Saturday, October 4, 2014


Becca: You have to plug in the… well, I don’t know what they’re called. I just call them the Red, White and Yellow. Just like the Red, White and Blue. They’re pretty much the same. Except they didn’t fight for liberty.

Tim: I love cake like a fat kid loves cake.

AJ: Ok, this box is sealed up tighter’n a crab’s buttocks!
KB: I didn’t know that was a thing, but good!
AJ: Oh yeah, crabs got buttockses!

KB: Last night I dreamed that you and I got our pilot’s licenses taken away.
VA: Danggg, not a good start.

AJ: I'm thinkin' about becomin' a male stripper and goin' by 'Rub-A-Dub-Chub.'

Alex: I went an watched a dragon ball z movie in the theater today because I’m a mature adult individual

Tim: I smell horrific.
KB: Bathe?
Tim: I’m at the gym.
KB: Oh. Then it doesn’t matter, right?
Tim: I’m offending myself.
Later, when I’m sleepy:
Tim: I could come and you could smell me and then you couldn’t even think about sleeping.

Becca: Also, I woke up around 2/230 last night and heard someone in our bathroom. I couldn't decide if it was KB or a bathroom troll. I'm hoping KB wasn't up that late so it was probs a troll
KB: Unfortunately KB was up that late. Tonight KB plans to come home from class, do laundry, and then crawl in bed and never leave.
Becca: I'm a little sad we don't have a troll

Tim: i like this convo about speedos and hymns

Tim:  you know what'd be cool?
KB:  what?
Tim:  my apartment
if I'd turned the ac on

Kyle and Andrea haven’t decided on a middle name for their child
Andrea: Not sure yet, any suggestions
KB: Wilfred
Andrea: You forfit your right to suggest

Tim: i should have a suger mama

Overheard in the locker room
Teenage daughter: Didn't we have a very, very pale woman with us?
Her mom: We did! I think she got lost.

VA: I got this ice cream the other day that had chocolate on one side, vanilla on the other side, and a fudge core all the way down the middle. O.O Soooo goooood.
KB: AND biracial!
VA: Delicious and socially conscious!

Regarding the color of the new siding
Mom: I'm not sure I love it, but I'll live with it for the next twenty years.
Tim: She said that about you once, Katie Beth.

KB: I bet my dad could probably fix our laundry room door.
Becca: Really?? If he wants to fix our door, I will make him some rice. It's all I have.

KB: Personally I'm sitting in bed weighing the pros and cons of having Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys for breakfast.
Jesse: Are there any cons?

Becca, via text: I'm so unmotivated to touch my homework that I'm unmotivated to even get up and come in your room to tell you about it

Upon being told to stop pacing while she eats

Tim: It hurt to put my suit on over my sunburn today. Wanted to wear a short dress.

William: One of my friends has a whatsitcalled….
Rebecca: A fever.
Tim: A turtle.
William: A loose tooth!

Tim: ladies always be wantin my shower curtain

Tim: can't remember if you're supposed to tithe the firstfruits of your ice maker

Becca: Today I started a war. Not some sissy war like World War I or II. No, not even an insignificant one like Vietnam. Today ramen and my tummy met for the first time in months and have decided they hate one another. I am giving all of my energy and love to my tummy but ramen is pulling ahead. There are some battles one must lose to win the war. We’re currently debating strategy on what to do next.

KB: I didn’t shave my legs last night. I feel like a woolly mammoth.
Becca: Omgoodness!!!!!!! 20,000 points for slytherin

Tim:  i hate having to pee at starbucks
don't like leaving my computer out
KB:  yeah... me neither
makes you nervous and peeing isn't as satisfying
Tim:  man
you get me, kb

Tim:  her dress is much shorter than mine

VA: Wanna see the giant gaping hole in my foot? Of course you do.

I whistle a little bit
Becca: Was that YOU?
KB: Yeah.
Becca: That was very birdlike!

Tim: I'm now wearing boxers and almost wearing socks
so I'm close to ready to leave

At William’s soccer game
Daddy: That kid is like a cedar of Lebanon.

Tim is trying to hang things in his new apartment, but he can’t find tools
Tim: *sadly* I guess it’s not hammer time.

Tim: Also, I apparently made coffee without turning on my kettle. It’s not great.

KB:  I also feel like my grocery list is missing crucial items but I can't remember what they are
Tim:  i HATE that
KB:  there was something that started with a B that I'm positive I'm missing
Tim:  butt powder

Tim:  going to wear my hiking shoes
and pack my running shoes
'cause I'm an adventurer
KB:  naturally
Tim:  sometimes i adventure naturally
usually wear at least something though

Tim:  Standing next to a record shop. That just sells records.
KB:  wut
Tim:  Like massive plastic mp3s

Pat: I’ve had the same thing for breakfast every day since I was in middle school. I drink a big glass of Instant Breakfast. I know you’re thinking, “Did they even make it back then, when there was no electricity?” But they DID.

Sliding the silverware holder in the drying rack
Becca: Whoa! This thing moves?!??! I didn’t know that!
KB: Becca, we’ve lived here for a year and two months….

Friday, August 1, 2014


Andrea: I broke a new record
KB: Uh oh
Andrea: I made in your quotable a 3 whole times O_o
I must be slightly funny now
I wish my brothers were here to see this moment

KB: Just realized there’s little to no hope of being able to have hilarious text conversations with my child when I’m 40. What is this life for, anyway.
Becca: I mean we’ll have holograms. What will you need texting for?
KB: I guess that’s true. But the point here is that any children I have probably won’t be old enough to be sufficiently funny by the time I’m 40.
Becca: That sounds like a personal problem. You should be marrying someone who is equivalent or funnier than you are so that your babies pop out being hilarious human beings

Tim: Caroline gave me and Chris mullets at the same time. Chris’s looked sooooooooooo good.

Becca: I shaved my legs twice in one week. Ten points for gryffendor!
Idk how to spell it

Tim: wow, this is the first time I've ever explained measure theory to my girlfriend of 3 hours. huge rush.

KB: Thunder!
Mike: I guess I should go close my sunroof, huh?
KB: Guess so.
Mike: I’ll be right back.
KB: Don’t die!
Pat: You just do what ya have to do, brother.

KB: Had lasagna for lunch. I think I’m dying a slow, monotonous death.
Becca: What songs do you want played at your funeral

Alex: I think you may have an addiction… we need to talk about your taco intake…

Cason: And I’m going to get fat. That will be a real test of his love.
KB: on purpose, just to test his love?
Cason: Yeah. It seems logical.
KB: I say go for it
Cason: I shall. I will start with night cereal.

Kyle: I feel so awkward. Im buying vegan mayonnaise at whole foods :x
KB: Grossss. Next you’ll be growing out your hair and going barefoot everywhere.
Kyle: I hate the approving and welcoming glances peoplr give me when I ask where the vegan cheese is

During the kitchen remodel
KB: So, how's the kitchen?
Maggie: Oh, mostly gone.

Tim: Whoa
What if I could make pancakes with the 1 egg I have
That would be awesome

Tim: Put a fleece blanket on my head to block the light
Now my head is drenched
KB: well YEAH.....
it's June!
Tim: I know that now....

Joe: You are the best real redhead I know

After our AC is fixed
Becca: I'm positive there's air conditioning in heaven. And that I slept there last night.

Tim: when you prove you can care for a sourdough starter, i'll get you a dog

Tim: I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before, but please go take a shower.

KB: I hate the days when you wear your no-wedgie underwear and even THAT gives you a wedgie.
Becca: Oh that’s so true. And you’re so excited when you put them on…”THESE ARE MY NO WEDGIE UNDERWEAR!!! Today will be GREAT!” And then they let you down.

Tim:  charm store?

Daniel: What was THAT? It SOUNDED like he was running funny.

Mom: Ok, no more vegetables for you.
Rebecca: Do you hear what you’re saying?

Tim: Sometimes I listen to reformed hip hop. Hope that’s ok.

Tim:  peoples stop annoying my girlfriend!

Tim: Ugh. Thousands of runners ended up at fullsteam.
KB: Thousands, huh?
Tim: I count for a living!

Becca: I was really looking forward to having a CONVERSATION in person with you this morning, Mrs. MIA. Always goneeeee
KB: Sorryyyyy!! I might be back earlier tonight… I hope….
Becca: ...we’ll see. I’m leaving tomorrow. Forever.
KB: MAN………
Becca: But I might come back late Sunday night. We’ll see
KB: Forever’s a lot shorter now than it was when I was a kid.
Becca: Lols you know, just redefining things. It’s what our generation does. Be you.

Leo has a parasite, and we name it Benjamin
Becca: Leo and Benjamin, time for bed!

We go visit Tim's 94-year-old grandma
Tim: Grandmom, don't you want to wake up and say hi to your grandson?
Grandma: *mostly asleep* I'll bite you.

Tim: Why are you do sleepy? Do they work you too hard here?
Grandma: Yep.
Tim: Put you down in the mines all day?
Grandma: Right. But we sleep real good after.

Tim: Can we have a whistle like the horn of Gondor so I can whistle whenever I’m in need?
KB: I’m not a very good whistler….
Tim: I don’t want you to whistle, I want to whistle so you’ll come when I need you!
KB: Oh. What would it sound like?
Tim: WOMAN! But in a whistle.

Daddy: Hello! Did Jesse's gift arrive yesterday?
KB: Yus!
Daddy: Hows citing! Total? How much did u want to contribute? Cuz I can haz V bring a check por usted.

Beth: You want some peaches, AJ?
AJ: Naw. If I eat somethin’ I want it to be somethin’ that can kill me. Like grease!

Becca: Leo, what are you doin’ right now? Go do somethin’. Eat your own paws or somethin’.

Becca: Also, decent burp. Not enough soul. I give it a 4
KB: My burps suck tonight. I had a good one at work and our sales lady was very impressed.
Becca: That’s lame. Who wastes their good burps at work?! You hold those suckers in and keep eating air till you get home