the baby as it looks in her stomach. It's gonna be awesome! Hey, WAIT. YOU'RE an artist. YOU can do it!
KB: Uhh, oh!
Arie: Yeah, you'll paint the mural.

Nala: (you know, I love MLIA, but sharing them with you, and then hearing the stories that inevitably come after them is even better!)

KB: Man, I need to work up my calves. I have like NO calves.
VA: You have more than me....
KB: You have chicken legs!
Later, doing P90:
VA: Man, look at his quads! They're like the size of a chicken!
KB: .....Wouldn't that mean that he, too, has chicken legs?
VA: .....Oh yeah. Well I mean one chicken PER THIGH.

Anna: *shows me a paper "laptop"* I have two CDs in here. One is for saving the world, and one is Humorous Movies and Shows, Disc 2.

At 1:00 am:
KB: You know how some people use their cell phones as flashlights when it's dark?
VA: Yeah....
KB: Well a refrigerator is a pretty good flashlight. Why don't people just carry their refrigerators around?
VA: That might work too....
KB: Yeah. I think I'll do that.
VA: It's a little late for you.

Mr. Tucci: The earth doesn't make grunty noises when it turns.

Watching figure skating:
KB: She's not Egyptian! She looks like an Egyptian. Is she an Egyptian?!
Announcer says she's from Japan.
KB: See?! She's not Egyptian! Psstt! You're not Egyptian!...... You're TWO Gyptians!
Rebecca: *giggles a lot*
VA: What?! No, it's an Egyptian, like an Email.
KB: Ohhh, like a virtual Gyptian!
VA: Yeah!

Hana: I told Nathanael about my dream last night. He asked me what I was on. I told him I wasn't but that I was best friends with a red head. He said he loved how that could always explain any thing.

Max: what if you always had a second option? and it was cake?

Jesse: Patience, can you please move your merchandise to a more suitable location?
Patience: WHAT did you thay?
Jesse: Can you put your stuff away?

Brandon: The calculator's like, "What the crap!"

Because I Am a Lifeguard

2010-03-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

You all know I'm a lifeguard. I'm certified in lifeguarding, CPR, Oxygen, AED, First Aid, and not to be incomplete, BBP.

(If you're don't know, that's Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, uh, Oxygen, Automated External Defibrillator, uh, First Aid, and Blood Borne Pathogens.)

I also work out.

Basically what it boils down to is that I've taken a bunch of classes and spent a lot of time preparing so that I'm mentally and physically prepared to sit in a white chair and watch you frolic.

Every now and then I might get to jump in and save one of you, but really, I'm supposed to be more preventive so I can watch you safely from afar.

Oh, and I get to use a lot of sunscreen.

I know you think I'm a very caring person to do all of this for you. I know you think I do it out of the deepest goodness of my heart. I know you think that I've got my eyes peeled every second of every shift. I know you think I don't miss a thing.

What you don't realize is that while all of that may be true (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it), you really hit on the most important part: I don't miss a thing.

I see you when you throw your kid into the air. I see when your kid swims through the rail. I see that bright flash of pure white skin that tells me your kid is not wearing a swim band. I see your kid diving into the shallow end. I see your swimsuit.

Yeah. Can I just say something about swimsuits?

I just Googled it, and "suit" is referred to in more than one place as "a set of garments." Now pair that with the word "swim" and I guess you'd have "a set of garments made for swimming." I just Googled "swimsuit" too, and yes indeed, it is referred to as a "garment."

I also just Googled "garment," and it, to put it shortly, is something that is supposed to "cover the body."

Your swimgarment isn't doing that.

Actually that's the smallest swimgarment I've ever seen. How does it stay on? Where did you get it? I merely ask because my six-year-old sister needs a new swimsuit and that one looks about her size. You are not her size. You wouldn't be interested in giving it up, would you? No, it's ok. I just thought I'd ask because you seem to be coming out of it.

No, it's cool. Just thought I'd ask.

Dads? I feel for you. I know your wife is in the gym working out or something and you were sweet and said you'd take the kids up to the pool. She probably offered to get them into their suits, but you said no, it's cold out, I'll do it when we get to the locker room.

Sir, let me show you how this strange pink contraption works. I know you've never worn one, but it's a bit like underwear. The skinny part goes in the front. The not skinny part goes in the back.

I just thought I'd tell you because the skinny part of your daughter's swimsuit is in the back. Again. For the third time this week. And she looks uncomfortable. Again.

No, it's cool. Just thought I'd let you know.

Oh, and lap swimmers? You might want to have your wives check the backs of your jammers before you come to the pool. If she can see through them, it's time to get a new pair.

No, it's cool. Just... don't do anymore flip turns today.

Thanks.

Notes, Observations, and Other Eccentricities

2010-02-24T19:17:00.000-08:00

This is a hodge-podge post because I have stuff to say, but not really. So here we go. I think I'll order these according to category, because I'm a freak like that.

Notes - I got accepted into The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham. It's gonna be a switch, for sure. I'm torn, because I do want to go there. I do. It's just that I had absolutely zero doubt that I would get in, so I feel like it wasn't a big enough challenge, which is kind of disappointing. But that's just me being retarded. It should be a great school (expensive, though).

Observations - Rebecca got braces. She keeps complaining that her teeth hurt and that she can't talk, but as far as I can tell she's talking as much as ever.

Eccentricities - Anna is running around singing Man in the Mirror because she thinks she's black. That's ok, Michael Jackson thought he was white.

Notes - Quotables coming soon.

Observations - It's weird when you're not friends with someone and then all of a sudden you are, apparently, and you're like, "Hey, we're not friends, I didn't approve of this! Why are we friends? Who says?"

Eccentricities - Virginia has got to be the most forgetful person in the world. We had this conversation in the car today:

KB: The drive-in has Avatar.
VA: I know. I saw that when Mommy and I were driving up here.
Later, as we pass the drive-in:
VA: *mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "Hey they have Avatar."*
KB: What?
VA: Um. I was going to say they had Avatar... but then I remembered you'd just told me that.
KB: And when I told you, you said you already knew!
VA: Oh yeah... man, I forgot and then I forgot that I forgot!

I rest my case.

Notes - I haven't gotten more than about five or six hours of sleep in the last three nights. I'm dead tired.

Observations - I worked out for a full hour and a half at the gym yesterday. It felt awesome and today I can't move. It still feels awesome, but it's inconvenient when I try to do complicated things like walking.

Eccentricities - Today I had to go to the scholarship ceremony at school. This definitely counts as eccentric.

Notes - The dog is giving himself a bath behind me and it's gross.

Observations - It's high time I had a photo shoot. Who wants to help?

Eccentricities - I am a banana. (My spoon is too big.)

How to Write an Essay 101

2010-02-11T18:17:00.000-08:00

I guess it's bad when your dad (of all people) tells you a few times a week that "you haven't posted since DECEMBER 28TH." Yeah, well... well... well nothin', I just didn't.

Sorry.

Tonight, rather than actually writing my admissions essay (due tomorrow), I'd like to teach y'all how to write one, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.

While I do it I'll watch Emma so I can feel like I'm actually accomplishing things.

(Don't worry. I really will write the essay tonight.)

Ok. I'm all set, so here we go. Please listen closely.

Essays Made Easy

1. First of all, you have to read the essay assignment. This part is kind of important since it allows you to actually write an essay that will not be immediately throw in the trash (we hope).

We'll take my essay assignment as an example.

What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from the Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?

2. Second, you should probably check the word requirement to see how long your essay has to be. Make sure you know whether the number refers to words or characters, and whether it means with or without spaces. This will keep you from writing like seven million words and having to cut out about three million when you find out at the last minute that you were supposed to be writing with a character limit, not a word limit. Not that it happened to me personally or anything.

Fortunately the essay I'm supposed to be writing right now is "about 150 words, give or take." I'm glad AI is so specific.

3. Brainstorming comes next. This is when you really get down to business and start getting stuff done. Personally, I printed out the essay question and wrote down ideas underneath. I'll show you my list, so you can get an idea of how to do it really well.

What degree are you seeking at The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham, why do you want this degree, and how do you expect your education from The Art Institute of Raleigh-Durham to help you obtain your career goals?

(In blue pen):

Graphic design b/c I want to be a graphic designer (design what?). CD's, posters, promotional art, clothing graphics, life (so there).

AI will help by:
- Giving me experience to visualize what the client wants
- Teaching me to complete a project for web and print
- Teaching me diff. aspects of design (type, color, composition)
- Putting me in debt for the rest of my life
- Stealing my soul
- Exposing me to freaks of every disposition
- Taking all my money
- Allowing me to finish college faster
- Crunching my classes into two days
- Did I mention taking all my money?
- Probably traumatizing me b/c Durham is such a hellhole
- But then, so is Henderson
- Dante had obviously been to Durham
- Durham was probably his inspiration, actually
- Don't even try to tell me it isn't true
- Btw i luv art
- Please don't take all that money
- I needs it

(Flip page):

But really... (what do they expect from 150 words anyway? Come on.)

Computer, here I come.

Hm. Well, I started out alright.

Quotables!

2009-12-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

You can tell I'm enjoying my vacation when I don't even post. At all. Anyway, time for quotables!

***

VA: For better or for worse.
KB: Woo.
VA: For better or for worse. Till meth do its part.

Patience: *hanging on Maggie*
Maggie: *trips*
VA: Patience, you need to stop that. You're causing her to stumble.

VA: Man, I'm getting so tired of showering.

Katie: Sam is an enigma to me

and I don't know why

Nala: obviously

Katie: lol!

what?!

Nala: that's what an enigma is!

that's the most amazing quote ever

ROFL

"Sam is an enigma to me, and I don't know why"

Katie: oh

LOL

hahahahaha

but I MEAN....

sheesh

Nala: ROFL

Katie: whatever :-P

Nala: QUOTABLES

QUOTABLES

Katie: hahahaha

I CAN'T PUT THAT IN QUOTABLES

SAM MIGHT READ THEM

Nala: YES YOU CAN

Katie: NO

NO I CANNOT

Nala: SO, CHANGE HIS NAME

Katie: well I could

but I WON--oh

Nala: :-D

Katie: yeah I could do that :-P

^Heheheh.^

VA: *solemnly* I feel the giggles engulfing me.

VA: You know that song?
KB: ......
VA: The Trisha Yearwood one?
KB: ......
VA: The Walkaway Joke one?
KB: Yeah?................. So?
VA: I forgot about it.

Jack: ARE YOU IN YOUR BOXERS?!?!
Si: I fowgot my pants!

VA: *in the dark of the theater* Look at that little dude who went to see Twilight.
KB: He probably brought females with him.
VA: *disparagingly* He doesn't look like the type to attract women.
KB: ?!?!?!
VA: Of course, all I saw was his glasses.

VA: *still waiting for the movie to start*What happens in New Moon again?
KB: Virginia!!
VA: I forgot! It's when he................?
KB: Uh, Edward LEAVES?
VA: Ohh, so this is gonna be her lying in the woods the whole time. Got it.

Anna: YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SIGN THE PEACE TREATY!!!

Talking about birds' mating habits:
Dr. Settles: So this guy's floofing out his feathers trying to get her attention, and dancin' around in circles and stuff.
KB: *to Janna* I think all guys should do that....
Janna: Yeah, why can't human guys do that?
KB: Hoppin' around....
Janna: That's gonna be a requirement for the guy I marry.

Kyle: can I have an aligator on a leash
KB: depends on what you want it for
Kyle: do you not trust me with a pet aligator on a leash.

Max: i know i could put a 115 above my head, well atleast a barbell. people are more floppy :)
KB: um, yes, I am definitely more floppy than a barbell
KB: rofl
Max: and squishy

KB: I have never SEEN so many people at the dollar store. They were GROCERY SHOPPING. They had SHOPPING CARTS.
Mommy: Wow, there must have been a major sale at the dollar store.
Jesse: "Ninety cents!!! Oh!!! This is such a good deal!"
KB: Ha! "Ninety-NINE cents! OH!! If I buy one hundred things, it will save me a dollar!"
VA: Why don't you just buy ninety-nine things?
KB: *gives her a look* Because that would only save me ninety-nine cents....
VA: So?
KB: So I could save a hundred cents!
VA: *gives me a look* You say that like ninety-nine cents is sooo much less than a dollar.
KB: Exactly! Why would... why would you even say that in the first place?! Why not just buy a hundred things?!
VA: I don't really know....
KB: This conversation is not making ANY SENSE AT ALL.
VA: Yeah....
KB: I AM SO CONFUSED.
VA: Me too. I didn't actually know what y'all were talking about in the first place.

Mommy: I'm sorry you're sick in all the wrong places.

Kyle: why do you insist on per
Kyle: per
Kyle: per
Kyle: crap waht's that word
KB: lol!!
KB: I have NO idea
KB: rofl
Kyle: . the word that means to put off until later
Kyle: procrastinate
Kyle: there we go
KB: HAHA
Kyle: percrastinate

Max: lets see if u can reach my weight by next november, u only have... 68 more lbs to go!

Katie: hahaha

I would be a sphere ;-)

Max: lol, spheres are great, you can roll them...

Isaiah: take out your anger on some teddy bears: http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier

Katie: this sounds promising

Isaiah: ;)

Katie: who in the world thought of such a thing?

Isaiah: don't know, but I want to marry them

(provided that they're, you know, a girl. ;)

Katie: I'm starting to think I may actually finish this test

it's confusing as heck (heck is very confusing) trying to keep all the x's and y's straight, but really not all that bad and fun once you get the hang of it

Nala: I know heck is confusing...

I've been through it and back recently

I was very confused

Jordan texts me a picture of a page of Elsie Dinsmore, beginning "Elsie alone preserved a cheerful serenity," and going on to describe in great detail how the vehicle hurtled madly down the road and a powerful negro threw himself in front of it for no reason at all, risking life and limb, etc. etc. etc. I text him back.

KB: GASP. A powerful negro, risking life and limb for some po white folk?!?!?! Do go on!!! (not really)

Jordan: I didn't read that far. Only the first sentence was intended for audiences.

KB: Rofl. The sad thing is I remember that part.

Jordan: I weep for your soul.

KB: I alone shall preserve a cheerful serenity.

Jordan: Saints preserve us.

KB: I don't know about saints, but surely a powerful negro will come along shortly who is eager to risk his useless little life for complete strangers.

Jordan: Pretty sure you're going to hell for that one. Which is good, cause it means we can hang out.

KB: Hahaha. Are you going for sending that in the first place?

Jordan: I'm going for laughing at your text.

Nala: though, not your cheerful serenity, please

Nala: I'd rather have you on the red-heads-conquer-all war path.

VA: *singing* I'm a-gonna break out.
KB: Are you?
VA: Any minute now.

VA: *mumbles something unintelligible*
KB: What was that??
VA: I SAID, "I ain't got a motorboat but I can float your boat."
KB: Thank you for that.
VA: Anyway, I'm going. I'll see ya.
KB: .....Goodbye....

VA: I was trying to teach William ghetto language.
KB: Cuz you're so black.
VA: It was the shawty inside of me.

Talking about blueberry bagels while I fix myself dinner
VA: So have you tried them?
KB: I can't EAT bagels! They HURT!
VA: Oh. What are you making?
KB: Bagels.

VA: I TOLD you they played this song on this station!
KB: I didn't say they didn't....
VA: I know.
KB: Ha ha! "I TOLD YOU." "I never said...!!" "I know."
VA: Heh. I got a little excited.

VA: You know, it occurred to me recently that Fergie dresses like those Indians that only wore strings.
KB: .............EXACTLY like that?
VA: Well.... maybe not EXACTLY... with some embellishments... like she uses sequins where they just have little strips of cloth.

VA: This feels so WRONG. Katie Beth, isn't this WEIRD?
KB: *I look at her but can't see anything weird about her washing dishes* Uh... what?
VA: Look! It's so WEIRD!
KB: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
VA: Look! I'm washing them in the RIGHT sink!
KB: Oh. Why?
VA: Cuz we don't have the thing for the other one.
KB: ........It fits in BOTH.....
VA: Well thanks for TELLING me....

Katie: btw, VA is dimtarded

I have to keep opening up my quotables page because she's so dimtarded

Nala: :-D

it's amazing

Katie: I got kind of distracted when my photo album took over your brain!

Nala: well, that's not my fault.

KB: What's on the neck of your shirt?
VA: What? No clue. Hey, why am I wearing this shirt? I thought I'd changed.

David: I almost put my towel on the sandwiches.
Daniel: That would be bad for the towel!

Mr. Thorsen: Where's my plate?
Everyone else: It's on the counter by the snowman carcass.

VA: Man, don't you just love that feeling when you roll over in bed and you get all comfortable and you think, "AHHHH. THIS is where I was meant to be."

William: My handth ah told.
KB: Oh, yeah. Would you like me to rub them to warm them up?
William: Oh no.

Playing Silent Football
KB: *pats head*
Jesse: Yes, Mrs. Katie Beth?
KB: Mr. President, Mr. Philip was giggling.
Philip: *pats head urgently*
Jesse: Yes, Mr. Philip?
Philip: *sheepishly* Mr. President, I did not know that giggling was not allowed.

Matthew: Hey, where was that kind of pizza?! I never saw that!
Andrew: I guess you weren't LOOKIN'.
Matthew: I was lookin' TOO hard.
Andrew: If it was a snake it woulda bit ya!
Matthew: If it was a snake it woulda bit me... where would it have bit me?
Andrew: Well it was about... here... so about here....
Matthew: Oh, about mid-torso. Man, those mid-torso bites are the worst.
Andrew: Eight out of eleven mid-torso bites are fatal!
Lizzie: Eight out of eleven? How do you know?
Andrew: ...Roadside sightings....

My cell phone has a sense of humor

2009-12-03T19:14:00.000-08:00

I texted the wrong person. I texted Drew what I meant to text Hana and then had to retext Drew to correct it.

As I was replying to Drew's text in which she said that she was just about to ask what I was smoking, I realized that my phone had two options for the word I was trying to type.

One of them was "weedcab."

I have nothing more to say.

Don't Limit Me, Desk Ladies

2009-11-10T19:09:00.000-08:00

Today I had a four-hour calculus class.

It wasn't really a four-hour calculus class, but after our one-hour calculus class, a couple people from the class and I went to the library to study since we have a test in a couple days. We studied by ourselves for an hour and a half, then the teacher came to help us study for the next hour and a half. The other two people may have stayed longer, but I didn't, so I don't know.

I call them "the two people." I don't know how to spell the girl's name, and I don't know the guy's name. I can't ask him now, because we've been studying together and I still don't know his name, so it's long past the grace period of, "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" That grace period is something like the first two or three weeks of the semester. The semester is now almost over so I figure I'll just never know his name.

I assume The Two People don't read this blog. If they do, I guess I'm in trouble. Hello, Two People. My apologies.

I also ate a bologna burger. It was from the campus "snack bar," which apparently sells more than "snacks." The fact that I 1). Ate food from the snack bar, and 2). Ate a bologna burger at all are momentous events in my life. Events that I would like to forget.

The bologna burger was a gift from The Female Half of The Two People, who likes bologna burgers. In a way I'm glad I ate it because I'd always wondered what one was, and I guess also because it saved me from definite starvation. But now I know what it is, and my dislike of mayonnaise is intensified.

Moving past the bologna burger, hopefully forever, I will now talk about what I came to talk about: the library.

I firmly believe that the Vance-Granville Community College library, or the Learning Resource Center (LRC to you) is bigger than either the Franklinton library or the Louisburg library, which is pretty sad. That does not, by the way, mean that the LRC is big.

I wish they would just call it "the library." The title "Learning Resource Center" is entirely too long and vast for VGCC, and makes me want to have a headache.

There are a lot of signs in the LRC. "No eating, drinking, or smoking in the LRC." "Turn your cell phones OFF." "You must sign up to use the computers." Etc. etc. I don't really mind those, except the drinking part, because I like to have my beer where it's quiet and the LRC is the quietest place on campus.

Just kidding. There are other quiet places on campus.

Anyway, the signs I dislike the most are the ones that say, "No sleeping in this area."

The LRC is full of padded chairs.

The LRC even has a sofa area for comfy reading.

And we are in college.

College students are exhausted all the time. It's one of those qualifications for being in college. We're tired because we stay up late, working feverishly, so when we open a book during the day we immediately fall asleep. Because we fall asleep over our books, we don't get much done during the day, so we have to stay up late, working feverishly. Then we get sick. That makes us tired. It's a vicious cycle, I know, but heaven forbid that I should be the one to break the mold and get my work done early and not have to stay up late, working feverishly.

So why on earth the LRC should have signs saying, "No sleeping in this area," I can't fathom. That's exactly what everyone wants to do when they see those comfy chairs. And the signs are everywhere. They're over the individual study area (quite possibly the worst place to nap anyway); they're over the quiet reading area (the best place to nap); I think they're even over the group study area (what?).

The LRC and its signs causes me a lot of angst.

Someday I just want to take a nap and see what the desk ladies say. My group always studies in the "Individual Study Area" and not once have they said anything. Maybe I'll nap in stages. First I'll doze while I'm reading in the comfy chairs. The next day I'll study at the tables, but with my head down on my paper. The day after that I'll just sleep there. Then I'll climb up on the table to sleep. Then I'll bring a pillow and a blanket. Then I'll get on the desk.

Really, there's no end to what I could do. At least until the desk ladies kick me out.

"It's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car and not because I printed it out recently."

2009-11-04T20:37:00.000-08:00

If you can name that movie you'll know what it has to do with this post.

I was going to go to bed, but where's the fun in that? Besides, I forgot to put sheets on my bed.

Virginia and I got our hairs cut a couple weeks ago, but apparently we both forgot to have our bangs trimmed. I personally was thinking I'd go for a long no-bang look, totally forgetting that I hate that look and that the half-bangs, half-not-bangs drive me crazy. I don't know what Virginia was thinking.

We talked about it, though, and were left dissatisfied. Our bangs must be fixed, but we weren't about to go pay $15 just to have them trimmed.

So.

I watched a video. (This video, if you must know.) I pretty much figured that watching that one video qualified me for any side-swept-bang-cutting needs ever. So I went to find Virginia.

"Hey. Want me to cut your bangs?" (*gleeful hand-clasping*)

"What?! No!!" (*horror*)

"But I watched a video on YouTube."

"Ok."

I grabbed her before she could change her mind (the whole time thinking, "Really? It was that easy?"), and I cut her bangs.

About halfway through the process she said, "You watched a video? And I let you do this?!"

She did specify that if I messed up I had to pay to get them fixed....

But y'know what? It went well. So then I cut my own bangs, which also went well.

C'mon. Like I was gonna cut my own hair without practicing on someone else first.

Anyway, I'm quite pleased. And I still have my $30 (to get both of our heads fixed...), so I'm even more pleased.

There are my bangs, in all their midnightness. (In other words, ignore my face. Midnight is not its thing. And yet it is... it is so its thing....) Also at an ISO that would be completely unnecessary were I not sitting in the dark.

You should definitely try this if your bangs are long but you don't need anything else cut. It's super fun chopping your own hair to pieces anyway.

Now that's enough stalling. I go forth to conquer. Or at least to put sheets on my bed. Goodnight, my precious weirdos.

You have to be a weirdo to read this blog.

School is eating me alive

2009-10-28T16:31:00.001-07:00

So you get quotables! Enjoy.

(In other news, I need to swing dance.)

***

Stephen: *staring at something on the counter*
Genise: That is a strawberry bagel.
Stephen: Oh. It looks like someone died in the batter.

Stephen: UUUUNNNNNHHHHHHH. And again I say UUUUNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH.

Lizzie: my across the hall-mate decided that I was my roommate's imaginary friend

Lizzie: we should have a reunion
all groover friends
that would be nuts
KB: I agree
I think that would be fantastic
except we would have to have it, like... everywhere in the world
cuz that's the only place that would fit us all
everywhere
Lizzie: hahaha
wow
i think we could fit in russia
its big
KB: we probably could fit in russia
and they don't really have anything to do with anyway
all the ruskies
so we could kick 'em out temporarily
and use their space
and their furry hats
Lizzie: haha, good luck
KB: we'd ned thsoe too
need*/those*
Lizzie: yeah, they have plenty of furry hats
KB: definitely
an abundance, I'd say
Lizzie: probably a plethora

Lizzie: I miss small lisping redheads saying funny, funny things
KB: hahaha
Lizzie: and also you and va and jesse
but also small lisping redheads
KB: yeah, the small lisping redheads pretty much take the cake
Lizzie: yeah, and I don't even like cake that much
they can have it anytime
KB: same here
Lizzie: ice cream is more better
KB: I like brownies
Lizzie: as long as they are made of ice cream
:)
i like brownies too

Mr. Turner: *sudden coughing fit* *surprised voice* I swallowed my gum.

KB: Hi.
Patience: Hey babeh.

Daddy: Hey, we're havin' a party!
KB: I DON'T THINK I CAN COME.
Daddy: We're gonna have a party!
KB: I GUESS IT COULD BE FUN..... Are we really having a party?
Anna: It's Ginger Ale. That's pretty much, like, all of the party.

Anna: Katie Beth, do your snazzy Y friends love you?
KB: Um... yeeees?
Anna: Do they love you like a cool summer wind?
KB: .........
Patience: I know they don't.
Anna: I know they do.

KB: read a boring history book or something and you'll be sleepy
Kyle: lol
Kyle: read chinese historu
Kyle: :-/
KB: you could read my nutrition book
Kyle: no :-/
KB: that would probably bore you to death
Kyle: the internet is pretty boring
KB: haha
Kyle: I am going to write a song
Kyle: "The internet is boring tonight"
KB: hahaha
KB: tell me how it turns out
Kyle: it won't

Rebecca: I have a quotable and I demand you put it on youw blog.

About a kid in art class talking about how peacocks are beautiful:
Patience: But little kidth can't even thay beautiful!

Anna: WHERE did you get that Chik-Fil-A cup?
KB: .............

Sarah: Laken! You're supposed to be treading water! Why are you floating on your back?!
Laken: I'm not floating! I'm treading water with my ears.

Jesse: *at 8:30 pm* Good morning.
KB: .....Not yet!
Jesse: I was born before my time.

VA: I've never had pancakes like the ones at the Biblical Student Worldview Conference.
KB: ....They were bad, right?
VA: Yeah, they were like, *makes unbending motions with hands*. They were like rubber. You could have made tires out of them.
KB: *only sort of listening* Mmhm.
VA: They were like a snack for the road.
KB: *looks at her*
VA: *smug, expectant look*
KB: You just wanted to say that, didn't you.
VA: *starts to giggle* Yeah. I thought of it earlier and I've been waiting to say it. Hee hee hee!

Patience: *runs by completely naked* Bloooooming tiiiiiiiger!

KB: *takes out finished peacock drawing* Hello, peacockian.
VA: He's hott.

Mommy: *praying* And I pray that You'll help Jesse and Alec to be themselves but still make a good impression.

Talking about plant adaption in Biology:
Dr. Settles: And you know how it is when your neighbor's all pushin' against you and annoying you and crowding you out and not letting you get any food. What do you do when your neighbor's all in your space? You turn around and you eat your neighbor.

CRASH
Anna: Nothing broke!

Ashley: Yes, Pirates are winning!
KB: Sweet. Who are they playing?
Ashley: UCF.... wherever that is.
KB: University of... Central... Florida?
Ashley: Is that what it is?
KB: I dunno, I made that up.
Ashley: Oh. University of... Califffffornia?
KB and Ashley: Nooo.......
KB: University of... Colorado at... Finland?
Ashley: University of College Flappers?
KB: They play football?
Ashley: That's why we're winning.

VA: You look like you need to be kissed.
Patience: Well I don't. I jutht look like it.

Anna: A pound cake: WEIGHS a pound, and you POUND it with your hands!
KB: Incorrect.
Anna: What?! I thought I looked it up in the Great Dictionary of Anna's Mind!

Patience: I get thick a lot.
KB: You do not.
Patience: I do! I remember at leatht TWO TIMETH when I got a FEVER.
KB: Patience... you're six years old... that's not--
Patience: Onthe I got thick from playing marbleth.

William: I dot dat boom boom pow.

Daddy: Hey, wanna squeeze a workout in?
KB: .................Right NOW??
Daddy: Yeah!
KB: But then we'd be all gross and sweaty!
Daddy: We'd have time to shower!
KB: IN THE DAY???
Daddy: ...........................Yeesss?
KB: No one showers IN THE DAY! It's WRONG!
Daddy: Okaaaayyyy....
A few minutes later:
Daddy: I just asked Jesse. He said, "*makes disturbed eyes* Wouldn't we have to shower?"

William: I haven't not too!

Watching bobcat videos:
Daddy: Who thinks up these tricks?
Anna: Benjamin Franklin.

Patience: *COUGHHACKWHEEZECOUGHCOUGH*
KB: How are you feeling, Patience?
Patience: *COUGHHACKCOUGHCOUGH* Good.

William: *stands on the base of the basketball hoop* Dith ah my hoppletopple.
KB: .......A hoppletopple?
William: No! A hoppletopple!
KB: ...........A hoppertopper?
William: NO! Dith ah my hoppletopple!
KB: .................*bright assenting voice* Oh! ............Cool! *really has no idea*
After William leaves:
KB: Daddy, do you know what a "hoppletopple" is?
Daddy: Uh... no.... What is it?
KB: I don't know. William said the base of the basketball hoop was one. Maybe I'll ask Anna later. I bet she'll know.
Later:
KB: Anna, do y'all call the base of the basketball hoop a funny name?
Anna: Nooooo..... why?
KB: William said it was a.... "hoppletopple," or something like that.
Anna: Oh! *like it's obvious* That's a helicopter!
KB: Ah. I thought you'd know.

Answering the phone:
Anna: Goodnight, I mean goodbye, I mean hello?

Answering the phone again:
Anna: Hello? ..........Nooooo, Mr. Allen does not live here... OOOHHHHH, sorry!! *nervous hopping*
Us: *DIE*
Anna: *after she hangs up* That WAS Mr. Allen.

William: Yook Mommy, I a women!
Mommy: Nooo.... you're a little boy.
William: No! I a women!
Mommy: You're not a woman, William.
William: NO! I A WOMEN!
Mommy: William, you're not--
Rebecca: Mommy, he's saying he's SWIMMING.

Mommy: Girls, did you see how William obeyed me just then?
Anna: Nope!
Mommy: I told him not to play with that and he said, "Okay," and put it down. That's how y'all need to obey.
KB: Even though he completely ignored me when I told him....
Mommy: Well that is true....
Anna: Ok Mommy! That's how I'll obey. I'll completely ignore Katie Beth and--
KB: Hey! Mommy, no!!

Anna: Mommy, I am SO AWESOME. I mean, I am SO GOOD at figuring stuff out!
KB: And you're so egotistical!
Anna: Yeah! I'm egertistical!
KB: I don't think you know what "egotistical" means.
Anna: What does it mean?
KB: It means you're proud.
Anna: *horrified, sheepish face* OH. I thought it meant I was eager!

William: *giggling* Nooo! Don't tickle my yittle feet!
Us: HA HA! *tickle him some more*
William: Don't tickle my yittle tummy!!

Patrick: I won't be able to tell if it's thundering because that woman's kicking is so... thunderous.

Genise is so involved in ignoring Drew on Skype that she isn't paying attention:
KB: You're watching golf.
Genise: Oh! *changes the channel*

With Drew on Skype on Genise's computer and GTalk on KB's computer:
Genise: Wow, it's like Drew in surround sound.

Anna: Katie Beth, did you see the Mexican band at Wal-Mart???
KB: No, I wasn't there then.
Anna: It was so cool! They were dressed all the same, and they were singing in Spanish or Russian or something!

One person can only handle so much - Part 2

2009-10-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here eating pizza and I thought, "Hey, what better way to gross myself out than to post the second half of that blog post!"

So here I am.

I spoke of cake on cake before. Some of you (ok, one of you) told me that cake on cake didn't sound that bad, and definitely gave me to believe that it was something you (ok, he) would willfully ingest.

Well you're wrong. WRONG, I tell you. Cake on cake is a glorified Oreo, and if I wanted an Oreo I would have gotten an Oreo. It isn't like we don't have giant Costco boxes of Oreos around here. In fact, I had some today.

But I digress.

The second part of this mad journey of Absolutely Wrong burst upon me one day when I looked in the fridge ("It's not the 'fridge,' Patience told me later, "It's the fridgerator."). I don't remember what I was looking for, but it didn't matter. I only saw one thing anyway.

And I was disgusted.

I was repulsed.

I was angry.

I was repulsed.

Did I mention I was repulsed?

You know that I would never do this to you, but please. Allow me to rant. Just this once.

Advertising is a wonderful thing. Without it we would never get anywhere. It makes things known. It gets things accomplished. It's big, bad, colorful.

And ok, it plays with peoples' minds and makes them want things they don't need, and that totally appeals to the dictator in me.

But that's not what's going on here. Food advertising is supposed to make that particular food that you already need desirable. It's supposed to make you want this particular brand over that particular brand.

This box doesn't do that. It makes me want to puke. And that is bad for business.

Ok, get to the point, you say. Ok, I will.

I opened the fridge that day, and I saw... this.

Really, Katie Beth? you say. You got that worked up over butter?

Yes, really. You haven't seen the side of the box yet. Hold your ponies.

BUTTER CURLS.

BUTTER CURLS?

I'm telling you, no one eats butter curls.

Decorative curly garnishes should be things that you would ever, possibly, remotely want to eat by themselves. Nobody but cats and toddlers eats butter by itself, and if you say you do, I'll sock ya.

I understand chocolate curls. I would eat those. I understand the little curly carrot shaving things. I would eat those too. But I would never, never, NEVER eat a curled piece of butter, and seeing it on top of something would make me want to never eat anything else again, either.

Putting it on food or something is bad enough, but to put it on a BOX....

I need to meet the people who are designing these packages. I have some things to say.

Butter. Is. Not. Decoration. Butter churns, fine. They're homey and Laura Ingalls used them. Legit. Cows, great. They're farmey. Laura Ingalls used them too. But actual butter, in shapes that no one in their right mind would ever consider consuming, is disgusting. Every time I see the box it makes me want to put it back and make something that doesn't use butter.

At a niggling suspicion, I googled "butter curls" and found that people do indeed eat these little monsters. Which I guess just confirms my fear that the world is full of hopeless, messed up people. People with really high cholesterol.

The mother says that the people who partnered with the people designing these things are going to see these blogs and say, "I TOLD HIM that was a bad idea!"

If that's you, please call me. Please? I want to dissect your brain.

One person can only handle so much - Part 1

2009-09-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

Virginia has a recipe book, which I foolishly recommended to her one fateful day while browsing the B&N sale page. I don't know why I did it. I know she loves to make desserts. I know these desserts are bad for us. I know she takes it over the top. And yet I said, "Hey, there's this dessert book on sale. Do you want me to order it?" And she said, "Sure!"

So I did. She makes something out of it about three times a week, and spends the rest of the week drooling over it.

I admit that someone else who happens to have red hair spends a lot of time drooling over a particular Black Forest Cake on p. 312 (mm, cherry brandy). But that's beside the point.

Really, I don't have a huge problem with the contents of the book. I mean, if Virginia wants to indulge her overpowering passion for sweets, I guess she can have at it. I just don't eat too much of it because I don't need that much sugar.

I do, however, have a problem with the cover.

This...

This is what offends my most delicate sensibilities. What IS this? Why is there a piece of cake on top of this piece of cake?

I read this book for weeks with a niggling feeling that something was terribly wrong. When I finally noticed what it was, I was horrified. I gaped in wonder. I asked myself why someone would think that was a good way to photograph food. I still ask myself that.

No one eats this way. This rankles. This rankles deeply.

For a while I thought I was the only one who felt this way, so I kept quiet (Uncharacteristic of me, you say. Yes, I know.). I kept quiet until one day... one day when I was at the end of my rope, when I was about to let forth all the strength of my indignation... when Virginia said, "You know, this picture drives me crazy. It's bugged me ever since I got it. WHY is there cake on the cake?!"

It was such a relief. We let forth our indignation together, and the strength of it was as of the ocean in its anger, if the ocean did get angry about things like cookbooks and bad photos.

Put a cherry on top, or something. Anything. Drizzle some chocolate syrup over it. Slice a strawberry and stick it up there. Anything but cake. Cake is not a garnish for cake. Cake is not a garnish for anything. The person is not right who thinks his cake is incomplete without more cake on top. And the person who photographs it for the cover of a book is even less okay.

I thought I would never see the thing that surpassed this monstrosity, but I was mistaken. Yes, as horrible and mind-blowing as cake-topped-cake as a cover for a cookbook, there is something even worse.

Readers, brace yourselves, for what comes next is so mind-blowing, so utterly disgusting, so blatantly against all that is good advertising, that you may not believe your eyes.

(To be continued...)

Quotables!

2009-09-11T11:11:00.001-07:00

Kyle: What if it was your destiny to flip burgers @ mcdonalds?
KB: I night die. Why do you ask?
Kyle: Cause i'm deep thinking today...y'know when ppl say profound things and go down in history. That's me.

VA: Last night my dreams were like cardboard.

Anna: HAVE FUN IN THE PIT OF DARKNESS!

Patience: Did you know... that your thithter doeth not live with you anymore? And I am your thithter?

Drew: How many questions do you ask?
Patience: Hundredth.

Patience: Athk me what I wath doing.
Drew: What were you doing?
Patience: I wath wearing thretchy pantth in my room.

Dan: O lifeguard! I can stand now! Perhaps I could help you?

Patience: *about William* He took hith shirt and pantth off, tho I got hith hat....
KB: So he wouldn't be naked?
Patience: Yeah.

Sarah: *as Genise and KB argue about something in the front seat* I should have ridden with Mom.

Comparing muscle definition at work:
Sarah: Look, I've got definition! I've got triceps! Sort of... see?!
Cam: *rubs his belly* Girls, I've got a whole dictionary right here. It's got all the definitions you could ever want!

Sarah: Guys, I saw a dead body yesterday.
JC: *horrified gasp* ALIVE???

After the swim lesson kids jump in the water:
Becca: How do y'all feel now?
Kid: Wefweshed!!

Anna: *looking at my book* Gaudy Night? So it's like, they're going into the night, and, hey look! A big truck is coming down the Givens' driveway!

Dan: Ha-ta-ta, my friend!

Chris: That was my angry walk, but you couldn't tell because I was in the water.

KB: *pulls VA's ponytail*
VA: You rang?

Driving by a field with field hands in it:
Anna: What?! I thought all the slaves were set free!

Eric: What?! You've never had a Beach Sheep?!

Patience: Did you know that Jeb putth hith tail up in the thummer and down in the winter?
VA: No, I never noticed that!
Patience: .................I wish I had a tail.

Robbie: I'm gonna take a shower tonight. It's gonna be So. Much. Fun.

Eric: I would like a houseduck.
KB: A houseduck? And where would you keep this duck?
Eric: *gives KB the eye*
KB: Yes, obviously in the house, but where specificially?
Eric: .......................................In the.... jungle.......

Anna: MOMMY!!! William's throwing DVDs at us!

Talking about [hypothetical] online dating:
Kyle: That works until you find out the girl you're talking to is actually a guy. Then it becomes awkward.

Kimberly: When I was younger I thought "ghost" was a really bad word... And I was THRILLED when we sang it in the Doxology.

Kid at the pool: Guess what we wewe doin' while evewyone else was swimmin'.
KB: What were you doing?
Kid: We wewe swimmin' in the play pawt. But then we had to come out and eat.
KB: What did you eat?
Kid: Oh, just all the snacks we bwought.
KB: Oh yeah? What snacks did you bring?
Kid: Oooohhhh, pwetzels, and cheese sticks, and an apple fow my bwothew Alex. *confidentially* He's on a little diet.

KB: Who's the one in the green swim suit?
Kid: Call it a bathing soup.

Kid: Dat's my bwothew Nicholas. He's biggew dan me even though he's fouw and I'm five. *thinks* And how old would you be............ wight now?
KB: *dies* I would be twenty-one right now.
Kid: *confidentially* My mom is in hew THIWTIES!

KB: And what's your name?
Kid: *happy/embarrassed squiggle* Zachawyyyyyyy.....................

Alec: Hey, Mrs. Groover, would it be ok if, after we finish shooting, I wash your dog?

She said this lisping, but it wouldn't get the whole point across:
Patience: Hi sin!
KB: What?!
Patience: *tone of great condemnation* A SIN!!!

After passing a squished frog on the driveway:
Anna: It seems like a lot more frogs are getting stupid.

KB: Joy said there was a tornado in her town and it ate Wal-Mart.
Mommy: It's the judgment of God.
KB: *bewildered pause* On WAL-MART?
Mommy: Yep.

Jesse: Come on, William! Let's sit here and... observe the ladies.

William: A-you a-leh me poke yeewww!

William: A-you a-give me my thword! Thwordie.

Patience: *comes up while I'm reading Physics* Here ith dirt, and water, and the thtraw. *hands me invisible items*
KB: *absentmindedly pretends to slurp it up* Oh, tasty. *goes back to reading*
Patience: *says something but isn't heard because I'm studying*
KB: *realizes she's talking* Sorry, what?
Patience: You were THUPPOTHED to make a BRICK. You ATE the BRICK.

Before a "show":
Patience: I want to announthe thomething!
Us: Yes?
Patience: There will be NO food or drinkth. Or hamburgerth.

Rebecca: Mommy, Anna called me stupid!
Mommy: Anna, you know better than that.
Anna: Well I wanted to throw something hard at her but I knew I wouldn't get away with it!

VA: Hey guess what. I did a chin-up! *as KB laughs* Well, sort of.

Patience: My omelet will be WONDERFUL!
Five minutes later:
Patience: *crying* BUT MOMMY! I CAN'T CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH TO CUT IT AND I DON'T WANT TO UTHE MY WHOLE THRENGTH TO CUT IT! I HAVE TO UTHE MY WHOLE THTRENGTH AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!

KB: Patience, you have no pants on.
Patience: I know.
KB: Why do you have no pants on?
Patience: Well, I had them on, but I took them off becauthe when I bent my knee I felt like I wath going to get a rash and it hurt really bad.

Anna: You know the best thing about people?
KB: What?
Anna: They can READ. And reading means whoa! A happy life!

Anna: *playing cards* Life cannot get better than this! Or CAN it?

KB: Are you going to look at any OTHER schools?
Jesse: I should... what would you recommend?
KB: I ALREADY recommended State. And State has a swing club!
Jesse: I'm sure Grove City has a bunch of swing clubs.
KB: YEAH, but if you went to State, you could take ME.
Jesse: That would take away all the appeal of going to State.

Kyle: but so what? I'm still a rockstar
KB: got your rock moves?
Kyle: yes, somewhere
Kyle: I thnk they're in my other jeans

Kyle: I knew someone who moved to wyoming
Kyle: so it exists I believe

Kyle: if you go to the beach of NC
Kyle: look out to sea (east ofc)
Kyle: you'll see bermuda
Kyle: weather permitting of course
KB: gotcha
KB: yes
KB: lol
Kyle: the weather has never permitted me to see if :-/

KB: Patience, STOP. That is not necessary.
Patience: YOU'RE not nethethary.
KB: Your face isn't necessary.
Patience: Your mom ithn't nethethary.

Kyle: Wanna fight?

Driving by a guy in a car:
VA: Is that guy smoking a cigar?
KB: Where?
VA: There... oh, he has his hand down now... we'll have to wait for him to hold it up again.
KB: Oh, I thought he was gonna just then....
VA: Yeah... close, but no cigar.

Anna: William, say, "The WICKED and the goooooooooooood!"
William: A weecked an' a dude!

William: *runs around in his diaper* Ah I indethent, wight?

In calculus class:
Josh: So why was that same kind of problem so much harder yesterday?
Mr. Turner: Well, that's mostly because I can't do arithmetic.

John: Is your life fulfilled?
KB: Is my life what?
John: Fulfilled.
KB: I..... don't even.... I.... I don't even know how to answer that. Is it fulfilled in WHAT? You didn't give it an object to fulfill.
John: ..............I'm going to take that as a yes. I'm going to take that as a yes so I don't have to question you anymore.
VA: *furrowing brows*
KB: YOU... look confused.
VA: ...........I think I am confused.
John: I think I am too.

Daddy: Hey. *smacks me with the fly-swatter*

Kyle: dude
Kyle: I was planning to go to the mall this weekend
Kyle: to get a hat
Kyle: because I am coveting a hat
KB: hahaha
Kyle: and I'm coveting the whole mall

Daddy: Do you think the Scott's Toilet Tissue overwrap would be good to wrap things in?
KB: Uh, no? What are you wrapping?
Daddy: Well I haven't YET....

Kyle: Speaking of tired
Kyle: that is a description of myself
Kyle: so I'm going to leave
Kyle: and take 45 winks
KB: alrighty
KB: dont' take 'em all, I need a few
Kyle: 5 more than the average person normally winks

KB: Children! Stop!
William: Cheewun! Top!

A Life Lesson

2009-08-25T10:03:00.001-07:00

I would like a dozen Candied Octopodes

2009-08-17T19:12:00.000-07:00

Lifeguarding's a funny thing. When it rains, we still have to sit out in our stands and watch the crazy people who swim in the cold and the wet. Unless of course it rains too hard, and then we close the pool. I never liked swimming in the rain because I got wet, but that could just be me. Apparently none of the swimmers share my opinion.

If it rains too hard for us to see the bottom of the pool, it's time to go. If it lightnings it's time to go. If it thunders it's time to go.

There's only so much we can do when it thunders. We can only clean so much stuff for so long. Today we were closed for two and a half hours. Everything was clean, all the extra guards were sent home, and everyone was tired of doing whatever they'd done for the first hour.

So Jack and I went to the Fun House and borrowed their Candy Land.

Man, I haven't played Candy Land in years. It's pretty hard to beat. You can't really go wrong with Candy Land. It's a pretty intense little kids game, what with the Gingerbread Man card and doubles and candy bridges and stuff like that. Riley beat both me and Jack soundly.

I remember playing Candy Land as a kid. I used to play it with Mommy pretty frequently, I think. Virginia threw away ours recently because it was coming apart and missing most of the pieces. We need to get a new one for the girls and William so they can have that essential piece of childhood too.

Today Marcus asked us how you play Candy Land. I said, "Have you never played Candy Land?!" and Jack said, "What kind of a child WERE you?"

***

Other news that must be shared: Hana and I learned (after having a conversation about octopi [wince] that I will not repeat) that the plural of "octopus" is not actually "octopi."

I wondered where the word "octopus" came from anyway, since I assumed the word didn't mean "eight cats," and Googled "etymology of octopus." I learned from the Online Etymology Dictionary, which is a very cool site that I never knew existed, that "octopus" is actually from Greek roots, not Latin, and that "pous" means "foot." Reading further informed me that, "Proper plural is octopodes, though octopuses probably works better in English. Octopi is from mistaken assumption that -us is the L. noun ending that takes -i in plural."

Octopodes? Really? I feel so freaking enlightened right now.

I told Devon the other day that we should have a Factual Aquatic Life Day sometime, in which we fill our eight-legged octopus (The other octopodes have unconventional numbers of pouses. Podes?) with ink. He said that I would want to fill an octopus with ink. Just wait until I tell him they're really octopodes.

Octopodes. Heh heh. What a cool word. Octopodes. Sheesh.

My podes are tired and spitting ink, so I'll see you cats later.

(Get it? See? Cats? Sea cats? Sea kittens? Oh, just go read the article. Ridiculous.)

Don't you just love it when you think I'm leaving and I give you something else to do?

Don't you just love it when I end my posts with open-ended questions?

The Oblivion of Parenthood - OR - What Daddy Did

2009-08-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

It was my 21st birthday. We were going bowling, because it is the height of legality and pure orneriness. Oh, and it's way more fun than drinking.

Hana had to be at work by some specific time, and it was late, so after making sure it was ok, the two of us hopped in her car to drive to the bowling alley. We hoped that the family would be there soon after us so we wouldn't have to wait too long.

Well we got there just fine, and had a great time goofing off in the car and talking about things like socks and coworkers, but there's only so long you can goof off in a hot car without wishing you could get out. It was pretty hot in the car, but it was even hotter outside the car, so there was no way we were gonna get out before the family got there.

So I called Daddy's cell phone to see how close they were.

"Ring ring," went the phone.

"Helloooo?" said Daddy.

I wondered why he sounded so tentative, but I let it go.

"Password greeting removed for security reasons," I said.

"Password response removed for security reasons," said Daddy.

(The only reason Hana can hear the password is because we're the same person. If she were to use the password, though, I would have something to say. We're only SORT of the same person.)

"Oh good, it is you," I said, reassured.

"Yeeessss......" said Daddy.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm... in the driver's seat..." said Daddy.

"I know that," I said, "But where are you? How far away are you?"

"Um, probably ten minutes... where are you?" said Daddy, sounding more confused by the second.

"Um, I'm with Hana... we're waiting for you... why?" Now I was getting confused.

"Oh!" said Daddy. "I thought you were with us!"

Hana and I died.

"All this time you thought we were with you?!" I said, as Hana and I shrieked with laughter.

"Yeah!" said Daddy. "I was wondering why it was so quiet. I thought you were hiding behind the seat or something. I've been looking in the mirror trying to see you."

Usually my family counts everyone before we leave. There are so many of us that we have to make sure we're not leaving anyone behind. I'm not sure what happened, but apparently nobody got counted that day, and Daddy left, thinking all the time that Hana and I were in the van, hiding behind the seats.

Maybe I should ask him how he thought we could FIT behind the seats.

I am 21 today

2009-07-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't buy cigarettes on my 18th birthday (or after that, actually), and I didn't buy alcohol today, because 1). I couldn't care less, and 2). The stuff makes my stomach feel like it's on fire.

I'm really more excited about being able to own my handgun in my own name. That's pretty sweet.

The scariest part about being 21 is that I can now be the adult in the car with Jesse and Virginia while they have their permits. I have no problem with Jesse. I'm not going with Virginia. She scares me.

But you don't have to worry about me being too responsible. Like I told Mrs. Halvorsen today when she said no hair-pulling was allowed between me and Hana, "There are some things you never grow out of!"

Apparently we did a lot of that when we were little. We don't remember. That probably shows the extent of the damage.

Coming up (so I don't forget): The Oblivion of Parenthood, OR, What Daddy Did

Hannah WOULD tag me for a photo thing

2009-07-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

And my sixth photo in my sixth folder WOULD be a non-photo. Here's the "photo":

And here's where it came from (it's worth it, trust me): All About Cats, from my old blog. And I tag... ohhhh... Hana, Juliet, and Joy.

The deal: Find your sixth image folder and post the sixth image from that folder. Ta-da. All done. May your photos be better than mine. ;-)

Every time I'm on my old blog I find stuff that I just have to revive. I've got two for you tonight: The Many Faces of Katie Beth, and SNACK TIME. I just keep myself amazed all the time. Good grief.

I'm going heavy on the colons tonight: I'm sorry.

Heh heh. I know that was punctually incorrect. Punctuationally. Punct'lly. You know, that stuff you put next to words.

To redeem myself in the eyes of my poor readers for all this nonsense, I'll leave you with a quote from my current reading material, Have His Carcase, by Dorothy Sayers (another colon coming up!):

"The best remedy for a bruised heart is not, as so many people seem to think, repose upon a manly bosom. Much more efficacious are honest work, physical activity, and the sudden acquisition of wealth. After being acquitted of murdering her lover, and, indeed, in consequence of that acquittal, Harriet Vane found all three specifics abundantly at her disposal; and although Lord Peter Wimsey, with a touching faith in tradition, persisted day in and day out in presenting the bosom for her approval, she showed no inclination to recline upon it."

I'm going to bed now, because it's absurdly late and I'm working absurdly long hours tomorrow. And also because Lord Peter is calling my name. I love Dorothy Sayers.

Geese go shoop

2009-06-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I like my job. I do. It's just that it tires me out, being responsible for people's lives all day and stuff like that, and around about 8:30 my brain shuts down and weird stuff starts coming out of my mouth.

I guess this happens at home too, but it's so normal here that I don't usually think about it. Would you think about it if you had a little sister that went around singing things like, "Give me sixteen days of happiness!" all the time? I didn't think so. Or, "Wouldn't it be weird if a cat turned itself inside out and you stuck your hand in its mouth and all you felt was fur?" I rest my case.

Anyway, my problem is that there's some kind of electrical short in my brain, and things just don't have as far to travel. They start in my brain, and instead of slowing down somewhere in between, they just go straight down and spurt right out of my mouth.

That's just how it works. 8:30 rolls around, *voop* goes the brain, and *shoop* come the words. It's worse when Sebastian's there (remember CokeToes?), because his brain does the same thing, except his words get all funky instead of coming out too fast. We're basically twins, by the way. You know, sometime SeaBass is going to find this blog and wonder why he's on it so much, and he'll think it's pretty weird, but it's really not. It's because we're twins, Sebastian! It's just a fact. I'm the older twin, by the way, so you have to do everything I say.

The other night SeaBass told me I was too home to go tired. Then he told me to stop laughing at him. Yeah right.

My point ("Ah, she has a point," you say) is that I did it again. I got tired, and weird, creepy stuff came out of my head (kind of like when I post late at night, which is always). The story, finally, is as follows:

Sebastian really wanted to get my shoes wet. I don't know why; he just thought it would be a good thing.

"Katie Beth, may I get your shoes wet?" asked Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Pleeeaaase may I get your shoes wet?" pleaded Sebastian.
"No, Sebastian," said Katie Beth.
"Why not?" asked Sebastian.
"Because I don't want them wet!" said Katie Beth
"But whyyyy?" said Sebastian.
"Because they're leather, and when they get wet they stain my feet!" said Katie Beth.
"Ha ha, and then you have orange stains on your feet," said Sebastian, giggling.
"Yes, exactly," said Katie Beth. "And while I realize that may be the closest to a tan that I'll ever get," said Katie Beth, "I don't want little flip-flop shaped tans on my feet."

And then I just kept going (Don't ask about the first/third person switches. It's how I roll.).

"They're shaped like little V's," continued Katie Beth. "Like little... migrating geese. And every time I take a step, the geese migrate a little further."

And Sebastian and I had our own little gigglefit on the pool deck.

Now I ask you, should it not have occurred to me somewhere in between the "flip-flop shaped tans" and the "migrating geese" to maybe stop talking? I mean, wouldn't a normal person maybe, possibly think, "Hey, I'd better shut up before I say something really stupid"? I'm not trying to say that having little flocks of migrating geese on my feet isn't awesome. It's just weird.

I think the Pioneer Woman has the same problem, judging by a recent post that I found, ironically, while thinking about the post I'm writing right now:

But I should warn you: Tracy Porter stuff is dangerous. I don’t even really let myself look because about a year ago I pricked both my index fingers and became blood sisters with myself. Then we promised each other we wouldn’t buy another piece of dinnerware until our youngest went to college.

So I don't feel so bad, really. I mean, I didn't feel bad... I amuse myself to no end. I just kinda figured I was too weird to even worry about. But it's ok now. I don't mind. It's not like I can stop it anyway.

I wonder what it would be like if I didn't always post late at night, when I'm more than usually exhausted? I suppose the world will never know.

Quotables!

2009-06-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Juliet has left to go to the Odells', which means that we have a whole load of quotables from her visit, plus the ones that I'd been saving up before. Enjoy!

***

VA: I wish I had a boyfriend so he could carry my stuff at the mall.

VA: You may think of anything I say as a whiteboard. Erase at will. PLEASE erase at will.

Patience: I... am going to the moon. And we all know how the moon ith.
VA: And how is the moon?
Patience: Good.

Robbie: Man, I wish we communicated in math problems. I would be so good at spelling.

Jill: I would really like that if it weren't small and ugly.

VA: Get some manpants!

VA: I like it when people spell "humor" with a u.

KB: Your pants match Natalie's.
Rebecca: Natalie had pants on?

Evan: Why are you wearing Underarmor?
Drew: Because it makes my muscles look big.
Evan: Not because you're cold?
Drew: Nope.
Evan: Nice.

Drew: He must be an acquired taste, cuz he's really hott when he's drinking water.

VA: Not only did the heathen smoke, he had a child. That's what happens when you smoke.

VA: Apparently when you become a mother you immediately learn to knit.
KB: I already know how to knit.
VA: Where's the child?!

KB: Did you kill anyone today?
VA: No one important.

KB: *after dinner* I still don't feel really... fulfilled.
VA: Ha ha! Fulfilled? Get it? Filled?
KB: Uh... yeah... filled.
VA: Wait. Forget everything I said. You know what I meant to say. I was going to tell you some interesting fact about... something smart.

Awesome commercial: Vitamin Water. Because it's much less embarrassing to shop at Big and Tall when you're just... tall.

Kyle: I am sad.
KB: My apologies.
Kyle: Mk.
KB: Yw.

Daddy: What?! Texting in the laundry room?! That's worse than changing in the laundry room!

Mommy: Ok William, let's go to bed.
William: *sits there with his truck*
Mommy: Come on William, it's time for your nap.
William: *still sits with his truck*
Anna: Oh, let me say goodnight to him, Mommy!
William: A no anight! *he and his truck speed down the hall*

Rebecca: OW!
KB: What did you do?!
Rebecca: She hit me.
KB: Virginia!
VA: I just miss those old days of... hitting you with my head.
KB: Injun!
VA: I was just reminiscing.

Patience: Would you rather have a tea party or be in a war?

Genise: You're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The Aquatics Version!

KB: Heavens! A mongrel horde of chickens!

Daddy: I can't take you seriously in those purple shorts.

VA on the phone, while out shopping with Mommy: Hi, um... neither of us could figure out the texting thing... so I'm leaving you a message.

Maggie: *looking at a doll* And you can even tell he's a homeschooler!
KB: Um, what?
Maggie: Cuz he has a belt on and his shirt is tucked in. He even has shoes on!
KB: ...
Maggie: *thinks* Wait. Never mind about the shoes.

Derrick: my best pro is crastination, my worst con is centration

Completely out of the blue:
Derrick: you should write in your status "I'M MARRIED!!!!!"
Derrick: ..........just as soon as I die"
KB: .......but I'm not............
KB: lol!
Derrick: ......or the groom arrives!"

Kyle: it may have something to do with my bed being so small
Kyle: it's too small for me
KB: lol, that's pretty sad
Kyle: yeah
Kyle: it's a twin
Kyle: I'm not a twin
KB: neither am I a twin but mine fits me ;-P
KB: well, basically
KB: my toes do protrude occasionally
Kyle: lies, you are a twin
Kyle: if your toes protrude
Kyle: what do yo think MY toes do
Kyle: they're like OMG LOL HELLO
KB: fall off
Kyle: waving to passer bys
Kyle: ya
KB: rofl
Kyle: they're lik omg hellooesssss
Kyle: and I can't do anything about it
Kyle: and my blankets are too small
Kyle: in winter
Kyle: I cry
Kyle: in a silent way

Harry: What's the key to?
KB: ...My soul.
Harry: Whoo! We better take that thing off and bury it a hundred feet underground!

About a random kid in the pool:
SeaBass: Why?! Why do you have that?!

Talking about search patterns in the lifeguard class:
Rose: The grid pattern is for when you have an irregular bottom.
Chich: Hee hee!

KB: *pushing William on the swing* William, are you having fun? Is that exciting?
William: Uh huh. Hoo hoo!

Dan: Oh no! I am stricken with a fit of drowning!

KB: *comes back outside with her coat on*
SeaBass: Oh, that is so cheating.
KB: Sebastian. It's very cold.
SeaBass: But Katie Beth, it's cheating!
KB: Sebastian, it's cold!
SeaBass: Do you have another one?

VA: In my dream last night my alarm clock was named Regret.

Drew: *watching a movie* Rough addiction? Does that say rough addiction?! Why's it rated PG for rough addiction?! That's so stupid! I've never even heard of rough addiction! What iS rough addiction?!
KB: That says rough action.
Drew: Oh.

Val: If you woke up on fire, assuming you had gone to bed not on fire, would you be more surprised that you were on fire, or in pain?

Val: You know, if we had enough caulk, we could probably put this building out to sea.

Driving by a pond:
Patience: Ith that the thea?

Kyle: Would you like a sitting utensil?

Kimberly: Do y'all have music tomorrow?
Julia: Yes.
Kimberly: Ha, ha, ha! A likely story.

Talking about how the Amish have beards down to their ankles:
Kyle: It's in case they have to change.

William: *walks in and goes right up to the poster of the Ten Commandments* *stares at the picture of "Thou Shalt Not Covet"* A dah a tuck. A dah a tuck!
KB: Yeah, a car and a truck!
William: I want dat.

Anna: I should become a scientist who discovers everything!

Maggie: *sees the neighbors having a bonfire* We should go invite us over.

KB: Be careful with that. It's the key to my soul.
Mr. Will: Where's the trash can?

Patience: I wish I had a thell phone tho I could tektht Mommy.
William: Ah tektht Mommy too!

An entire conversation:

Derrick: Everything you believed is a truth

Katie: what are we talking about?

Derrick: stumped

Katie: lol

Derrick: night

Katie: lol! goodnight :-P

Patience: If Makth eatth William'th life then Athe will thave William'th life.

Anna: I'm not showing off! I'm evil ALL the time!
Mommy: Can't argue with that!

Patience: *about me* Her name ith Mushroomth.
Juliet: Oh! Why?
Patience: Becauthe I don't like mushroomth.

KB: Anna, go outside!
Anna: Why?
KB: Cuz it feels awesome outside!
Anna: But I am awesome INSIDE.

Rebecca: I think my nose has gotten stronger from playing this song.

Maggie: Can I play with your mouth?
KB: You need to rephrase that.

KB: Heartheartheart!
Juliet: *typing* Heartheart... ahh, no! I can't believe I almost typed that!! Stop!

Clayton: but if you can make me fly for free, and it's in about a month and a half or two months, I'd love to.
Juliet/KB: I'll have to adopt you
Clayton: hmm...
akward, but plausible

Clayton: Well, my useless turkeys...

Clayton: "This incredible shameless attempt to get into KB's quotables has been brought to you by Clayton Sandham"

Clayton: Okay I don't comment on KB's blog...
I do on Juliet's, as long as they aren't tremendously touching and I don't know what to say...

Juliet/KB: But our minds are rather out of it right now ;)
We merged into one to make it more coherent.
Clayton: quite obviously.
and now I'm going insane... Thanks, Girls.

Right after we tell Clayton our minds have merged:
Juliet, on KB's lappy: Anytime, anytime.
At the same time:
KB: Anytime, anytime.
Us: WOAH. THAT IS SO WEIRD.

KB: The lightning bugs are out!
Juliet: Where?
KB: Over there. See the lights?
Juliet: Those weren't helicopters?

Shannon: In TWO DAYS YOU'LL BE IN MY ROOM
Juliet/KB: I KNOW!!
Shannon: AND WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND TALK
And laugh
AND WAKE UP AND YOU'LL BE THERE TOO
Juliet/KB: dyyying KB: In her room? That sounds so awful.
Shannon: (It sounds like we're getting married)
DIES
Good grief
EVERYONE KNOEW WHAT I MEANT
Juliet/KB: LOL!
Still.
We're laughing o'er here.
Shannon: LOL
Fail

Juliet/KB: We're useless turkeys
Shannon: I <3 turkeys
So glad one is coming to visit me soon
Juliet/KB: LOL!
Shannon: (What the heck?)
:D
As I spew ridiculousness

Shannon: http://cdn2.tomsshoes.com/ProductImages/194-1007B08-BLPL-S.jpgAre those ugly?
http://cdn2.tomsshoes.com/ProductImages/194-1007B08-BLPL-H.jpg
Juliet/KB: Waaaaiiiting for the browser
KB: I would not wear those...
Shannon: No DUH
;-)
Juliet/KB: In accord with her.
They look like... dutch slippers.
(KB)
Shannon: LOL
Thank you
dying
All my friends think they're ugly
My family, too
Juliet: I'm glad we provide ample entertainment
Does that mean you're buying them?
Just to spite all.
Shannon: AND GUESS WHAT THEY'RE COMING TO ME IN THE MAIL SOMETIME VERY SOON
Juliet/KB: DEAD
We love you.
Shannon: :D
It wasn't out of spite, really
Juliet/KB: You amaze us.
Shannon: Although, that's certainly a sweet after taste

Phoebe: Dangit is a bad wowd and so is stupid.

William: Don't touch my fabs!
Hana: *pokes him in the side*
William: They're nice fabs.

Hana: Quick, Grace, what's Micah 6:8?
Perfectly silent moment as Grace tries to remember
Grace: He has shown you O man what is good, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk mer--muh--
Hana: Humbly.
Grace: With thy God.
KB: I liked that moment of silence there. I was thinking, "That's probably the quietest this house has ever been!"
Grace: I was thinking, "I'd better speak faster before Katie Beth says something!"

Juliet: Katie Beth, I was sleeping underneath your bed because I love you.

Juliet is here!

2009-06-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

I picked Juliet up from the airport this morning. I get her for almost a week, and it is SO good to see her. I've missed her terribly since I last saw her two years ago. We've got a lot of things planned for this week, including swimming (probably), seeing some old friends, watching Nacho Libre, and hanging out with the family.

And we're doing something tonight... what is it... I can't seem to remember....

Oh right! We're going to see No Doubt and Paramore! Oh yeeeaaaaah, Mr. Kool-Aid Man, oh yeeeaaaah. (I would link to that too, but Dane Cook's mouth ain't real clean. Still, I can't help adding "Mr. Kool-Aid Man" every time I say "oh yeah.") We've got lawn seats, so I'm bringing binoculars, but it should still be pretty awesome. Our crowd is me, Juliet, and Virginia, and word on the street is that Kelly and Candace have lawn seats too. Hopefully we'll get a lot of sweet pictures out of this concert. ;-)

Actually, we'll probably get some pretty sweet pictures from this visit in general. William is in love with Juliet, which always makes for a cuteness overload.

One more thing: Quotables coming soon!

Memorial Day and Elsie Dinsmore

2009-05-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to some other church's Memorial Day picnic, went strawberry picking, and went over to the Wills' house for a Memorial Day cookout with the Cool Group. Virginia tagged along somehow, but she played with the other midgets. Ok, just kidding. I knew she was in the car.

The strawberries are most excellent, by the way. I continue to eat them. You should come help, cuz we have about a million tons of the things.

Oh, and it's been raining almost constantly for two days straight.

Kyle grilled some super yummy hamburgers that did not need extra onions, no matter what Kelly says. It was funny watching him grill under an umbrella. Um, we didn't eat outside. It wasn't for lack of trying.

Kimberly and Kyle and Kerr and I tried to go muddin' in my Explorer but the place was permanently closed. Seriously? Who does that?

At one point Kyle said he wished he had a sitting utensil, presumably instead of the window sill he was perching on, and he asked me if I would like I sitting utensil, presumably instead of the tile floor I was perching on.

Verbally, I wondered at his language. Mentally, I oggled. Because I recently called a towel a "drying utensil."

There are times when I wonder if Kyle and I are actually the same person and we got into two different bodies by mistake. I mentioned this to the mother and she said I shouldn't think about that too much, as it was very weird.

I told Hana about that and she said people tell her that a lot, which obviously proves that Hana and I really are the same person. We've known that for years, though. I told her that even though we were the same person, we have two different wallets, which is very convenient.

She thought that was weird.

What did you do for Memorial Day?

In other news, Kimberly and I are Goin' Huntin' In the Pink Woods* tomorrow, and Kerr is going with us. Heh. Heh. Heh. Won't this be FUN.

*At Kohl's:
"Look at THESE! Who needs pink camouflage shorts?!"
"It's for when you're goin' huntin' in the pink woods!"
We start to talk about how we should go to the other mall and get cheap clothes.
Later on Facebook:
"Hey! When are we goin' huntin' in the pink woods?"

Oh, and Rebecca is reading the Elsie Dinsmore series, which she borrows one book at a time from Jeanna, the youngest Will midget. It's bringing back bad/hilarious memories.
Kerr: *gets in my car* EW! Katie Beth, what is THIS doing in your car???

If you never read those, you didn't miss much. Kimberly and I read all 28 of the pink things (or did we stop at 24? Not like four books is a huge difference; they all say the same thing), plus a few of the yellow books about one of Elsie's sort-of cousins whose name I've forgotten. We were so emotionally scarred that we created a magazine expressely dedicated to Elsie Dinsmore spoofs. They were genius.

You can find some of the stories here, on my old blog. I posted them for my readers' entertainment. You may have to dig. Or, if there is enough popular demand, I can post some here.

Or you could come over to my house and read the entire huge binder I have of them. Brilliance. Trust me.

It is time for me to go to bed. I have to get up early to go a-Huntin' (in the Pink Woods, in my pink camo shorts that neither Kimberly nor I condescended to buy), and I slept in this morning because I forgot I was working at nine. I barely got to work on time. All that to say, goodnight. I hope your dreams are sweet and Elsie-free. Trust me, they can only be one or the other. Not both.

EDIT: O. Henry wrote an Elsie spoof?! I knew I loved him.

Well (and more fish)

2009-05-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Many things have happened since I posted last.

I studied a lot.

I finished school. All A's again this semester, which won't make up for the two uncharacteristic B's that wrecked my perfect GPA last semester.

Came to the realization that I am, once again, a college sophomore. Am I ever getting out of here?

I got sick.

I got very sunburned.

I went in the outdoor pool, which was like ice (that's where I got sunburned).

I recertified at work.

A lady used the word "behoove" at a show last night.

In case you're wondering, I'm still sick and sunburned. I've been sick for a week and it won't go away. I skipped church this morning. I never skip church.

Oh. I also started taking fish oil.

Let me tell you about the fish oil. You already read this post, so you know that I'm sort of suspicious when it comes to fish. I'm suspish of fish. Fish suspish.

Uhh, yeah, anyway, my art teacher told me that if I took fish oil it might help the months-old rashes I've got on my elbows. I mentioned this to my mom in passing, and she shocked me by unveiling a jug of fish oil pills she had hidden away somewhere. I couldn't get out of it then, so I had to take the stuff.

Without delving too deeply into how my art teacher was right, that stuff is weird. If you smell the inside of the bottle you smell... fish. And as you may remember from the tuna post, I felt like I was eating an entire tuna when I had the albacore stuff. Well, with this stuff, I feel like I'm imbibing an entire fishing boat. Although I doubt fishing boats go down quite so quickly.

I've never eaten a real fishing boat. This is all just conjecture.

But they're big, man. I don't know how many fish they had to squeeze to get all that oil out, but I would not want to be the undertaker in charge of that job. Even if I liked fish. Even if I absolutely loved and adored fish, dead or alive, I would not want to be the undertaker heading up the burial of those sacrificed fish bodies.

The rash is better though. So that's cool.

Sorry....

2009-04-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let all you poor neglected people know that I am still alive.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Really? I said that?

2009-04-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

Sebastian stayed for Sarah last night, so we closed together. There were two people in the pool. Sometimes our water is a little happy and it fizzes if the wake is sloshy enough.

Sebastian: The water's fizzing! Do you see that?!
Me: He has Coke on his toes.

Sometimes I amaze myself.

Quotables!

2009-04-05T13:48:00.000-07:00

I think I've made you wait long enough. ;-)

***

VA: Um. Casey Currin had on my pants.

Drew: I'll come and throw pineapple at you!
KB: Pineapple?!
Drew: Yeah, I dunno. It was the first thing I thought of!

KB: The Givens have a chow.
Maggie: Is that half chicken and half cow?

KB: Why are you kicking me with your disgusting shoe?
Genise: I'm not kicking you. I'm stepping on you.
KB: Oh. Well in that case, it's FINE.
Genise: See? It all depends on your perspective.

Kyle: I cooked philistine cheesteaks for luncheon
Kyle: and then for dinner
Kyle: daddy picked up wings instead of drumsticks
Kyle: so I made some wings
Kyle: and fried some asparagus (fresh) with butter and salt and lolmonds

Patience: Whoa, you brush your hair really often. Know how I can tell?
VA: How?
Patience: Cuth it'th really eathy to brush and you're not crying.

Nala: your aluminum knuckles foiled me

KB: Hey, is that parking space handicapped? I can't see it.
Drew: No, but if it were you could still park there! Ha ha ha ha!
KB: Yeah, cuz YOU'RE in the car!

KB: Rocks ahead, captain!
Drew: Actually they were icebergs. Technically it was a TARDIS.
KB: YOU'Re a tardis. You're a REtardis.
Drew: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Rose: Your FACE doesn't have internet!
KB: But your face DOES have internet, so how about you look it up?

Rose: Hole-in-one! I get a DumDum!
KB: What's a DumDum?
Genise: *points at Drew* Dum. *points at KB* Dum.
Note: It's a lollipop.

Rose: Yay! Another DumDum!
Genise: *points at Drew* One. *points at KB* Two.

Genise: Aww, you're so positive about people.

Chris: Every time you're here I do a lame workout.
KB: It's because you want to stay here and talk to me, that's why.
Chris: I know! You just have this aura around you that says, "Laziness!"

KB: Robbie, what were you going to say earlier before I interrupted you?
Robbie: My mind... is a long and winding road. It takes many twists and turns. ...I forgot.

VA: It smells like moonshine in here.

Nala: sooo

OMG

Katie: LOL

Nala: have you, like, seen, like, the new Jonas Brothers Movie? OH-EM-GEE!!!

After showing Shannon the above:

Shannon O: HAHAHAHAA

WHICH ONE?!

Katie: ;-D

apparently there is one

she was kidding ;-)

Shannon O: OH

Hahaha

I was about to go watch it ;-)

Patience: What'th that?
KB: It's a graphics tablet!
Patience: What'th a gravel thtatter?

Patience: I'm going to marry Michah!
VA: Ok, but make sure he's a hard-working man!
Patience: I'm pretty sure he'th a hard-working man, becauthe he hath a truck thippy cup.

VA: Hey, have you seen that lady?
KB: Uhhhh... that lady?
VA: Yeah! You know!
KB: Uh, no, I have absolutely no idea who you're talking about.
VA: You knooooooooow? The one who BIRTHED us?

Shannon O: See, knowledge comes naturally if you just wait long enough!

;-)

Barack Obama must still be waiting

VA: Home is where the internal organs are.

Kyle: hello
KB: oh hi, way to come around when I'm heading off to bed ;-P
Kyle: my bad
Kyle: I should check your schedule before IMing you

Genise: His pants are awkward.

Anna: We are playing Ghost in the Barnyard!
William: Whooo! Whooo!

KB's status message: I am so sunburned. It's not funny.

Virginia: I think it's funny

Katie: your face is funny

Virginia: ur mom AND ur mom's face iz funny

Katie: ur grandma's face is fun-e

Virginia: let's not take this too far...

Katie: too late

Virginia: lawl

Katie: ur face sez lawl

Virginia: ur banjo pikker lawls

Katie: ur gittar lawls

Virginia: ur fiddle jist wines

Katie: u wish u culd drnk wine

Virginia: I have more than u can cownt

Katie: gnrlly 1 dos nt cnt wine

Virginia: and gnrly u can't cownt numbrs eeether

Katie: I cnt #s

Virginia: u cant evin spel

berb

Katie: ur rite thr

ur not brbng

i kan 2 spl

Virginia: Im only har in booty

i meen body

Anna, after meeting a ferret: I like that little piggy thing!

VA: Wouldn't it be weird if a cat turned itself inside out, and then you stuck your hand in its mouth and all you felt was fur?

VA: Why are there so many smart people in the Chemistry class?! There are only like three stupid people. [This person], [this person], [this person], and me.

Grace: Are you wearing your pants that--
KB: I'm wearin' my pants.
Jesse: I got my pants on. Just for the record.
After everyone can breathe again:
Hana: I don't think Grace expected that. I don't think Katie Beth expected that!

VA: Will you bring me a Clearasil pad?
KB: No! I will not bring you a Clearasil pad in bed!
VA: Why not?
KB: Because it's WRONG!
VA: *scratchy voice* No. What's wrong is a wireless company that charges hidden fees.

Patience: You're wearing THOTHE pantth to art clathth?! They're the motht hideouth pantth I've ever theen!
Anna: *quiet for a minute after Patience leaves* I hate these pants. They look silly.

Anna: What is breath cancer?
Jesse, as KB dies: I don't know. I've never heard of that kind of cancer.

Rebecca: Pretend I'm the piano player.
Patience: But you're a boy.

KB: *pokes lone shoe with foot* Do we know this shoe?
Stephen: Oh. That goes with my other leg.
KB: The one you didn't bring?
Stephen: It's detachable.

KB: *supposedly rotates SeaBass two minutes late*
Sebastian: You owe me two minutes, Katie Beth!
KB: Um, I'm sorry.
Sebastian: Two minutes!!
KB: I'm sorry! What are you gonna do about it?
Sebastian: *thinks hard* I'm going to have a party. And I'm not going to invite you!

Shannon Y: I am something else.

PowerPoint: Remember, it takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 to smile!
Stephen: I'm strong.

Jordan: That's because you have more testosterone than most males. Deny it. Deny it!
KB: Uuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....................
Jordan: You can't deny it!
KB: .........I went shopping yesterday!
Jordan: ...............So did I.
KB and Jordan: *uncomfortable silence*

Patience: Thith... ith the thong of death.
KB: The song of death?
Jesse: Sock. The sock of death.
KB: The sock of death??

Chich: My man-crush would be myself.

This family has problems

2009-04-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

Communication is a sticking point around here. Instead of telling each other stuff we prefer to think that because we know it, everyone else must have read our minds and therefore knows it too. It causes some arguments. However, I am happy to inform you that not only am I not the only one in the family with communication issues (contrary to what you might think if you listened to some of the one-sided stories around here), it's not just our family who likes to keep to themselves.

So that you know who I'm talking about, our cast of characters is as following:

Me: Your friendly redheaded lifeguardblogger. And don't even tell me that's not a word.
Aly: A friend of mine that I knew before lifeguarding. She is now a lifeguard as well and we work together every Monday.
Aaron: Aly's boyfriend, who is in my math class. He realized who I was at almost the exact same minute I realized who he was. We know it was at the same time because we both told Aly on Facebook.
Blair: The girl who used to sit next to me in class but now makes the pilgrimage to the other side to sit with whatshername.
Sur: The Burmese girl who sits somewhere in between me and Aaron.
Virginia: My sister. She's silly.
Jesse: My brother. He plays banjo.
Tyler: A friend of VA and my other brother, Jesse. He lives in Tennessee and we see him once a year at RenoFest. They email.

So that's who we're dealing with. Now as you may or may not know (I use that phrase a lot. Y'all have very ambiguous knowledge.), my family went to RenoFest for the weekend. We left early Friday morning, so I skipped school. Being an overachiever, I was naturally worried about who I was going to get notes from when I got home.

Since Blair no longer sits by me, I wasn't about to yell across the room to ask her for notes. It just wouldn't do. I couldn't ask some other people (nameless) because they don't know what they're doing and their notes would be of questionable validity. I couldn't ask some other people (nameless) because they think they know everything and probably write specific problems rather than actual notes.

So I elected to ask Aaron for notes. The kid is apparently a genius and got a higher grade than me on the last test. I figured he was a safe bet. He obviously knows what he's doing.

The problems with this scheme are 1). I pretty much don't say anything in class, 2). Aaron pretty much doesn't say anything in class, 3). We've definitely don't say things to each other in class, 4). We haven't even talked any other time, and 5). He sits about six seats away from me, which is obviously much too far to yell.

But I really needed notes.

Please note that while Aaron and I have never actually spoken face-to-face, we have a lot of three-way conversations through Aly. She tells me his grades and we talk about the test. I assume she tells him my grades and they talk about the test. You get the idea. We don't actually talk to each other, but we know what's happenin'.

I finally texted Aly when I got to class on Wednesday morning. "Do you know if Aaron will be in class on Friday?" I asked. Aaron wasn't there yet so naturally I couldn't ask him. It was a great excuse. Aly didn't text me back and I was left biting my fingernails (not really). She told me later that she tried but her phone was wicked. My words, not hers. Aly's very sweet and non-antagonistic. Usually.

When Aaron walked into class I didn't need to ask him, because I had just texted Aly. Right? Right.

Are you getting the extent of our communication issues here? Just wait. It gets better.

Finally I sent Aaron a Facebook message asking if I could borrow his notes when I got back. I even friended him, to show that I was really sincere. Or something like that, anyway. He didn't reply, but I figured that got the message across so I didn't worry about it.

Right about now you should be getting an inkling that I am not the only uncommunicative person in this little non-exchange.

We had a fun weekend and returned safe and sound. I honestly forgot that I even needed notes until right before I got to school, but I wasn't worried. When Aaron walked in, I thought, "Eeeehhhhh, um, I'll ask him after class. Cough."

Imagine my surprise and delight--and inner giggles--when Sur leaned over to me in the first few minutes of class and handed me a piece of paper.

"What's this?" I whispered.
"It's from him," she whispered back.

I peeked past her, and there was Aaron writing in his notebook like he hadn't moved at all. I had gotten my notes and not a word did we say.

"Oh! Thanks!" I said to Sur.

Later I got the nerve up to say, "Hey Aaron, I'll copy these tonight and bring 'em back tomorrow, is that ok?" To which Aaron replied, "Yeah, sure." He probably thought I sounded very angry and intense, but I was just in a hurry and intense. Really. Oh, and completely unused to actually speaking to people at school. Creepy.

When I gave his notes back, I even said, "Here's your notes Aaron, thanks," and he even said, "Oh, thanks."

I was going to tell him that Aly told me we should be friends, but I think five words were quite enough for one day.

I think our relationship is looking very steeply uphill. Oh yes.

In other words, we'll probably never say anything to each other again, at least at school. We're so weird. I know. You don't have to tell me.

You think I'm finished but I'm not. Cuz I'm not the only one with this little problem.

My sister Virginia also has this problem.

To understand this, you have to realize that she and Jesse have been emailing back and forth with Tyler for a year now, ever since last RenoFest. I get the impression that Virginia is quite vocal and even leaves Tyler at a loss for words sometimes, since apparently he'll wait for a very long time to reply to some particularly unusual thing she's said. My sister has a way with words.

She said about five of those words to Tyler at RenoFest. Apparently she said "hi" to him once, and then as we were leaving, literally driving away, she ran up with Jesse to get his banjo, but instead of going with Jesse, she talked to Tyler. She told me later that she said, "Uh, we're leaving. Sorry all I said was, 'Where's Jesse.'" And then she gave him a hug and left.

Can you say awkward?

The problem is not that we're shy. We're not. We just don't have anything to say. We weren't raised to speak constant nonsense to fill the space. That's an acquired skill, and we've definitely acquired it, but only at home and with close friends. If we have nothing to say, we're fine with not trying to say anything.

Unless we're typing. Then we talk way too much. You can tell, can't you?

I knew it.

Stuff White People Like

2009-03-19T19:29:00.001-07:00

It's been too long, and I'm terribly sorry. But that doesn't mean you get a real post. There's one in my head, I promise, but I'm very tired right now after having just finished a web assignment (which was fun, even though I waited until this afternoon to start the thing). So you get a fake post.

Sorry. F'sho, yo.

Anyway, I came across this site today while reading SuperUseless (yet another site you should frequent), and after reading a post or two I was hooked. It's called Stuff White People Like, and before you ask, yes, it is written by a white guy. It's right up my alley, so it must be right up yours too or you wouldn't read this blog (you DO read this blog, right?). Somehow the logic all works in my head. Don't ask.

Oh, fine. One more. Looking For Group. I dare you to start at the beginning and not be addicted in approximately four seconds.

Now while all y'all are wildly staring your beady little orbs out at those sites, I'll be sneaking off to the shower and my bed. And the fridge. Can't forget the fridge.

If you neglect my site for those, there will be consequences. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A great milestone has been reached

2009-03-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

I reach the same milestone every year, but it's always just as sudden every year.

Basically, I stood outside during Sunday School today, in one position in the 75 degree weather (or whatever it was), and when I came in, I was... oh yeah, pink. Like super pink. But only on one side! So like a genius I sat outside for lunch at the Reeder's, with the sun on the SAME side, and now I'm pinker. So like a dweeb, when I realized how pink I was, I turned around. So now I'm burnt on both sides. My face looks like a joker face and yes, people have been laughing.

So that's the milestone. First sunburn of the year. Nice to know it's over with and I can start wearing sunscreen.

By the way, you may notice that my last post was about snow and this post is about 75 degree weather. That's North Carolina for you. Truly. Going from unseasonably cold to warm in less than a week is pretty normal here.

And that's about all I have to say... I have to go, because my shoulders hurt.

P.S. I'm going to have the goofiest burn line when I'm in my guard suit tomorrow. I can't decide if it would better or worse if I'd been wearing a shirt with sleeves instead of a tank top.

I gots me a fan club!

2009-03-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

Or SOMETHING.

***

Transcript of chat between Hannah and Shannon, emailed to me and Shannon by Hannah:

Hannah: so I was thinking...

Shannon: haha

Hannah: scheming B-)

Shannon: :-D

I'm all for scheming

Hannah: we should have a convo about KB's quotables

and send it to her :P

lol!

Shannon: HAHAHA

Yessssssss

Hannah: HAHAHAHAH

B-)

ahem

Shannon: cough

Hannah: (what does one say?)

Shannon: one says "I'M AWESOME!"

Hannah: I mean KB's just too amazing!?

lol

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shannon: "YOU'RE AWESOME!"

Hannah: I love you.

"We Rock."

Shannon: "WE ARE AWESOME!"

Hannah: "This world."

Shannon: :-D

Hannah: "AND we know it."

Shannon: "Apart."

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

Hans, dear..

*cough* I totally didn't realize you said we should have the conversation right away and that THAT was the conversation. ;-) I thought we'd have it later since you were going away. :-D Blonde moment. I say we re-do. I don't mind proclaiming my awesomeness all over again, seeing as how I am always the star of those quotables, even when I'm not in them.

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

LOL - oopsies. :P I think it's funny that we send KB our blonde moments. teehee! So cute you are. But KB, in favor of Shannon being pleased I request that you smile at our silliness and delete this. *curtsies*

Email from me to Hannah and Shannon:

LOL. But, but but... I was gonna put it on the blog!

I heart you both. ;-D *hugs*

Chat between Shannon and I:

Shannon: You were NOT going to put it on the blog!!

me: I WAS!

Shannon: Haha

Wooooo

*wow

Go ahead if you want, but seriously..

me: ;-D

Shannon: She says "I have to run in a minute"

me: no, if y'all don't want me to I won't

LOL

Shannon: And then "We should have a conversation about KB's quotables!!"

And I thought she meant LATER, like sometime when we actually have time to look at them/make fun of them. ;-)

No, I don't care, really -- you can if you'd like.

I don't mind being famous.

me: LOL

better wait for Hannah's ok first ;-)

Shannon: I'm sure you'll get one. ;-)

It was me that was the fool.

me: rofl

Shannon: feels like a little kid

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

Aw, shucks, KB YOU are the one that rocks this world APART, girl! :D *hugs back*

Email from me to Hannah and Shannon:

Can I still put it on the blog? :-D (Might be in a day or two... I gotta write up a post on gang bosses. Stay tuned.)

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

lol, of course.

Email from Shannon to Hannah and me:

hans said that was fine too; she said that this afternoon.

Email from Hannah to Shannon and me:

sure thing :D

***

All that to say, wow, my friends are hilarious.

In other news, we woke up with snow again this morning, on March 2nd. I don't think I ever remember having snow in March, much less enough to play in. I got out of both school and work, and we built, um, something that was taller than me. If I knew exactly what it was I would tell you. The original idea was to build a huge snowman, but Jesse and Anna and I were all rolling snowballs at the same pace, and they were all huge and no one was stopping, so we wouldn't have been able to lift them anyway. Then I was going to make my snowball bigger than me, but I couldn't roll it by myself anymore, so Jesse had to help. Then we couldn't roll it any more at all, even with Jesse, myself, Anna, Rebecca, and two shovels (it was about as high as my snow-suited waist), so we had to pile snow on top.

The best part (or at least the prettiest) part about being outside today was that the flowers were blooming under the snow. My little ornamental cherry tree was especially pretty. I was going to post just one picture, but I think I'll post a few.

These are raw and unedited. There are a couple that I'd like to switch out for the slightly edited versions, but I'm much too tired to deal with that tonight. If you'd like to see them, say so and I'll post them later.

Um. Those last two weren't actually in the snow. Or from today, come to think of it. That's the kind of food I like to pig out on all the time. Virginia makes fabulous frappuccinos.

But that doesn't mean I know how they got in there. Honest.

Oh good, familiar territory. Well, familiar in the sense that it's actually what I've been talking about in this post. Completely unfamiliar, really, since it's March here in NC and this is NOT the kind of precipitation we get in NC in March. But I'm not complaining.

Before you ask, yeah, those are my mom's 1970's snow pants with a strap missing (it broke the last time it snowed). That's also my mom's old Coke sweatshirt.

Cutest kid ever. Don't you deny it.

He shot me.

***

I want a frappuccino.

I won't tell you what I really call him

2009-02-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

Well, we just watched Obama's speech. I don't usually write on a political bent here because it's not my style, but I had a few things about the speech I wanted to say. I know there are way more important things he talked about (the budget, the military, healthcare, etc.), but the (roughly) three things I'm going to mention are what jumped out at me. They're probably not in order either.

First of all, Obama says he doesn't want to be dependent on foreign countries for things like car batteries. He says we have new plug-in smart cars rolling off the lines, running on batteries from Korea. Then later he says that we need to be sending more stuff overseas. So he doesn't want to buy from them, but he wants them to buy from us? Isn't trade supposed to be a reciprocal thing? I buy from you, you buy from me? I'm all for using our resources here at home, don't get me wrong. I just think he's seriously understimating the advantage, and especially the necessity, of trade with foreign countries.

Secondly--and this is what really gets me, as a student--Obama says he wants to create jobs. That's a no brainer. But then, talking about education and the high cost of tuition, he was talking about how we all need to make sacrifices and volunteer our time to help out. He says if you will volunteer your time to help out somehow, the government will help you pay for school. He's not encouraging anyone to work. All he's asking is for everyone to spend a few hours so we can get free (or cheap) education. So much for all those jobs he wants to create. If he really wanted to encourage people to work and help them out with tuition, he would say something like, "Make this much and the government will supplement this much." I'm not even sure I would agree to that, but it would at least be better than giving out money for volunteer work. He also mentioned, almost in passing, that welfare would continue/increase. Not really a huge help, in my opinion.

Finally, Obama says that anyone who makes under $250,000 will get a tax cut, and that "big businesses" that ship jobs overseas will no longer get tax breaks (effectively leaving them with a tax increase). That's just going to make it that much easier for those big businesses to go under, creating that many more unemployed people. It also takes away incentive to work hard and make more than $250,000 a year.

He also said some things that really make me want to ask, "Who are you to tell us what we need? It's our money and our hard work. Give it back and let us work with it."

I'm glad I didn't vote for him.

(P.S. Feel free to contradict me, question me, or otherwise disagree with me. I'm open. :-) )

How to Tuna Fish

2009-02-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

This post actually has nothing to do with tuning a fish. But I really wanted to use the phrase "Tuna Fish." Take what you can get, right?

I do, however, really have questions about this Albacore Tuna stuff that my mom's been buying. I always thought tuna was supposed to be sort of a dull greyish pink and shreddy and suspicious-like. I thought everyone doubted whether the stuff in the can was actually fish.

Then the parent (parentess?) came home with this Albacore stuff, and I'm having some serious misgivings about the way I was raised. At least regarding tuna.

Wait, no, I have misgivings about the rest of it too. Ignore the previous.

So she brings home this pink stuff in a can, and first off, it's pink. Like real fish. That's a major tipoff right there. Second, it isn't all shreddy. It's like... round... and it has pieces. Like, you know, fish pieces. I mean, the round part is obvious. It's in a can. But the pieces in the round can are what I'm really driving at here. Fish pieces.

I am disconcerted.

Then I mash it up in the bowl with mayonnaise and relish, and it has texture. What? Textured tuna? The world must be coming to an end. I thought tuna was supposed to be grey, flat, and all one consistency.

It sort of makes me feel like I'm putting a whole tuna on my sandwich. It's weird.

I mentioned this to my mom, and she asked me if I meant a whole tuna. "Tuna fish are huge," she said.

Yeah, thanks Mom, I had no idea.

C'mon! I was home schooled! I know how big tuna fish are!

Being home schooled is a good excuse for anything.

Ironically, I learned how big tuna fish are from The Magic School Bus, where the fish were roughly as big as the bus. That was a great show and I'm not ashamed.

Anyway, my point is that when I said I felt like I was putting a whole tuna on my sandwich, I meant it. That's why I said it. Albacore tuna is big. And I think it might be real fish.

That's all I'm really drivin' at. Thanks for listening.

Gang Boss 101

2009-02-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

Because I have such strong ties to all of the gangs in New York City (the means of which I shall not disclose), I am now authorized to bring you this intriguing information regarding a normal day in the life of the typical New York City gang boss or, as the case may be, one of his subordinates.

The gang boss (or subordinate) goes grocery shopping. While in Food Lion (probably Food Lion, because he has to keep up appearances, and "Kroger" just doesn't have that King of the Jungle feel). While buying essential items like flank steak, Pop Tarts, and grey poupon (nothing but the best for our distinguished gang boss), he also purchases a roll or two of aluminum foil. Having come upon a wad of said foil on a previous visit to the food emporium, he is well aware of its practical and economical benefits.

Our gang boss (or subordinate) deposits his recent purchases at his Bronx apartment on his way to the first gang war of the evening. At the same time he carefully arranges his hair (if he has not opted to shave his head so as to facilitate easier viewing of his scalp tattoos) in a messy and threatening manner. He knows that first impressions are important. He puts on his best ripped and graffiti'd jeans, makes sure the boxers are properly sown in, and hooks his suspenders onto the boxers, which rise a good foot or two above the waist of his denim trousers. He then puts his baggiest black shirt with the most questionable motif over the suspenders, and steps into his pristine white graffiti'd shoes, which he glues onto his feet so that as he chases down rival thugs, his untied shoes will not hinder his movement. He puts his biggest diamond earrings in his ears and his heaviest gold bling around his neck. He carefully ties his bandana around his head, and covers it with a hat, which still has the sticker on the flat brim. He places his trusty .45 somewhere in his getup, where he can retrieve it, impressively, at a moment's notice.

Lastly, he takes out two big sheets of aluminum foil and wads them around his fists, creating aluminum knuckles. Since our gang boss is not very monetarily advantaged, this is his alternative to brass knuckles. Cheap, but still flashy.

He then slouches carefully down the sidewalk, on his way to the first gang war of the evening.

After performing admirably in the gang wars, our gang boss (or subordinate, as we are about to find out) hies himself back to his apartment. He peels off his aluminum knuckles, flattens them out, and places the shining sheet over his marvelous gourmet dinner while it cooks. He sits down to watch a romantic comedy while he savors his meal. He cries during the movie.

You may be wondering at his choice of food. One essential thing to realize about gang bosses (or subordinates) is that at heart, they are all sensitive souls with a taste for caviar and cordon bleu. They are also very good cooks. Gang bosses (and subordinates) are insecure. They need to be loved. And so they cook themselves gourmet meals and watch romantic comedies. However, it is also essential to know that none of the other gang bosses (or subordinates) know this about each other. If they knew, they would all get together and have a cookout every weekend, but they don't, so they have gang wars instead.

But I digress.

This is where we transition from gang boss to subordinate, because no one calls the gang boss. He is the one doing the calling, and it would be boring to listen to him call every member of his gang and tell them the same thing. So we will now focus on the subordinate, the lowly gang member. Perhaps he isn't even that lowly. Perhaps he truly is second-in-command. Perhaps he has more bling than anyone, save the bossman. It makes no difference. They are all at home watching romantic comedies.

About halfway through the movie, the subordinate's phone rings. He quickly grabs a Kleenex and dries his tears and wipes his sniffly nose. He lowers his voice a bit. "Yeah," he says gruffly into the telephone. He listens a bit, trying bravely not to sniff. The movie is an emotional one. "Tenth and Main," he says snappily. "Got it." He then looks at his TV. "Uh, can you gimme... 47 minutes? Yeah. We'll jump that clique. They won't know what hit 'em. Yeah. Sorry boss. Sorry. I know. You're the boss. Sorry." He hangs up, because the gang boss hung up on him first, probably because he, too, wanted to finish his own romantic comedy.

Our subordinate finishes his movie. He then peels the aluminum foil off his dishes, wraps it around his fists, and heads out the door.

Newly fortified with a romantic comedy and chicken cordon bleu, all of the gangs fight bravely. There is no decided outcome, but each gang is convinced that it is the winner.

Sometimes the gang members would like some barbecue, but they can't tell anyone. Besides, they like cordon bleu too.

Free Gmail Stickers - Yes, Really

2009-02-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

I knew I loved Google and all things associated with it (well, mostly), but this might just take the cake. Gmail stickers? Seriously?

Yep. Seriously.

Go here and get 'em. Gotta go before February 14th!

Aaaaaaaaand kickoff!

2009-02-01T15:25:00.001-08:00

Superbowl XLIII. Go Cardinals!

Edit 1: SERIOUSLY?

Edit 2: All I can say is that stupid interception killed us. We would have won.

Weep weep. Gnash gnash.

Now I can't wait for next year.

(I freely admit I was pulling for the Cards because they were the underdogs. Now I know why.)

Quotables!

2009-01-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

After reading my last quotables:
Derrick: you have weird conversations, you know that?

Virginia: Hey Patience, I like your face.
Patience: Thank you! I made it mythelf.

TV show guy: It's a symptom of the disease.
KB: It's a symptom of the disease, Hana.
Hana: I know it is, I know.
TV show guy: I'm not kiddin'.
Hana: I'm not kiddin' either!
Mr. Halvorsen: He's DEAD.
KB and Hana: *die*
Mr. Halvorsen: He is!!

Jordan: hah

noice

Katie: not for me :-D

Jordan: (it's Italian, pronounced "noy-CHAY")

Katie: :-D

Jordan: (means, "oh, that sucks")

Patience: I don't detherve you.
VA: I'm that good?
Patience: You're that bad.

me: a guy at work offered to make me a fork yesterday
Ethan: Is he a cannible? Because in some oceanic cultures, offering a fork is equivalent to exchanging rings. Polynesians can be really hott, too.

Granddaddy: I got Grandmommy a GPS for Christmas, and ours are both female. But we had to change hers to the male voice cuz she didn't want some female bossin' her around.

KB: Hey William, can you say "tools"?
William: Yah. Mine.

KB: I don't know what to weeeaaar tomorrow... cuz you have to layer up when you go ice skating, you know, and I don't know what to layer up in.
VA: I hope I layer up enough so they don't recognize me.

KB: *showing Daddy my tooth* See Daddy, this is the one that hurts.
Daddy: *peering* What's that black stuff?
KB: It's the filling. It's silver.
VA: You have SILVER in you?!??!!??!!?!?! We could sell you online for SEVERAL DOLLARS!!!!

Stephen: *gets in the car wearing a Wakefield shirt*
Drew: STEPHEN, YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF BEFORE YOU GET IN MY CAR.
Stephen: *utterly blank look*

In the Harris Teeter restroom
KB: *looking around for paper towels* *sees a dispenser like a foot off the ground* *bending down* Do they... what... do they really expect me to use this?!?!
Kelly: What? *dies* Katie Beth, turn around.
KB: *turns around* Oh! *goes over to the other normal dispenser behind me*
Kelly: *still laughing* That was amazing. "Do they really expect me to use this?!" Hahahaha!

Talking about toads at the bonfire
Kelly: Well Willy, you'd pee too if someone that big picked you up!

KB: Guess what I am! Guess what I am!
Maggie and Patience: Uhhh... Katie Beth?
KB: Psshh, no! I'm a Cuddly Teddy!
Patience: I am a Bunny Bear.
KB: What is a Bunny Bear?
Patience: A Bunny Bear ith a Bunny what ith a Bear.

Patience: Ok, we're going to have a lion thing (roar) contetht. Whoever ith the looouuuudetht... weenth (wins).
KB: Ok. You go first.
Patience: *roars*
Maggie: *roars, sort of*
Rebecca: *doesn't really roar at all*
KB: Virginia, it's your turn! We're having a lion thing contest.
VA: Oh! Ok. A lion thing? *starts to do a lion run thing* No, no, just kidding. *does something else that is not at all a roar* Ok, just kidding! *roars*
KB: Ok, my turn! AhWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH WEE OH WEEMOH WIMAWEH. AhWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH WEE OH WEEMOH WIMAWEH. IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE, THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT. IIIIIN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE, THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT. AhWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH WEE OH WEEMOH WIMAWEH. AhWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH WEE OH WEEMOH WIMAWEH.
Patience: *waiting*
KB: So who won?
Patience: You did.

Patience: Now I am going to have the contetht by mythelf. RRROOOOAAAARRRR! *pause* I won.

KB: VIRGINIA. I HOPE YOUR SOUL GETS MEASLES AND DIES.

Patience: NOT COOL.

Mommy: Jesse, you'll make a good mother someday.

Katie: you going to bed?

Derrick: hahahaha

errrrr no

Derrick: anyway, I think you'll like what I have so far

Katie: rofl

why am I skeptical? :-D

Derrick: the same reason you wished I'd be going to bed

youre crazy

Katie: but we knew that

Derrick: true, but the degree keeps increasing

Katie: :-P

Derrick: soon it will be up so high you will truly live up to your hair

Katie: ha!!

Derrick: (that sounded a lot better in my head)

Brianne: *after telling us all about her New Years resolution to not eat any fast food* But I don't eat all that much fast food anyway.
Jon: Then what's the point?! That's like saying I'm not gonna live in Germany this year! Goin' strong so far!

Givler, out loud to Jordan: Lolwut?

Patience: Hey, thethe are the thame pantth I ate potatoeth in! Thee all the cheethe?

Derrick: OOH speaking of class, mine starts soon. I should find my pants and get to class

Derrick: OOH! I was forced into a social situation today

Brianne: I had some special church thing to go to. It was so special I forgot about it.

KB: All the good people leave.
Brianne: Which is why we're still here.

Patience: Um, did you know you're in my whale?

KB: ok... I've got to go to bed
KB: word
KB: so sleepy
KB: and HUNGRY
KB: what shall I eat?
Lizzie: FOOD!!!
Lizzie: I VOTE FOOD!!!
KB: what food?
Lizzie: delicious food...
Lizzie: like....
Lizzie: ummmm
Lizzie: steak
KB: wish I had some
Lizzie: how about...
KB: we have pizza
Lizzie: umm
KB: but we had it for dinner and I don't really feel like pizza
Lizzie: ice cream
Lizzie: !
KB: already had ice cream
Lizzie: MORE ICE CREAM
Lizzie: I have brownies here, you can have some of those
KB: lol!
KB: ooo
KB: that sounds good
Lizzie: well come get em
KB: I might die of hunger before I got there though
KB: and then where would we be?
KB: (answer: on the side of the road, dead. Of hunger.)
Lizzie: hahaha
Lizzie: oh
Lizzie: that would be terrible
Lizzie: and akward
Lizzie: **awkward
KB: yeah, very awkward
KB: cuz you'd be like driving out to deliver brownies to some dead, starved person
KB: and I wouldn't be able to eat them
KB: and then you'd have to eat them yourselv
Lizzie: I'll stuff em in you
KB: and you'd probably get fat
Lizzie: and revive you
KB: HAHAHA
KB: "EAT THIS NOW"
Lizzie: haha, yep
Lizzie: I'll guard your life by filling you with brownies
KB: okie dokie
Lizzie: *stuff stuff stuff*
Lizzie: YOU LIVE!!!!!
Lizzie: *lightning flashes*
Lizzie: MWAHAHAHAHA
KB: rofl!
Lizzie: I figure that's what would happen
KB: yeah, probably

VA: Man, William looks like a prostitute with his shoes and socks off.
KB: .........................A prostitute?
VA: ..........That is NOT what I meant. You KNOW it isn't.

Mommy, packing: I know, I know, I'm all eeeeeeeee * worried face*, but I need to just calm down and not worry if I don't have the kind of underwear I like....

Jesse: Daddy, I have a proposition.
Daddy: A preposition?
Jesse: Yes! I have a preposition!
KB: But, but, but...!

School with Barak

2009-01-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me this. I had to share.

Also, Quotables. Coming. Soon.

Shaving Your Whole Body Is Gross

2009-01-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

How's that for a provocative title?

People tell me all the time, "You must be so bored, sitting up there on the stand all the time." I want to say, "You have no idea." But it doesn't mean what they think it means. Lifeguarding isn't always the most exciting job, but when it's funny, it's really funny.

I worked today, from 9:45 to 4. That's 6.25 hours, for anyone who's counting (I count it because I get paid for it, and also because I like counting things.). In the space of those hours I did, heard, and was treated to many things that were much more interesting than any homework I might have done instead. I guess I could have been productive on my breaks, read some Economics, maybe gotten ahead on English. But I didn't.

I think the most notable happening today was Chris coming in and announcing that he had shaved his entire body for his swim meet. He says he "had to," whatever that actually means. He was pretty vocal about how gross and creepy it all was, and how hard it was and how he missed spots and did a bad job (actually I was the one who pointed out all the nicks on his legs), and was all, "Does this look normal?" and, "Does this look weird?" and, "I could never be a girl," and, "And when I slide my shorts over my legs! Eeewww!", and "Does this look like I have no hair?" (Why yes, Chris, it does, now that you mention it.)

Since I was sitting there trying to finish the last two pages of my book, Chris thought he should annoy me and do everything he could to keep me from finishing. He's enormously effective. Not only did he talk, but he decided it would be a good idea to rub my knee with his arm to show me how smooth it really was (heaven forbid I should doubt), and then he kept trying to stick his leg under my chair, hoping, I gather, that I would forget it was there and bump it with my leg and be weirded out. I kicked him instead. Every now and then he would say, "Read your book!" and I would say something like, "I'm TRYING, but you keep talking and... touching me and stuff!" which Ardalan and Shelby found disturbing. I won't even tell you what I found it.

Finally I told Chris I was going to tell Drew all this, because her sense of humor would appreciate his humiliation. He protested. "No! You'd better not!" he said. "She'll see it anyway," I said. "No! She won't! I'll do THIS!" he said. And he stretched the legs of his swim meet suit out over his knees, and pulled down his guard suit (which he was wearing on top) down to cover the rest of his legs.

And right as he pulled down his guard suit, his dad popped his head in the door. Chris had been waiting for his family to get there so he could watch his little sister in the pool, but I doubt he could have chosen more perfet timing.

"What are you wearing, man?!" said Chris's dad, and then, "What are you DOING?" And Chris pulled up his suit and went to play with his sister. I don't even want to know what his dad thought his son was doing with the poor demented redhead who was about to choke to death laughing.

Then I finished Brisingr (much better than Eldest), which I had borrowed from Genise last week. Then I told Chris and gloated.

Following is a list of everything else that happened today, not necessarily in order:

I stayed up super late this morning making raisin bread to bring to work.
I ate donuts at work. Some wonderful secret person brought them.
I bought lunch from Chik-Fil-A at 9:30 AM. The fries got cold and the wrap fell apart, but I ate it anyway.
Robbie sang Frank Sinatra to me. I still don't know why, but that's Robbie. On the next rotation, he was apparently going to sing me a song I had never heard (his words), but he tapped on the rescue tube and talked like a robot instead.
I slipped in the guard room and caught myself by the ribs on a plastic chair. I bruised my ribs and my hand very nicely and now they're sore.
I ran (in my brand new Under Armor compression shorts, which I love so very very much. They were totally worth the $25.), and now the back of my right knee is sore.
I stayed after my workout to talk to Drew, and we followed each other around a lot.
I went to the mall with Genise and Rose.
I went to Panera with Genise and Rose, but I was a good girl and didn't buy dinner because I bought lunch.
I came home and Mommy told me that I missed a lot of "action," which is code for "a whole heck of a lot of fighting." I'm so glad I was gone.
I forgot to give Genise back her book.

So when you tell me you're sorry I'm bored, you just have no idea. In fact, I'm probably having tons of fun making up stories about you and your family right now, which I will tell to the lifeguard contingent later. It probably involves names, too, like "Speedo Guy. YOU know the one." And all the lifeguards will say, "Oh, yeah, THAT guy." Either that or just entertaining ourselves, like Chris likes to do.

We have to have fun somehow.

Seriously

2009-01-22T18:40:00.000-08:00

What is the world coming to when even my blog is on Facebook?

That means you'd better go find my blog network and join it. Go. Now.

I'm so ashamed.

(Edit: Not really.)

Red herring! Red herring!

2009-01-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have noticed that I secretly read Highlights magazine on occasion. Or you may have not, but after this post any shreds of an adult reputation I may have had will be completely gone anyway.

I was reading the February issue of Highlights today (it's called procrastination, or something), and I came upon a story entitled "The Lost Mittens." It involves a small child named Matt who wants to go out and ride his new sled (this child has snow, unlike some of us) but cannot find his mittens. Are they on the table? No, they are not. Are they by his boots? No, they are not. They are not in his dresser or under his bed.

Finally Matt looks out the window and espies the snowman he had so deftly created the day before (it is either a very small snowman or he had a lot of help, but apparently these kind of details aren't important to the narrative). The snowman is sporting two mittens. In fact, it is sporting the very mittens that our young protagonist needs to ride his sled.

The story ends with this description of the snowman's stickwear, and says, "That's where his mittens were!"

Now I don't know about you, but it seems to me that this story is lacking some serious resolution. Yeah, the kid found his mittens, but did anyone else notice that where his mittens were wasn't the original problem? The original problem was that he wanted to ride the sled and needed something to wear on his hands. Now he's found his mittens, but they're outside and all cold and stiff and icy, so he still has nothing to wear on his hands when he goes sledding. The original (reasonable) problem was replaced by another one, and the second problem was answered but the first was not.

This bothers me.

I mentioned this to Virginia, who replied, "They thought kids were stupid! But HA, you can't fool them, because you, the 20-year-old, figured it out!"

Since I can't save myself now, I will end by saying that Virginia also secretly reads Highlights. Now we're even.

Let me just TELL you...

2008-12-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

...about Christmas dinner. Oh my goodness. Now most of you know that I don't live to eat. In fact, if I didn't have to, I probably would almost never eat. But I would eat that Christmas dinner all day, every day.

We had venison filet mignon, bacon-wrapped and everything. That alone would have been amazing enough, but we had beans (sauted in lemon juice and onions for that perfect "mmmmmmmmmhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm" taste), mashed potato casserole (that stuff melts in your mouth, lemme tell ya what), country ham (SALT. SALT. SALT.), and biscuits ("Better than Bojangle's. Fo'real."). And as if that wasn't enough to keep us moaning in glorious ecstasy for months, Mrs. Allen brought a wondrous homemade chocolate torte for dessert.

I had some more (of everything) a couple nights ago for a snack*. It was almost just as good as the first time.

I do not have pictures, because you'd all be drooling all over your keyboards and that's gross.

I do, however, have a very bad picture (courtesy of the webcam at night) of my new haircut, not like you haven't all seen it on Facebook by now, and not like it has anything to do with this post anyway. But that's ok.

Goodnight!

*Note: Katie Beth's "snacks" are normally what anyone else would call "meals."

Merry Christmas everyone!

2008-12-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

Rejoice!

And tell me how it went, because I'm going to investigate that FABULOUS food I'm smelling. ;-)

Gerbils, Jelly Bears, and Epic Dramas

2008-12-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

I'm at Hana's house, on Hana's Mac, on Hana's sofa. Next to Hana. She added that part. We were supposed to play with the two little girls after dinner, but we were looking at ancient pictures of ourselves and they were bored.

"What are we gonna DO?" asked Mary Asta.
"...Write a book," I said. As always. I'm very creative.
"Naawww!" said Mary Asta.
"Yes!" I said, having a stroke of brilliance. "Write us a story and we'll act it out for you!"

Her little face started to light up, but she was still dubious.

"Go ahead!" I said. "But you'd better go fast, cuz it's almost your bedtime!"

Mary Asta raced up stairs as fast as her little feet would take her. Soon she came back down with a paper and started asking us how to spell words. The culmination of her story is below. Spelling, plot holes, and all.

***

One day two gerbels. Two gerbils appear on the floor. We shall call one Hana and one Katie Beth. They have nibbly teeth. Thy were waaking along and one said Why don’t we have a party. "Why don't we have a party?" says one gerbil. The other thought that was a great idea. "I think that is a great idea!" says the other. Thy started to put up stremers The gerbils start to hang streamers. "But we can't reach the ceiling," the Katie Beth gerbil says. "No!" says the narrator. "You don't have a ceiling!" "Oh! We don't have a ceiling," say the Gerbils, displaying what are undoubtedly signs of an impending giggle fit. "What are we supposed to hang streamers on then?" "On your cage!" says the narrator. "Oh! On the cage!" say the Gerbils, giggling even more. "How are we supposed to be walking around in a cage?" giggles the Hana gerbil. what color will the be icing for the cake? "It will be purple," says the Katie Beth gerbil. It will be blue. "Oh! It will be blue." says the Katie Beth gerbil, and the two gerbils have another giggle fit. Then Thy started to make the bater. The gerbils go crazy making batter. But suddenly the bater exploded!!! "AAHHH!!!" shriek the gerbils, falling over. The narrator and her helper giggle insanely. Thy laughed and laughed The gerbils laugh a lot. but finely Thy cleaned it up. "Oh," says the Hana gerbil. "I don't like cleaning up." But they clean up anyway. Then Thy made the cake The gerbils stir the newly restored batter wildly. it was beautiful. "It's beautiful!" say the gerbils. Win it was done. Thy had a wonderful time. "They had a wonderful time!" said the narrator. The gerbils have a wonderful time.

***

After we finished Mary Asta's story, we had to write her and Lily Ava a story.

***

[Katie Beth's handwriting] Once upon a time there were two giant Japanese jelly bears. "You're the jelly bears," says the Hana narrator. They were very snazzy. "What does snazzy mean?" asked the Mary Asta bear. "It means… awesome looking," says the Katie Beth narrator. "…and glittery." The jelly bears begin jumping and racing around in circles. They had two pet people and they took them for walks every day. "Take your pets for walks!" say the narrators. The bears begin walking their pets.

On one of these walks the two bears and their pets came across a broken bicycle. The bears look down. "Oh!" said the bears. "Oh!" "There is a bike. What shall we do with it?" "What shall we do with it?" says the Mary Asta bear to the Lily Ava bear. "Ah we boofit?" said the Lily Ava bear. The Mary Asta bear does most of the talking since the Lily Ava bear has some problems with communication, notably annunciation. These jelly bears, by the way, were not married. The jelly bears, in their traditional Japanese kimonos with long pockets denoting singleness, giggle. One had pigtails. "That's you," says the Hana narrator to the Lily Ava bear. "No baids," says the Lily Ava bear. "No, braids," translates the Hana narrator for the benefit of the Katie Beth narrator. "We'd better change it to braids."

Suddenly the house exploded, as suggested by the Mary Asta bear before our drama begins. "What house?" asks the Mary Asta bear. "Uhh... THE house!" says the Katie Beth narrator. The jelly bears shriek, causing the narrators to cover their ears. "Wow," said the bears. "Wow!" say the bears. "I didn't know we had a house." "Me neither!" says the Mary Asta bear. The narrators have another unexpected giggle fit. But this did not solve the problem of the bike.

[Hana's handwriting] "I think we should jump up and down around the bike. Maybe that will fix it." One said to the other. "Oh!" said the bears, completely forgetting to relay this part of the drama in their excitement. They jump around.

Suddenly a great green gooey THING dropped out of the trees and scared them so silly that the Jelly bear with pigtails—"Braids," says the Hana narrator. "Braids," resumes the Katie Beth narrator—jumped into the arms of the other Jelly bear. The Jelly bears, who have acquired capitalization, look confused. "Lily Ava, you leap into Mary Asta's arms," says the Hana narrator. The Lily Ava bear gives an uncertain little hop, and the Mary Asta bear throws her arms around her. They squeak.

"That's my bicycle." Said the great green gooey THING! "I like it broken. Would you like some gerbils who bake cakes?"

[Katie Beth's handwriting] "Well sure!" said the Jelly Bears. "Sure!" say the Jelly Bears, who have finally acquired complete capitalization at the very end of our epic drama. And out jumped two cake-baking gerbils, armed with spoons and spatulas! Two gerbils who look suspiciously like narrators leap onto the stage. The Jelly Bears look confused and startled, but go along with it. "Hello!" they said, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Wait!" says the Mary Asta bear. She scampers off to the play kitchen and gets spoons and spatulas. "Hello!" they said again, lifting the two Giant Jelly Bears into the air while the Jelly Bears' pets scampered off to their homelands. "Hello!!!" say the narrator-gerbils, lifting the two Jelly Bears into the air. The Jelly Bears giggle loudly.

And so the Jelly Bears and the Gerbils lived happily ever after and ate cakes all day. "Do we have to keep holding them?" asks the Hana narrator. "No," says the Katie Beth narrator.

"Ha ha!" says the Katie Beth narrator as she transcribes the drama. "As I was typing it out I accidentally typed 'and they lived happily ever fater'."
"Oh the irony," said the Hana narrator. "I know what YOU think about eating cake!"

THE END

***

Quotables!

2008-12-15T15:55:00.000-08:00

Because you've all been waiting so very impatiently. Didn't your mothers teach you better?

***

Shannon O: There's something wrong with us.

Shannon O: I need to go dunk my head in water or marshmallows or sometihng

Katie Beth's status: To run... or to die... that is the question
Jesse: DIE!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie: I will not, thankyou very much

Jesse: Then there's not really any question, is there.

;-P

Katie: not really

but thank you for your unconcern

Jesse: you're welcome, any time.

Glad to.

If ever you need any unconcern, I'm here.

and cheap.

Katie: free, apparently

Jesse: No, that was just a complementary service that I offer, just to kinda get the word out, you kno.

know*

Advertising.

Katie: aha

so normally you get paid a little bit for your unconcern?

Jesse: It's not a very friendly business to be in, people aren't very smart these days, they pay me to be unconcerned, but then get their feelings hurt when I do what they payed me for, not very logical.

Right.

Katie: hum

Jesse: Would you like to use my services?

Katie: I just did

without even asking

they were, so to speak, thrust upon me

Jesse: Ten dollars a month, now through the end of this year.

Katie: no thank you!

that's not cheap

Jesse: I told you, that was just a trial period of sorts.

Katie: well I'm cancelling the subscription!

Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry.

I wish I could help, but I'm kinda broke myself.

I sencerely hope you can pull through these tough financial times.

(notice how concerned I am)

(that's 'cause you haven't signed up yet)

(I'll keep being concerned until you do)

Katie: (oh, I get it)

(ok)

Jesse: (Let me know when you want to sign up)

Katie: (ok)

Jesse: (why are these stupid parentheses things around everything we say?)

(It's like we're wispering or something.)

Katie: (you started it)

Jesse: (spsbsdfdsdrbesrtdtkatiebethasdrpoisduf; ajseufpasdjrkeusiapj)

Katie: (thank you)
Jesse's new status: UNCONCERNED INC! NOW GIVING OUT FREE FIVE MINUTE TRIAL PERIODS! TEN DOLLARS PER MONTH NOW THROUGH THE END OF THIS YEAR! IM ME TODAY!

Jesse: (What do you think?)

Katie: (I think you should sign up)

Jesse: (Me? To my own business? That wouldn't exactly help, would it.)

Katie: (You would be less concerned for yourself, certainly. Then you wouldn't care.)

Hana: My ambiance has flown completely out the window! Shut up!

Patience: I'm going to call the polithe. Ring ring ring! We need you really.
Everyone else: *laughs*
Patience: We need you really MUCH!

Someone in my online lit class, regarding Oedipus: ...he just loses it and takes Jocasta's brochures and sticks them in his eyes until he can't see anymore.

KB: Why is there a bagel in a bag on the table?
Hana: Because I was going to feed it to the ducks. But there were no ducks. There was not even a hint of a duck! But there was a BLUE HERON like HALF A MILE away.

Patience: FAIL.

Shannon O: We need to create quotables tonight.

Nala: I'm wearing floaties to bed...and you can't stop me

Katie: ........you have floaties?

Nala: sorry about the change of subject

I'll get them some how

Katie: no, it's ok, I just didn't know you had floaites

floaties*

oh :-D

I took Pookums swimming yesterday

Nala: I just learned that you can possibly drown in blankets

Katie: he didn't really trust the floaty

oh yes?

Nala: yes

o.o
Links me to a picture showing a girl sprawling in quilts
Comment thread:
Hana: she LOOKS like she was drowning in the blankets...but because blankets can't drown a person...
Emily: or CAN they??
Hana: Are you trying to tell me something I don't know?! This might be crucial to me getting through the night without dying!
Emily: i'm just sayin... wear floaties to bed.
Hana: O.O OK! Will DO.

Katie: oh my heavens

I'll be back, I have to go to the Y real quick O_O

Nala: O.O

WHY?!

Katie: to get floaties!!!

Nala: IT'S 11 O'CLOCK

you do that

have fun with that

Katie: actually on second though

thought*

I'll do it later

I'll take my chances tonight

I'll warn VA to save me if I start to gurgle

Nala: ok

sounds good

you could sleep on your back too, that way you're floating

Katie: that's true

I'll have to hold my breath

Nala: or just keep your head above the blankets

Katie: oh, absolutely :-D

Nala: I should wear my goggles

Patience: *puts the Little Monster CD into the computer* *clicks randomly* Ith it even going to thtart?
KB: *goes over to help* I don't know. Does Little Monster even work?
Patience: Doeth Little Monthter even work! NAW! He'th LITTLE MONTHTER!

Nala: note to self: dont' skip around corners that have tiled floors when wearing slippery socks

Katie: bahaha!!

did you just die?

Nala: almost

let's just say the wall got awful friendly all of a sudden

KB: Hi, chicken.
Patience: *with accompanying belly-dance moves* HelLOOOOO, little angel of my crew. *wiggle wiggle wiggle*

Virginia: http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2003-06-15/

HAHAHAHAHA

or have you seen that already?

Katie: haha

yes

today

Virginia: is it not hilarious?

Katie: it is most assuredly hilarious

Virginia: I died

Katie: should we have a funeral?

Virginia: only if you'll read Dilbert comics out loud

Katie: hum

well, ok

if you insist

Virginia: I want my funeral to be humerous...and bring back memories of me

and what caused my death...or something

Nala:

ok, NOW you killed me

Katie: LOL

Nala: geez, I KNEW it wasn't going to be the floor and slippery socks that killed me, but YOU and your stupid quotables

:P

Anna: *singing* And it's dangerous to call the schoolmaster stupid. Cuz then he'll call you Rufus, and everyone will be like, "Rufus! Rufus!"

Genise: What do you do with a victim with a spinal injury?
Rose: You jump in and make the biggest splash you can!
Drew: And then you swim the butterfly to them! And then you grab their head and yank them to shore!
Genise: Uh, NO.
Drew: Ok, no. You slide in up to your neck, and go up to them like... like an anaconda!
Genise: I'm not even listening anymore.
Rose: But she's saying the right stuff now!
Drew: You swim up to them like an anaconda! *makes snakey motions* *eyes get all big*
KB: And then you BITE THEM!
Drew: No, no! Anacondas don't bite, they SQUEEEEZE the LIFE out of you!

Rose: ...and then Jon comes in, not even dressed...
Genise, Drew, and KB: *die laughing*

Rose: I look like a twelve-year-old with no eyebrows.
Drew: What about that picture?
Rose: Oh, yeah, I was pretty excited about that picture. I still look twelve, but at least I have eyebrows!

Nala: water up, my flame flower

:-D

Katie: hahahahahhaah

WOW

Nala: which is much the same as "peace out, KB"

Katie: got it :-D

fire down, Pyre girl! ;-)

Watching the Morse Code scene in The Hunt For Red October:
Virginia: Hee! They couldn't just use EMAIL?

Patience: Katie Beth, I don't know what ta do.
KB: Ummm... write a book.
Patience: I don't know how to read.

Patience: Touch my hand.
KB: Uh... why? *gingerly touches her palm with one finger*
Patience: No, over here.
KB: *does* Why? ...Did you lick it?!
Patience: Uh huh!

After reading a blog entry:

Nala: YOU ARE IN FINE FORM

my GOSH

Nala: you realize you have the coolest semi-initials ever, right?

KBG?

Katie: mmhmm

Nala: that's like...rearrange them and you get KGB

Katie: (I have been gypped. My Milky Way bar was missing the crunchy.)

yup

which is totally evil

Nala: :-D

you are

Katie: uh huh :-D

and my real initials are KEG

so really I'm just a redheaded beer drinkin' communist

which, if you ask me, is an absolutely terrifying combination

Nala: exactly

:-D

I always KNEW there was a reason to be terrified of you, but for some reason, all I can do is laugh in the face of your terror

it might be MY initials

HAH

I haff been editing

2008-12-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

I finally sat down and edited some of those photos I took a few weeks ago. Ok, I admit it, it's because the Almost Done With Finals headiness is upon me, and I should be studying for tomorrow's math final, but hey, I've got all tomorrow morning to do that, right?

(Yes, I know it's Sunday. I had a lot of study Sundays in high school, and college is no different.)

So first I snapped a picture of my choker to put on Facebook. I can't decide if I like it better with more contrast or less.

(Click all photos to enlarge.)

Then I was editing the actual pictures of yours truly. I started out pretty normal...

Then I just went NUTS playing with blending modes.

(While we're loading pictures, how is it that I always see these giveaways from this wonderful woman AFTER they're over? My soul weeps at the thought that I COULD have had a CHANCE at winning Photoshop CS4. Even if I had known I wouldn't have gotten it, the soul weeps at the missed chance. What the heck. By the way, I'm addicted to her Confessions blog. Ree, you're welcome.)

Truly, I scare myself.

Then I decided I'd better do something normal before I went completely insane.

And finally, to redeem myself, I have cute siblings.

(I love little William's look of intense concentration.)

Now a question for you: Which one's your favorite? Least favorite?

On Mothers and Stuff

2008-12-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

First of all...

The mother is giving us soup for dinner. Again.

Soup is for sick people. Not one of us is sick. Not one of us could even pretend to pass for an invalid. I have a cough, but a little cough has never prevented my healthy American molars from chewing good beef.

And yet she continues to serve us soup. CHICKEN soup.

"But I have chicken," she says.

"Chicken shmicken," says I. I don't care if you ARE a chicken, I'm not sick and that stuff is NOT going to fill me up.

And don't you even start on that "If you don't like what she's serving make it yourself" nonsense. Here I am trying to train up my mother in the way she should go (and when she is old she will not depart from it) and I don't need any of your lip. You just stay out of how I want to raise my parents.

And for another thing...

She wouldn't let me Expound In Great Detail last night in the car. After making us suffer through 10 minutes of Mr. NPR explaining every single song in his nasally voice (she lets HIM expound but not me), because, and I quote, "But there might be more music!", a song finally came on of which I did not approve. The first two verses went something like this:

If I were a little swallow
With my little wings I'd fly
I'd sit by the side of my true love
Until the day I die

"But that's only one verse," you say. Why yes, yes it is. But they were both about the same, so that one counts for both.

In case you're wondering, there were more verses, but I mostly missed the rest because I was busy expounding (before I was rudely cut off in mid-expound).

So anyway, in the first verse he was a sparrow, and in the second he was a swallow, and I get the impression that both of these little flighted animals spend their lives in the same general manner.

Not only was the song sung badly, it was a very boring tune, and it was spent spouting either useless and untrue information about sparrows and swallows, or common knowledge information that any small child could find in a large cardboard book.

The singer was not either a sparrow or a swallow or a feathered being of any kind, unless he wanted to wait until he met me in a dark alley, where I would have tarred and feathered him.
We all know that little birdies fly with their little wings. Why do we need to hear it again, and in such tuneless fashion?
Said little birdies do not sit by the sides of their true loves, until the day they die, unless they happen to have a sudden heart attack while in the nest, which is something that I doubt happens to birds very frequently, simply because they don't have to pay taxes and things like that.

There. I have expounded. And she couldn't stop me.

That's what she gets for making soup all the time.

In other news...

Putting bacon in your eggs is weird. It's like crossing a pig and a chicken.

Twilight Director Catherine Hardwicke Gets the Boot

2008-12-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

If you've been following the Lex in the last couple of days you'll know that Catherine Hardwicke has been booted from New Moon (the sequel to Twilight), and the gears are in motion to find a new director. You can read the full statement here.

The gist is that Catherine will not be directing New Moon due to time constraints. Summit's target date for New Moon is late 2009 or early 2010 (if you're quick, you'll realize that that's only about a year away), and Catherine is apparently unable to get a sequel out there in time. So she's out. So far I haven't heard anything about her resenting getting the boot, but I haven't looked real hard either. I mean, I'm sure she's not real thrilled, but until I hear otherwise, I'm going to assume it was a effectively a mutual decision and that there are no hard feelings.

So now Luchina Fisher of ABC News has written an article about this, in what is essentially yet another feminist temper tantrum--channeled through other female wanna-be gurus, yes--against a predominantly male industry. What bothers me is not that they're upset because they liked the movie. Rather, they're upset because Catherine is a woman.

Well, so what? You want to be treated like men, then you don't want to be treated like men. Make up your mind. Twilight is not the first series to have changed directors in the middle. Every James Bond movie since 1995 (and that's six, for anyone who's counting) has been made by a different director, with the exception of GoldenEye and Casino Royale, which were both directed by Martin Campbell. Daniel Craig starred in both the 2006 Casino Royale and the 2008 Quantum of Solace, but these movies had different directors. Nobody's pitchin' a hissy fit over that one.

There are rumors that Catherine was not fired because of time, but because she was "difficult" and "irrational" during Twilight. The commenter went on to say that, "That doesn't mean anything when you're talking about a filmmaker because they all are, but still..." So why bring it up? Not only did Nikki Finke quote it, but Fisher repeated it, adding that "...some industry watchers question whether Hardwicke was treated fairly."

Not one of these women would complain if a male director was fired for being ornery. In fact, they would probably applaud the one doing the firing for finally exhibing fairness in the film industry, or something like that. And I'm not saying Catherine was ornery. All the Twilight cast members seemed to genuinely enjoy working with her. But let's say for argument's sake that she was tough to work with, and that that's the real reason she won't be directing New Moon. So what? If feminists want to be treated like men, they need to stop complaining when their directors are fired for something they wouldn't mind a man being fired for.

But what if timing is the real reason? Nobody seems to believe that. Why not? A year--possibly less--is a quick timeline for a sequel. I could readily believe that Catherine would have trouble filming and completing a movie in that amount of time. With the actors she had and the high expectation she was under, maybe she wanted more time to perfect things. Why is that so hard to believe? These hyper-overreactive women are so sensitive to how they think they should be treated that they can't even consider a logical, non-prejudiced view of this industry.

Then again, what if Summit just didn't like the way the movie was done? That's ok too. That doesn't reflect in any way on Catherine; it just says they think it could be done better with another director. I have absolutely no problem with that.

And maybe it was prejudice and gender discrimination that led Summit to find a new and, hopefully, better director. I'm not denying that it happens. I'm just saying we shouldn't assume it. Hollywood ladies, look at the facts and the statements before you get your undies in a bunch with all kinds of assumptions and implications of blame that no one can or will prove.

Twilight wasn't the best movie I've ever seen. It could have been done so much better. So instead of worrying abaout the sequel and bashing Summit for letting Catherine go, let's just wait for New Moon and enjoy any positive changes that this new director creates, shall we? I for one am willing to take the chance. It's not like we have a choice.

Prayer request

2008-12-06T20:11:00.000-08:00

I'm really really really stressed out right now, and prayers would be much appreciated. Below are the reasons for the stress, in no particular order:

I'm in the middle of finals. I have one more Psychology paper to do, and I'm not positive I did the other one well but I don't really have the time or the inclination to revise it. I also have the Psychology test. I have a very low 90 average in this class, and I really really want an A. Due Wednesday. Y'all know how I am about grades. I have a persuasive speech for Public Speaking, and I'm dreading it. I'm really worried about how I'm going to get good sources and visual aids for a speech on why guns should be allowed on campus, and my outline is due Tuesday. The speech is Saturday. I also have a low 90 average in THIS class. I'm basically done with Microeconomics, but, like I predicted but hoped wouldn't happen, the teacher uploaded one more test, available this Monday through Thursday. I was ready to take it earlier this week, but it wasn't up yet. One more thing piled on. I have a high 90's average in this class. I have one last English essay due Friday. I'm still not sure I get the whole citing thing for drama. I have a 99 average though, so I'm not worried. I have no idea when our math final is, but it's just one more thing to do.

We have a mandatory in-service on Wednesday (same day Psych is due). It's basically a weed-out in-service, and if we're not perfect, we're fired. No joke. We have to swim the lifeguard 500 (ten laps, no stops, no floor-touching), tread water, no hands, for two minutes, go down feet first, go out from the wall and go down hands first, go down hands first, pick up the 10 lb. brick and swim it back to the other end of the pool, and take a written test. I swam the 500 last night and this afternoon, so I know I can do that, but I'm still (irrationally) afraid that I won't have enough energy to finish it. It also takes me absolutely forever, and even though we're not timed, most people in the world are better swimmers than me. About the test, I didn't certify at this Y, so we had a different book. I've never seen this book before. Everyone says it's easy and that the questions are mostly common-sense, but I still don't know what the questions ARE, and we have to get them all right. On top of all that, the boss emailed us and said to bring our certification cards for CPRO, First Aid, Lifeguarding, and Oxygen. I'm CPR/First Aid certified (not CPRO), but not oxygen. Our employment status is contingent on all of this.

Lack of sleep. Worry about all of this is causing me to be exhausted and not sleep well. I'm also emotional. Of course.

So that's what's going on. What you can pray for:

Peace, trust, faith, tranquility, etc. Non-worry. You get it.
The ability to study well and know my material. All of it.
Confidence.
Rest.
Time to get all of this done.
That all this work stuff will get worked out and that I'll be able to keep my job.
Success.

Thanks in advance, y'all. :-) I'm going to bed.

Of Green Toes and Other Things

2008-12-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

We had brussel sprouts for dinner, and I had an epiphany for dessert. Wait, no. We didn't have brussel sprouts FOR dinner. I mean, we did, but they weren't the main dealio. The main dealio was chicken. But the dessert part was totally on.

So I had an epiphany (For dessert! And I keep mispelling both of those words.). I can't imagine why I didn't realize this before. All these years I could have saved myself just a little bit more angst (I'm an angsty person. I admit it.). I could have gone without just a little bit more squirming.

I don't like shapey foods. All foods have shapes, but some foods have abnormal shapes. The brussel sprouts revealed this to me tonight. I don't really mind brussel sprouts. In fact, when I was little, Daddy and I had great fun calling them "green toes" and grossing Mommy out. Daddy does NOT like brussel sprouts and Mommy does NOT like toes, so it worked out well.

Anyway, brussel sprouts never really bothered me, but they still... bothered me. I've never known why, but I feel sort of squirmy when I eat them. Tonight I realized why. They are abnormally shaped. They look like tiny cabbages. Miniature foods are abnormally shaped foods, and therefore, brussel sprouts make me squirm inside. And sometimes outside too.

This explains why gummy bears have always been sort of weird, and why those wheel-shaped noodles are unpalatable. I don't really like boxed mac'n'cheese anyway, but those wheel things are just weird. Also vegetable soup. Sorta goofy.

So now you know. And I guess more importantly, now I know, too.

Strangely, I never really minded those dinosaur gummy snack things, other than the fact that the sugar gives me a headache and the food coloring tastes funny. I'm sure there is significance hidden somewhere deep within this fact. I'll let you know.

So, Twilight

2008-11-22T06:59:00.000-08:00

Virginia and I went with Kelly and some other people to see Twilight at midnight on Friday morning. I have tons of problems with the movie, but I still loved it, and I'm going to see it again with Hana next week, hopefully.

So here's the deal: I plan to write up a review, and I really want to post it, but I don't want to spoil anyone, and it WILL have spoilers. So what do y'all think? Should I post it and let people decide for themselves whether or not to scroll down? Or should I just write it and send it to any of you who ask for it?

And that's why we live in the SOUTH

2008-11-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

My mother to me, as I walked out the door to go hunting, bundled up beyond all recognition:

"Goodbye. I love you. Be safe. Kill something."

Quotables!

2008-11-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

I'm shocked that Shanny-pants hasn't bugged me to death about posting these yet. ;-)

***

Jordan: Kaaaaatie Beeeeethums. Oh, sweet Kaaaaaatie Beeeeeethums.

Katie: Jooooordanums!

Jordan: With skin so fair and hair so red, if I say she likes pink, soon I'll be quite dead!

Katie: :-D

Jordan: Kaaaaaaatie Beeeeethums! Oh, deadly Kaaaaaaatie Beeeeeeethums!

it's a short song

needs work

Katie: rofl

Jordan: but I'm proud of it thus far

Katie: I'm glad :-D

Derrick: no way

still up?

Katie: lol

shocked?

;-)

Derrick: very

Katie: I DO frequently stay up past midnight, you know

Derrick: since when?

Katie: um... since years ago before I ever met you?

Derrick: you existed before you met me? =o

sad existence

Katie: HAR HAR

Dave: We only wear formals to weddings, funerals, and other sad events.

Clayton: whenever i see him, I feel an ominous evil feeling

Katie: lol

Clayton: like I want to torch a teddy bear

Nathan: hi

this is Isaiah

Katie: well hi! :-P

Nathan: :)

Katie: when did you change your name?

Nathan: lol

a few minutes ago when I hijacked the keybaord

*keyboard

shucks

nvm

:-p

Nathan: Back to your regularly-scheduled Nathan programming on the Nathan channel. All Nathan, all the time.

(except for when Isaiah takes over my computer)

KB: Your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?
Mommy: Not enough.

VA: Deer season starts today.
David: Done been!

Nala: I love trees better then boys, because unlike with boys, you can tell which ones will hold you or not.

A conversation in texts. I was ordered to post it.
Nala:
Ethan: why are you poking me?! I'm talking lol
Nala: because guess what I learned I like trees better then boys. guess why
Ethan: Because they...they...absorb sunlight through their hair
Nala: noooo silly ethan
Ethan: LET ME GUESS AGAIN
Nala: ok
Ethan: Because they...grow fungus on the south side of their trunk? (or is it north?)
Nala: nooooo silly ethan give up?
Ethan: No Because they don't bleed to death when you cut a branch (arm) off?
Nala: noooo rofl
Ethan: Because trees suck water through their toes. that has to be it
Nala: I WISH...but no
Ethan: i give up
Nala: if you keep guessing you might get it ok I like trees better then boys because, unlike boys, you can always tell which trees are able to hold you without breaking any part of you eventually.
Ethan: WOW

Rebecca: Y'all are hanging around me like flies!
KB: Maybe you stink.
Rebecca: Or I have sweet blood.
KB: *odd Twilight moment* o_O

VA: *comes in* NA NA NA NAAA--oh hi.

Jesse: I'm so tired. So cold. So hot.

Anna: You have such a truthful little mind, Katie Beth.

Patience: Do you know the phone number 4750?
KB: I do now.

Patience: I have ten toeth. I wath hoping I would have more than that.

Kyle: so my toe has an issue
KB: "an issue"?
KB: what is this "issue"?
Kyle: partially ingrown toenail again
Kyle: ugh
Kyle: so it's partially infected
Kyle: so it partially hurts
KB: you really oughta get that checked out
Kyle: denied
Kyle: NEVER CARED FOR WHAT THEY DO
KB: fine
Kyle: NEVER CARED FOR WHAT THEY KNOW
KB: don't get it checked out :-P
Kyle: k
Kyle: ftw
KB: lol
Kyle: nah it's not bad like last time
KB: YET
Kyle: and the dr absolutely destroyed it when he "fixed it\"
KB: ew
KB: don't go back to him then
Kyle: and I had to wear a massive blood soaked bandage for weeks
KB: gross
Kyle: mk
KB: how much of this are you making up? I don't remember the massive blood soaked bandage
Kyle: I kept it on my toe
Kyle: I don't think you normally inspect those
Kyle: I'd hope atleast
Kyle: ok
Kyle: I just conducted a self op
KB: um, you showed your toe to EVERYBODY
Kyle: no blood
Kyle: oh
KB: and it made your mom shriek
KB: that was funny
KB: and you took a picture of it
KB: THAT was funny
Kyle: ok so I just cut off the side of my toenail
Kyle: with minor pain
Kyle: and no bleeding
Kyle: the dr couldn't seem to do that
KB: sheesh
KB: now it's gonna grow back weird
Kyle: So much pain I almost passed out, and that was after he had squirted lots of pain killer on my blood
KB: ewwww
Kyle: and he stuck needles DEEP into my toie
Kyle: unfortunately I cannot find my toe picture
KB: GROSSSSSS
KB: your mom deleted it off the camera
Kyle: no I had one online
Kyle: to show my internet peeps

Patience: Do thomething exthiting and I'll give you a chip.

Isaiah: oh darn... I have to get my fake license before I can work for chacha

:-p

Katie: rats!

lol

Isaiah: You have to be 18+

course, I do have plenty of sibs who are in that age range....

Katie: lol

Isaiah: and of course, friends like you

actually, you

:-p

KB: *suddenly hugs Zach's arm* Yeah, c'mon Zach, let's swing dance! *lets go* Ok, I'm sorry. That was weird.
Zach: *pats my head* You'll get better.

After giving a long list of all the ideas in my head:

Nala: I thought you were exhausted

Katie: I am

I'm totally dead

but that never keeps my brain from working

Nala: I see

Katie: I have a hard time napping because my brain thinks it's time to go into overdrive

"Oh! She's not moving! She must want to concentrate!"

I come up with my weirdest ideas when I'm tired :-D

some of which turn out fabulously

I usually come up with lyrics when I'm in bed

Nala: wow

all I do in bed is sleep

Nala: I'll see you in a tick

Katie: O_O

Nala: unless you're in bed

Katie: I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A TICK

Nala: ROFL

I'll be in a tick

Katie: GROSS

I'LL SAVE YOU

Nala: and I won't suck your blood, honest

Katie: I'LL SAAAAAAAAVE YOU

VA: That guy looks like a bad guy in a movie. He's panning gold so he must be.

Isaiah: I should go finish my math test...

Katie: lol, ok

Isaiah: and by finish, I mean start

Katie:

Isaiah: and by finish, I'm referring to the fact that it's due tomorrow morning

Shannon O: I'm falling apart before my very eyes

Shannon O: I love all people.

KB: *sits down across from Anna* Hi!
Anna: I don't feel safe with you there.

Shannon Y: Tell Genise she's on crack.

KB: Hey Pookums!
Pookums: Wah?
KB: Are you as svelte as svelte can be?!
Pookums: Yah!

Listening to "Lucky":
VA: Hey Mommy, you should play this at your funeral. I mean your anniversary!
Mommy: What, are you anxious?! I think you enjoyed the weekend with me away too much!

Derrick: With Rue My Heart is Laden (The KB friendly version) by AE Housman
With dew my pants are sodden
For golden spills not glad
For many a nickel begotten
An unfair trade I've had
By luck: An angry girl
I lament with embarassing shout
For paper towels I would unfurl
But O! Alas! I am out....
Derrick: :)
KB: boo
Derrick: well, whaddya think?
KB: and how odd that you should call me "Killer Bear:
"*
Jon says my new name is "Killer Bee"
um
it has paper towels in it :-D
I don't know what to think when paper towels are involved
Derrick: BOUNYful praise
would be nice
*BOUNTYful
I thought it was mighty Charmin

KB: Is [name removed] a citizen?
Ruby: Is he WHAT?
KB: A citizen!
Ruby: OH! I thought you said is he sexy! I was like, uhh, I dunno, I guess!
We die.

Nala: sorry, got distracted by Justin Timberlake in a leotard and tights and high-heels...

Daddy: Well aren't you just a little lord-a-leaping.

What is this?!

2008-11-15T20:18:00.000-08:00

It is November 15th, and I am in shorts and a tank top. And I'm comfortable.

Just say no to Vitamin B12

2008-11-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

I was forcefully reminded the other day of a severely traumatizing childhood experience.

Seeing my mother--my own mother--putting Vitamin B12 drops into her tea or water or whatever strange concoction she had brewing caused me to have flashbacks of a disturbing nature. Small children with fear on their faces. A house in the dead of night. Shrieking. My grandmother jumping on the sofa. That last one was the kicker.

"What is THAT?" I asked. Don't doubt that my nose was already screwed up in anticipatory dislike. Droppers are weird.

"Oh, it's Vitamin B12," my parent said to me.

Comprehension dawned.

"No!" I screamed. "Don't do it!"

"What?!" said the poor woman.

"Stop!" I said. "That's VITAMIN B12! Don't you KNOW?"

"Um," she said.

"That's what made Marnie jump up and down!" I yelled.

"Oh..." she said. Comprehension is a liberal substance. It spreads like Elmer's and lights up the visage. It lit up my mother's now.

"WHAT made Marnie jump up and down?" asked Virginia, coming into the room at a bad time, as usual.

And so I told the story.

***

In the way of background for those members of my readership who aren't my sister (or my mother, for that matter), my cousins and I used to go to Marnie's house for Vacation Bible School every summer. We stayed for a week, went to said VBS, got homesick, ate Spaghettio's and Cocoa Puffs, fought over the colors of our dishes (which all had straws attached), went to the beach (Marnie lived across the street from Myrtle Beach), memorized Bible verses in exchange for candy and fame, watched The Stupids over and over and over again, and generally had a rollicking good time. We also frequently fell over backwards in the bar chairs ("Don't lean!" Marnie said, and we did. "You'll fall!" Marnie said, and we did. "I told you so," Marnie said, and she had.), and I was so scared of the painting on the wall--which, I'll admit, still sort of worries me--that Marnie had to cover it with a blanket. But most of this is beside the point.

The point is that we were there, at Marnie's house, for VBS. When we were very small, only Charlie and Josh and I would go. Charlie and Josh representing the Uncle Mike side of the family, I representing the Uncle David (aka Daddy) side. As Jesse and Virginia got older they were added to the collection, as was Cousin Bryant to represent the Aunt Andrea division. As Charlie and Josh had no other siblings, they had to make do with themselves.

Another exciting thing to do at Marnie's was to watch her take her vitamins. This was a Big Deal, because Marnie had many, many vitamins. Some people collect China. Some people collect hats. Some people just collect Chinese (ok, kidding). Marnie, apparently, collected vitamins. The most exciting part of the morning--possibly excluding Cocoa Puffs, but I doubt it--was watching Marnie fill her entire hand up with vitamins and take them all at once. We're talking ten or fifteen at once, I'm guessing. I think if someone tried to do that now I would be ready and waiting to do the Heimlich, but I was too small to do the Heimlich then, and I also didn't know what it was, so it's a good thing Marnie didn't die. We used to cheer her on with shouts of, "More! More!" until she insisted that she couldn't possibly do any more at once.

One night after Virginia was safely in bed upstairs (I don't remember if Jesse was there this particular summer, which was nine or ten years ago. I don't remember him, so he might have been at camp, but I'm too lazy to get up and find out.) Charlie and Josh and I were watching Marnie take her evening vitamins. This wasn't usually as exciting as the morning vitamins, I think because she didn't have nearly as many, but we watched anyway. This evening she took out a little bottle that we had never seen before.

"What's that?" we asked. Probably in chorus.

"It's vitamin B12," said Marnie. "It gives me LOTS of energy. You'd better watch out; I might go crazy!"

"Ha ha," we said. "It does not!" O, foolish words!

"It does!" said Marnie. "I just put some in my nose like this"--she put a bright red drop in each nostril--"and sniff"--she sniffed--"and in a few minutes I'll be FULL of energy!"

We were disbelieving in our youthful naivete, but never a trio to turn down even a hint of entertainment, we waited. Soon Marnie started bouncing, then hopping, then she was racing around the living room giggling at the top of her lungs.

"Ok!" she shrieked. "Hehe! I'm going to bed! Hehe! Goodnight!"

And she hopped off to bed.

We stared at each other in horror.

"Was that... was that real??" we asked each other.

Charlie said he didn't think it was real, but... it sure looked real.

"Whoops!" said Marnie, hopping out of her bedroom like a rabbit on crack. "Forgot this! Hehe! Goodnight!" And she jumped down the length of the sofa, grabbed whatever she had forgotten from the table, whizzed past us, and slammed her bedroom door in excitement.

"That was scary! I'm goin' to bed!" And we all raced up the stairs together, each trying to get away from downstairs as fast as possible.

I don't exactly remember what happened the next morning. I think we timidly asked Marnie if she was feeling ok last night, and she assured us she didn't remember anything out of the ordiary.

***

Our old friend, Comprehension, now dawned on Virginia's face.

"Was THAT what that was?" she said incredulously. "I remember hearing some shrieking and banging, but I didn't know what it was."

"That's what that was. It was SCARY," I said, shivering. "Mommy, don't take that stuff!"

"But that wasn't real!" said Mommy.

"Well, I know," I said. "But we didn't know that at the time. We sort of didn't think it was, but we weren't sure, and it was SCARY. THAT'S what matters."

"Come on, she was just playing with y'all!"

"Well I know that NOW, but we didn't THEN," I said.

And then she took the stuff.

I am scarred for life.

Wow, tagged

2008-10-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

I always feel compelled to do these things. No idea why. :-D

So Noble tagged me list six random things about myself. Then I get to tag y'all. BUAHAHAHAHA.

1. I am currently sick and about to be really behind and panicky about psychology homework (which I despise).

2. I love the number 16, even though being 16 was not so fun.

3. I want to try pen and ink drawings.

4. I am terrified of failure (failure something like getting a B in a class, and anything worse).

5. I am not a spectacular photographer. ;-)

I now tag: Shannon, Hana, Grace Anne, Joy, and Clayton. Fire away!

GO

2008-10-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Even though I'm a n00b, I submitted a critique on Threadless. So go check it out and vote. Plz. :-)

Epiphany

2008-10-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

"What are you doing Wednesday night?" Karoline asked me on Sunday.

"Um, nothing, I think," I said.

"Do you want to be doing something?" she said.

"Sure!"

So Jesse and I, along with Kyle, Kimberly, Kerr, and Caleb (I'm sure Jesse and Evan felt very insecure at being the only two there whose names didn't start with a "K" sound), went over to Karoline and Evan's new apartment on Wednesday night.

As we waited for the Three K's and The C to arrive, we sat in the very neat and tidy living room and talked. As we wandered from subject to subject, we eventually landed on teeth. Jesse had just had his bands changed (to bright red, which makes me laugh), so we discussed all of our various experiences with braces and/or wisdom teeth. Evan has had braces, Karoline has had her wisdom teeth removed, and I've had both, so there was much to ponder.

In the course of the discussion Evan's face suddenly lit up. "Karoline!" he said. "I've remembered something about this chair. I've remembered why the arm wiggles."

Karoline, though surprised, merely asked, "And why is that?"

"It was because when I got my braces, I slammed my fist into the arm of the chair repeatedly because I wanted something else to hurt more than me. That's why the arm wiggles."

And he wiggled the arm to demonstrate.

What with chair wiggling and things like Kimberly's statement that the boys "keep talking about my MOM", it was a very entertaining night.

I Am

2008-10-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

This poem template swept through the great blogosphere a while back, but I never jumped on the bandwagon. Now I get to do one for English, so I'm posting it here.

Write your own I Am poem.

***

I Am

I am golden and ambitious
I wonder why some grapes have spots
I hear music on the wind
I see color calling my name
I want to impart enthusiasm
I am golden and ambitious

I pretend to be a frog
I feel Narnia's magic
I touch a puppy's fur
I worry about fear
I cry for the pain of my friends
I am golden and ambitious

I understand the symmetry of a parabola
I say God is true
I dream of Heroes and friends and cars
I try to excel
I hope for success
I am golden and ambitious

Between the Lane Lines: Chronicles of a Redheaded Lifeguard

Quotables!

Quotables!

An Open Letter

Things I'm Learning Lately

Quotables!

Mi casa es NO su casa

Ummm..... Quotables?

Quotables!

Just When You Think You're Safe, You Ain't

Cupcake Carnage 2010

Quotables!

Because I Am a Lifeguard

Notes, Observations, and Other Eccentricities

How to Write an Essay 101

Quotables!

My cell phone has a sense of humor

Don't Limit Me, Desk Ladies

"It's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car and not because I printed it out recently."

School is eating me alive

One person can only handle so much - Part 2

One person can only handle so much - Part 1

Quotables!

A Life Lesson

I would like a dozen Candied Octopodes

The Oblivion of Parenthood - OR - What Daddy Did

I am 21 today

Hannah WOULD tag me for a photo thing

Geese go *shoop*

Quotables!

Juliet is here!

Memorial Day and Elsie Dinsmore

Well (and more fish)

Sorry....

Really? I said that?

Quotables!

This family has problems

Stuff White People Like

A great milestone has been reached

I gots me a fan club!

I won't tell you what I really call him

How to Tuna Fish

Gang Boss 101

Free Gmail Stickers - Yes, Really

Aaaaaaaaand kickoff!

Quotables!

School with Barak

Shaving Your Whole Body Is Gross

Seriously

Red herring! Red herring!

Let me just TELL you...

Merry Christmas everyone!

Gerbils, Jelly Bears, and Epic Dramas

Quotables!

I haff been editing

On Mothers and Stuff

Twilight Director Catherine Hardwicke Gets the Boot

Prayer request

Of Green Toes and Other Things

So, Twilight

And that's why we live in the SOUTH

Quotables!

What is this?!

Just say no to Vitamin B12

Wow, tagged

GO

Epiphany

I Am

Geese go shoop