School is eating me alive

So you get quotables! Enjoy.

(In other news, I need to swing dance.)

***

Stephen: *staring at something on the counter*
Genise: That is a strawberry bagel.
Stephen: Oh. It looks like someone died in the batter.

Stephen: UUUUNNNNNHHHHHHH. And again I say UUUUNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH.

Lizzie: my across the hall-mate decided that I was my roommate's imaginary friend

Lizzie: we should have a reunion
all groover friends
that would be nuts
KB: I agree
I think that would be fantastic
except we would have to have it, like... everywhere in the world
cuz that's the only place that would fit us all
everywhere
Lizzie: hahaha
wow
i think we could fit in russia
its big
KB: we probably could fit in russia
and they don't really have anything to do with anyway
all the ruskies
so we could kick 'em out temporarily
and use their space
and their furry hats
Lizzie: haha, good luck
KB: we'd ned thsoe too
need*/those*
Lizzie: yeah, they have plenty of furry hats
KB: definitely
an abundance, I'd say
Lizzie: probably a plethora

Lizzie: I miss small lisping redheads saying funny, funny things
KB: hahaha
Lizzie: and also you and va and jesse
but also small lisping redheads
KB: yeah, the small lisping redheads pretty much take the cake
Lizzie: yeah, and I don't even like cake that much
they can have it anytime
KB: same here
Lizzie: ice cream is more better
KB: I like brownies
Lizzie: as long as they are made of ice cream
:)
i like brownies too

Mr. Turner: *sudden coughing fit* *surprised voice* I swallowed my gum.

KB: Hi.
Patience: Hey babeh.

Daddy: Hey, we're havin' a party!
KB: I DON'T THINK I CAN COME.
Daddy: We're gonna have a party!
KB: I GUESS IT COULD BE FUN..... Are we really having a party?
Anna: It's Ginger Ale. That's pretty much, like, all of the party.

Anna: Katie Beth, do your snazzy Y friends love you?
KB: Um... yeeees?
Anna: Do they love you like a cool summer wind?
KB: .........
Patience: I know they don't.
Anna: I know they do.

KB: read a boring history book or something and you'll be sleepy
Kyle: lol
Kyle: read chinese historu
Kyle: :-/
KB: you could read my nutrition book
Kyle: no :-/
KB: that would probably bore you to death
Kyle: the internet is pretty boring
KB: haha
Kyle: I am going to write a song
Kyle: "The internet is boring tonight"
KB: hahaha
KB: tell me how it turns out
Kyle: it won't

Rebecca: I have a quotable and I demand you put it on youw blog.

About a kid in art class talking about how peacocks are beautiful:
Patience: But little kidth can't even thay beautiful!

Anna: WHERE did you get that Chik-Fil-A cup?
KB: .............

Sarah: Laken! You're supposed to be treading water! Why are you floating on your back?!
Laken: I'm not floating! I'm treading water with my ears.

Jesse: *at 8:30 pm* Good morning.
KB: .....Not yet!
Jesse: I was born before my time.

VA: I've never had pancakes like the ones at the Biblical Student Worldview Conference.
KB: ....They were bad, right?
VA: Yeah, they were like, *makes unbending motions with hands*. They were like rubber. You could have made tires out of them.
KB: *only sort of listening* Mmhm.
VA: They were like a snack for the road.
KB: *looks at her*
VA: *smug, expectant look*
KB: You just wanted to say that, didn't you.
VA: *starts to giggle* Yeah. I thought of it earlier and I've been waiting to say it. Hee hee hee!

Patience: *runs by completely naked* Bloooooming tiiiiiiiger!

KB: *takes out finished peacock drawing* Hello, peacockian.
VA: He's hott.

Mommy: *praying* And I pray that You'll help Jesse and Alec to be themselves but still make a good impression.

Talking about plant adaption in Biology:
Dr. Settles: And you know how it is when your neighbor's all pushin' against you and annoying you and crowding you out and not letting you get any food. What do you do when your neighbor's all in your space? You turn around and you eat your neighbor.

CRASH
Anna: Nothing broke!

Ashley: Yes, Pirates are winning!
KB: Sweet. Who are they playing?
Ashley: UCF.... wherever that is.
KB: University of... Central... Florida?
Ashley: Is that what it is?
KB: I dunno, I made that up.
Ashley: Oh. University of... Califffffornia?
KB and Ashley: Nooo.......
KB: University of... Colorado at... Finland?
Ashley: University of College Flappers?
KB: They play football?
Ashley: That's why we're winning.

VA: You look like you need to be kissed.
Patience: Well I don't. I jutht look like it.

Anna: A pound cake: WEIGHS a pound, and you POUND it with your hands!
KB: Incorrect.
Anna: What?! I thought I looked it up in the Great Dictionary of Anna's Mind!

Patience: I get thick a lot.
KB: You do not.
Patience: I do! I remember at leatht TWO TIMETH when I got a FEVER.
KB: Patience... you're six years old... that's not--
Patience: Onthe I got thick from playing marbleth.

William: I dot dat boom boom pow.

Daddy: Hey, wanna squeeze a workout in?
KB: .................Right NOW??
Daddy: Yeah!
KB: But then we'd be all gross and sweaty!
Daddy: We'd have time to shower!
KB: IN THE DAY???
Daddy: ...........................Yeesss?
KB: No one showers IN THE DAY! It's WRONG!
Daddy: Okaaaayyyy....
A few minutes later:
Daddy: I just asked Jesse. He said, "*makes disturbed eyes* Wouldn't we have to shower?"

William: I haven't not too!

Watching bobcat videos:
Daddy: Who thinks up these tricks?
Anna: Benjamin Franklin.

Patience: *COUGHHACKWHEEZECOUGHCOUGH*
KB: How are you feeling, Patience?
Patience: *COUGHHACKCOUGHCOUGH* Good.

William: *stands on the base of the basketball hoop* Dith ah my hoppletopple.
KB: .......A hoppletopple?
William: No! A hoppletopple!
KB: ...........A hoppertopper?
William: NO! Dith ah my hoppletopple!
KB: .................*bright assenting voice* Oh! ............Cool! *really has no idea*
After William leaves:
KB: Daddy, do you know what a "hoppletopple" is?
Daddy: Uh... no.... What is it?
KB: I don't know. William said the base of the basketball hoop was one. Maybe I'll ask Anna later. I bet she'll know.
Later:
KB: Anna, do y'all call the base of the basketball hoop a funny name?
Anna: Nooooo..... why?
KB: William said it was a.... "hoppletopple," or something like that.
Anna: Oh! *like it's obvious* That's a helicopter!
KB: Ah. I thought you'd know.

Answering the phone:
Anna: Goodnight, I mean goodbye, I mean hello?

Answering the phone again:
Anna: Hello? ..........Nooooo, Mr. Allen does not live here... OOOHHHHH, sorry!! *nervous hopping*
Us: *DIE*
Anna: *after she hangs up* That WAS Mr. Allen.

William: Yook Mommy, I a women!
Mommy: Nooo.... you're a little boy.
William: No! I a women!
Mommy: You're not a woman, William.
William: NO! I A WOMEN!
Mommy: William, you're not--
Rebecca: Mommy, he's saying he's SWIMMING.

Mommy: Girls, did you see how William obeyed me just then?
Anna: Nope!
Mommy: I told him not to play with that and he said, "Okay," and put it down. That's how y'all need to obey.
KB: Even though he completely ignored me when I told him....
Mommy: Well that is true....
Anna: Ok Mommy! That's how I'll obey. I'll completely ignore Katie Beth and--
KB: Hey! Mommy, no!!

Anna: Mommy, I am SO AWESOME. I mean, I am SO GOOD at figuring stuff out!
KB: And you're so egotistical!
Anna: Yeah! I'm egertistical!
KB: I don't think you know what "egotistical" means.
Anna: What does it mean?
KB: It means you're proud.
Anna: *horrified, sheepish face* OH. I thought it meant I was eager!

William: *giggling* Nooo! Don't tickle my yittle feet!
Us: HA HA! *tickle him some more*
William: Don't tickle my yittle tummy!!

Patrick: I won't be able to tell if it's thundering because that woman's kicking is so... thunderous.

Genise is so involved in ignoring Drew on Skype that she isn't paying attention:
KB: You're watching golf.
Genise: Oh! *changes the channel*

With Drew on Skype on Genise's computer and GTalk on KB's computer:
Genise: Wow, it's like Drew in surround sound.

Anna: Katie Beth, did you see the Mexican band at Wal-Mart???
KB: No, I wasn't there then.
Anna: It was so cool! They were dressed all the same, and they were singing in Spanish or Russian or something!

One person can only handle so much - Part 2

I was sitting here eating pizza and I thought, "Hey, what better way to gross myself out than to post the second half of that blog post!"

So here I am.

I spoke of cake on cake before. Some of you (ok, one of you) told me that cake on cake didn't sound that bad, and definitely gave me to believe that it was something you (ok, he) would willfully ingest.

Well you're wrong. WRONG, I tell you. Cake on cake is a glorified Oreo, and if I wanted an Oreo I would have gotten an Oreo. It isn't like we don't have giant Costco boxes of Oreos around here. In fact, I had some today.

But I digress.

The second part of this mad journey of Absolutely Wrong burst upon me one day when I looked in the fridge ("It's not the 'fridge,' Patience told me later, "It's the fridgerator."). I don't remember what I was looking for, but it didn't matter. I only saw one thing anyway.

And I was disgusted.

I was repulsed.

I was angry.

I was repulsed.

Did I mention I was repulsed?

You know that I would never do this to you, but please. Allow me to rant. Just this once.

Advertising is a wonderful thing. Without it we would never get anywhere. It makes things known. It gets things accomplished. It's big, bad, colorful.

And ok, it plays with peoples' minds and makes them want things they don't need, and that totally appeals to the dictator in me.

But that's not what's going on here. Food advertising is supposed to make that particular food that you already need desirable. It's supposed to make you want this particular brand over that particular brand.

This box doesn't do that. It makes me want to puke. And that is bad for business.

Ok, get to the point, you say. Ok, I will.

I opened the fridge that day, and I saw... this.




Really, Katie Beth? you say. You got that worked up over butter?

Yes, really. You haven't seen the side of the box yet. Hold your ponies.



BUTTER CURLS.

BUTTER CURLS?

I'm telling you, no one eats butter curls.

Decorative curly garnishes should be things that you would ever, possibly, remotely want to eat by themselves. Nobody but cats and toddlers eats butter by itself, and if you say you do, I'll sock ya.

I understand chocolate curls. I would eat those. I understand the little curly carrot shaving things. I would eat those too. But I would never, never, NEVER eat a curled piece of butter, and seeing it on top of something would make me want to never eat anything else again, either.

Putting it on food or something is bad enough, but to put it on a BOX....

I need to meet the people who are designing these packages. I have some things to say.

Butter. Is. Not. Decoration. Butter churns, fine. They're homey and Laura Ingalls used them. Legit. Cows, great. They're farmey. Laura Ingalls used them too. But actual butter, in shapes that no one in their right mind would ever consider consuming, is disgusting. Every time I see the box it makes me want to put it back and make something that doesn't use butter.

At a niggling suspicion, I googled "butter curls" and found that people do indeed eat these little monsters. Which I guess just confirms my fear that the world is full of hopeless, messed up people. People with really high cholesterol.

The mother says that the people who partnered with the people designing these things are going to see these blogs and say, "I TOLD HIM that was a bad idea!"

If that's you, please call me. Please? I want to dissect your brain.