Friday, June 6, 2014


Becca: I have the wiggles

KB: Just realized an omelette is just a breakfast quesadilla.
Tim: I just realized a wrap is just a salad in a flour sleeping bag.

Regarding Maggie being a camp counselor:
KB: She just seems so wittle.
Patience: Oh, she’s huge.

Andrea: I said D-U-M-B the other day--
4-year-old Isabella: BUTT?!?!!

Becca: Hey guys, Lindsay is coming to stay the night tonight as long as everyone’s cool with that! :)
Drew: Ok. I’ll put a shirt on.
Becca: Good idea lol.
Drew: I mean, I think we’ve established that clothes are annoying.
Becca: And very overrated.

KB: I actually don’t remember how old these contacts are.
Tim: You’re not supposed to do that!
KB: It’s fine!
Tim: Yeah, until they have to amputate your eyes!

Andrea: Gabe said woo tonight
KB: I noticed that. I almost loled.
Andrea: Me too. If you were in eye contact our eyes would have met and we would have giggled

Daddy: Sorry I missed your call this morning. We were in a meeting with…...Kitchen Man.

Andrea: Can u get married ASAP so we can double date to the Bahamas this fall
We have extra room

Tim: Seth and I were talking recently about how we hate nonchalant nail clipping people

Becca: I like the idea of gluten-free waffles, but then I tried them and they weren’t that great.
KB: Really?
Becca: Yeah… I think it’s the syrup. I don’t really like syrup.
KB: So don’t use syrup?
Becca: But I like syrup…
KB: But you just said you don’t like syrup….
Becca: Well not on my waffles…
KB: So what do you eat on your waffles?
Becca: Syrup…
KB: I’m so confused.
Becca: I think I like the IDEA of syrup… but it’s too sweet.
KB: So don’t use it!
Becca: But I like it!

Tim: i called alina a fatty and she cried

Becca: Are you cold?
Erin: Yeah.
Becca: *with her mouth suddenly and inexplicably filled with ice* Do you wanna ithe coob?
KB: Hahaha!
Becca: Don’t make fun of me, KB!
KB: How could I not?!
Becca: I don’t currently have an answer to that question.
KB: Yeah, cuz you’re fulla ithe coob!
Becca: Do YOU wanna ithe coob?

At school:
Joe: Can you come with me for a second? I need to get my moonshine.

Pat: If the fish has babies yall help ‘em with lamaze, ok?

Becca: Was that a pooptable??

The boy Becca nannies wrote his Mother's Day assignment about Becca. One item on his list was, "She is a good cook."
KB: WAIT. I just looked at that picture again and saw #5. Either Jack has low standards or you've been hiding something!!! ;-)
Becca: There is a word I would use here but it would cost me a quarter in the swear jar. -_-

KB: The internet makes things more confusing than necessary.
Becca: Lets delete the Internet

Rebecca's foot falls asleep
Rebecca: Wake up, foot! Your country needs you!

Becca: I went to a movie last night
All alone

KB: Mr. and Mrs. Duncan say hi to yall and everybody, and Mr. Duncan says to give you all hell.
Dad’s response: Why, that’s a nice sentiment.
Mom’s response: You can check that second one as done. :)

KB: I don't know what to get people for their birfdays
Rebecca: Me either.
KB:  but one of them's yours
Rebecca: Well...I want to make this pattern sometime, so I guess that's a suggestion.  
She sends me a link for a dress pattern
KB: ok, well, that'd be good for William I guess, but what do YOU want?
Rebecca: Toy cars.
KB: oh, that's easy
Rebecca: Millions of them.
And maybe some motorcycles and legos for good measure.
KB: remote controlled?
Rebecca: Oh, yes.

KB: I am bored, tell me a story
Rebecca: Once upon a time, there was a girl who demanded that her little sister tell her a story, because she was bored, so the little sister did.  The end.
KB: that was the worst story ever
you better tell another one
a better one
one with more inherent fun
Rebecca: Once upon a time there was a plague, and everyone died except for one person, and so she went and played on a swingset that all the mean kids had never let her play on when they were alive, and had fun.  The end.

Drew: Just say no, to snacks, and drugs, and Leo’s nose on the back of your thigh.
Becca: We should make a poster!

Drew: Hey, how much do I owe you?
Becca: Well, doobaflatchit gave me… hang on.
They do some calculations
KB: Wait, was *I* doobaflatchit? I just assumed someone else was doobaflatchit, but now I’m thinking *I* may have been doobaflatchit.
Becca: You were doobaflatchit.

Drew: Do you wanna build a snowman?
KB: I’m not going to respond to that.
Drew: Ok bye….

KB: One of the worst things ever if when you poop in a public bathroom and then there’s no soap. You’re all like UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Becca: Ew. Don’t ever shake my hand again
KB: I’ll try to remember to stop that habit
Becca: Good. It’ll be difficult, I have really awesome hands. But they only touch clean things - like Leo. He’s really clean. He cleans his butt and his fur with the same tongue...but it’s clean because he cleans it. He is worthy of my hands.

Becca: I just sang Leo some Taylor swift music. He’s officially the love of my life
KB: But he didn’t break up with you, how can you sing T-Swifty about him?
Becca: There are a select two songs I choose from

VA: The other day, me and Rump were talking about how we’re such a progressive couple. He’s shorter than me, and we’re an interracial couple.
KB: Because you’re black?
VA: Why yes.
KB: Well that makes sense.
VA: Breaking social boundaries. We’re pioneers.

KB: I can hear the neighbor snoring again. That is absolutely 100% not ok.
Becca: We should go buy breathe right strips and place them on their back porch area
With a note that says: you’re disturbing angels. Please make it stop.

Luis: You’re my friend, ish.
KB: We shared a cupcake!! We have a bond!
Luis: *whispers* It’s not strong enough.

Rebecca: Maggie and I had our physicals this afternoon, and [the doctor] basically spent the whole time telling me that I need to eat constantly and get fat.

Pat: *with great urgency* Uh oh. *long pause* That man looks like a bumblebee.

KB: Oooooo I got sunburned again today... dangit!
VA: I will bring you a burkha tomorrow.

VA: Fiiiiiine, we can listen to arminian music.

KB: Could you drive less bumpily? I'm trying to work. GENIUS IS HAPPENING HERE.
VA: Where?

Genise: Riley was very sad that I left.
KB: You should have brought him, you could have put him in your bag.
Genise: One, he is not a purse dog. Two, I would never own a purse dog. Three, I think it’s degrading to dogs to put them in a purse. Four………
KB: Four….
Genise: Four…. all of the above.

Dad: Portland, OR - home of the ugly tattoo. Nice people, but ugly tattoos.

Friday, April 18, 2014


NOTE: I never thought it would be necessary to make a limit on poop-related quotables, but then things happened. So I made a limit. Then I ignored it.


Rump: Virginia, you’d be a good goalie.
VA: Why?
Rump: Because you could just stand there and be fat.

Becca: Feet are gross.
Drew: Ok!
Becca: I'm sorry, I have mad feet problems!
Drew: Says the girl who was just rubbing her feet!!!
Becca: I WASN'T RUBBING THEM!!! *very quietly* I wasn't rubbing them.

Tim: On a mostly unrelated note, I'm just looking at the Debrecen Synod of 1567 and they have a special section to show that women do indeed have souls. So that's good.

Becca: I just want you to know that it hurts my feelings that you don’t also text me while your pooping like you do to drew. Geez.
KB: LOL I honestly have no memory of texting Drew while pooping so it must have been many moons ago, but uhhhmm I can def start keeping you in the loop! Hahahaha
Becca: BAHAHA the poop loop

Alex: You should feel accomplished because on this day you handled a social situation with less tact and grace than I could’ve and that takes serious talent!

Miles: I’m sticking to my guns, no matter how small and ineffective they are. Musket balls are outdated. The world is flat.

Tim: It was really great that my family could stop by to check their phones in my living room tonight.

Andrea: I said spruce, awkward.

Alex: In mermaid form you look kind of like Ariel, just so you’re aware.

KB: Just wanted you to know that I’m pooping
Becca: Ironically, I am now pooping. Look at us keeping each other in the poop loop

KB: Oh, that guy does not match.
Tim: Who?
KB: He’s wearing the loudest striped sweatshirt and the loudest plaid shorts.
Tim: Do you need to go back? It seems like you need to get it out.

Becca: I have a paper due at midnight that’s 350 words. It’s short. But I’m still currently pulling it out of my butt. This counts as pooping to me so I thought I’d tell you.

KB: I’m still amazed at how I can stick my foot in my mouth and gnaw on it endlessly.
Hana: So am I when I keep TELLING you.

Tim: Well, anyway, your mom told me last night that I’m “looking so tall and thin these days”. So I’ve got that going for me.
KB: Lol. Is that tall part a new development?
Tim: She said being thinner makes me look taller.
KB: Huh. Wonder if that would work for me.
Tim: I would not recommend you experiment with being thinner.
KB: But I’m so short.
KB: I just ate a ton of fresh mango and I’m starting to think that was a bad idea.
Tim: It’ll make you shorter.

KB: I am retarded. I want to kick myself in the face.
We have a 15 minute conversation about why I’m retarded
Becca: Can you really not kick yourself in the face?
KB and Drew: That’s what you took away from this conversation??!?!!
Becca: Well, when you said that I was thinking, “KB’s legs are so long, she could totally kick herself in the face!” I was thinking about it the whole time! Can you try now??

Mike: You gotta love working at a place that has a beer bottle opener.
KB: ...That’s literally exactly what I was thinking before you walked in.

Getting into my messy car
Anna: I think I know the deal by now. Step on everything but the weightlifting book, right?

Mom: I haven't seen you flex your muscles in a while. You should do that again.
KB: ....??

Tim: Which book of the bible says a deacon must be able to answer a million emails per day?

KB: How can you have sooooo many papers??? It seems inhumane.
Becca: I think the more papers they give us the less chance we have of being in the world AND of the world.

Jess: If you see a wandering pizza person, they’re looking for me.
KB: Wandering pizza person, huh? Ok. If I see any homeless pizza people I’ll let you know.
Jess: I said wandering, not homeless!
KB: They might be the same.
Jess: No they’re not. Wandering people shower!

VA: One time me and Frosty were talking about coffee, and I was like, “...and it makes you poop a lot!” And then it was awkward because apparently that’s just me.
KB: What?! It totally makes everyone poop.
VA: I can’t decide if I should put that on facebook. I kind of want to. BUT I’m drinking coffee in class, and a guy I’m friends with on fb is sitting right behind me. Awkward…
KB: I’m putting this whole converation in quotables. So.

Becca: You should call Quotables "Pooptables".

Becca: I got really excited when you turned the kettle on, cause I was like, "Oh, Drew's having tea, so there'll be enough water for us both to have tea, [*evilly*] TOGETHER!!!"

Drew: Man! I used my peanut butter spoon for my tea!

Looking at a container of paint
Drew: I don't think this should be called "Golden Sunset." I think it should be called........ *thinks very hard*........... "yellow brown."

Regarding her kneaded eraser
Drew: I once wove a little blanket out of this.

KB: I'm still so full... I never stay full this long.
Tim: Chicken was battered in lembas...

Watching me pour motor oil from the pan to a jug
Tim: It seems like you could use two pairs of hands for this task.
KB: Well, yeah.
Tim: I'm wearing the headlamp, I don't know if I can do anything else.

VA: We passed somebody and I thought, "that girl has a nice butt." It wasn't a girl.

Andrea: Laying in my hammock is a good ab workout because you have to lift your butt off the ground the whole time

Tim:  it's my life long dream to become a welder
though I'd also be open to bison farmer

Tim: i submitted two complaints to the UPS today
all i want in life is to be able to order stuff from amazon and have it show up AT MY DOOR in two days
and this guy is destroying all my hopes and dreams
KB:  wow
at least you're easy to please....
Tim: yup
also hope to be able to eat cinnamon rolls on holidays
but that's secondary

Regarding men who Don’t Get It:
Becca: I don’t understand why I can’t smack sense into them. It should be a spiritual gift given to women.