Friday, August 1, 2014


Andrea: I broke a new record
KB: Uh oh
Andrea: I made in your quotable a 3 whole times O_o
I must be slightly funny now
I wish my brothers were here to see this moment

KB: Just realized there’s little to no hope of being able to have hilarious text conversations with my child when I’m 40. What is this life for, anyway.
Becca: I mean we’ll have holograms. What will you need texting for?
KB: I guess that’s true. But the point here is that any children I have probably won’t be old enough to be sufficiently funny by the time I’m 40.
Becca: That sounds like a personal problem. You should be marrying someone who is equivalent or funnier than you are so that your babies pop out being hilarious human beings

Tim: Caroline gave me and Chris mullets at the same time. Chris’s looked sooooooooooo good.

Becca: I shaved my legs twice in one week. Ten points for gryffendor!
Idk how to spell it

Tim: wow, this is the first time I've ever explained measure theory to my girlfriend of 3 hours. huge rush.

KB: Thunder!
Mike: I guess I should go close my sunroof, huh?
KB: Guess so.
Mike: I’ll be right back.
KB: Don’t die!
Pat: You just do what ya have to do, brother.

KB: Had lasagna for lunch. I think I’m dying a slow, monotonous death.
Becca: What songs do you want played at your funeral

Alex: I think you may have an addiction… we need to talk about your taco intake…

Cason: And I’m going to get fat. That will be a real test of his love.
KB: on purpose, just to test his love?
Cason: Yeah. It seems logical.
KB: I say go for it
Cason: I shall. I will start with night cereal.

Kyle: I feel so awkward. Im buying vegan mayonnaise at whole foods :x
KB: Grossss. Next you’ll be growing out your hair and going barefoot everywhere.
Kyle: I hate the approving and welcoming glances peoplr give me when I ask where the vegan cheese is

During the kitchen remodel
KB: So, how's the kitchen?
Maggie: Oh, mostly gone.

Tim: Whoa
What if I could make pancakes with the 1 egg I have
That would be awesome

Tim: Put a fleece blanket on my head to block the light
Now my head is drenched
KB: well YEAH.....
it's June!
Tim: I know that now....

Joe: You are the best real redhead I know

After our AC is fixed
Becca: I'm positive there's air conditioning in heaven. And that I slept there last night.

Tim: when you prove you can care for a sourdough starter, i'll get you a dog

Tim: I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before, but please go take a shower.

KB: I hate the days when you wear your no-wedgie underwear and even THAT gives you a wedgie.
Becca: Oh that’s so true. And you’re so excited when you put them on…”THESE ARE MY NO WEDGIE UNDERWEAR!!! Today will be GREAT!” And then they let you down.

Tim:  charm store?

Daniel: What was THAT? It SOUNDED like he was running funny.

Mom: Ok, no more vegetables for you.
Rebecca: Do you hear what you’re saying?

Tim: Sometimes I listen to reformed hip hop. Hope that’s ok.

Tim:  peoples stop annoying my girlfriend!

Tim: Ugh. Thousands of runners ended up at fullsteam.
KB: Thousands, huh?
Tim: I count for a living!

Becca: I was really looking forward to having a CONVERSATION in person with you this morning, Mrs. MIA. Always goneeeee
KB: Sorryyyyy!! I might be back earlier tonight… I hope….
Becca: ...we’ll see. I’m leaving tomorrow. Forever.
KB: MAN………
Becca: But I might come back late Sunday night. We’ll see
KB: Forever’s a lot shorter now than it was when I was a kid.
Becca: Lols you know, just redefining things. It’s what our generation does. Be you.

Leo has a parasite, and we name it Benjamin
Becca: Leo and Benjamin, time for bed!

We go visit Tim's 94-year-old grandma
Tim: Grandmom, don't you want to wake up and say hi to your grandson?
Grandma: *mostly asleep* I'll bite you.

Tim: Why are you do sleepy? Do they work you too hard here?
Grandma: Yep.
Tim: Put you down in the mines all day?
Grandma: Right. But we sleep real good after.

Tim: Can we have a whistle like the horn of Gondor so I can whistle whenever I’m in need?
KB: I’m not a very good whistler….
Tim: I don’t want you to whistle, I want to whistle so you’ll come when I need you!
KB: Oh. What would it sound like?
Tim: WOMAN! But in a whistle.

Daddy: Hello! Did Jesse's gift arrive yesterday?
KB: Yus!
Daddy: Hows citing! Total? How much did u want to contribute? Cuz I can haz V bring a check por usted.

Beth: You want some peaches, AJ?
AJ: Naw. If I eat somethin’ I want it to be somethin’ that can kill me. Like grease!

Becca: Leo, what are you doin’ right now? Go do somethin’. Eat your own paws or somethin’.

Becca: Also, decent burp. Not enough soul. I give it a 4
KB: My burps suck tonight. I had a good one at work and our sales lady was very impressed.
Becca: That’s lame. Who wastes their good burps at work?! You hold those suckers in and keep eating air till you get home

Friday, June 6, 2014


Becca: I have the wiggles

KB: Just realized an omelette is just a breakfast quesadilla.
Tim: I just realized a wrap is just a salad in a flour sleeping bag.

Regarding Maggie being a camp counselor:
KB: She just seems so wittle.
Patience: Oh, she’s huge.

Andrea: I said D-U-M-B the other day--
4-year-old Isabella: BUTT?!?!!

Becca: Hey guys, Lindsay is coming to stay the night tonight as long as everyone’s cool with that! :)
Drew: Ok. I’ll put a shirt on.
Becca: Good idea lol.
Drew: I mean, I think we’ve established that clothes are annoying.
Becca: And very overrated.

KB: I actually don’t remember how old these contacts are.
Tim: You’re not supposed to do that!
KB: It’s fine!
Tim: Yeah, until they have to amputate your eyes!

Andrea: Gabe said woo tonight
KB: I noticed that. I almost loled.
Andrea: Me too. If you were in eye contact our eyes would have met and we would have giggled

Daddy: Sorry I missed your call this morning. We were in a meeting with…...Kitchen Man.

Andrea: Can u get married ASAP so we can double date to the Bahamas this fall
We have extra room

Tim: Seth and I were talking recently about how we hate nonchalant nail clipping people

Becca: I like the idea of gluten-free waffles, but then I tried them and they weren’t that great.
KB: Really?
Becca: Yeah… I think it’s the syrup. I don’t really like syrup.
KB: So don’t use syrup?
Becca: But I like syrup…
KB: But you just said you don’t like syrup….
Becca: Well not on my waffles…
KB: So what do you eat on your waffles?
Becca: Syrup…
KB: I’m so confused.
Becca: I think I like the IDEA of syrup… but it’s too sweet.
KB: So don’t use it!
Becca: But I like it!

Tim: i called alina a fatty and she cried

Becca: Are you cold?
Erin: Yeah.
Becca: *with her mouth suddenly and inexplicably filled with ice* Do you wanna ithe coob?
KB: Hahaha!
Becca: Don’t make fun of me, KB!
KB: How could I not?!
Becca: I don’t currently have an answer to that question.
KB: Yeah, cuz you’re fulla ithe coob!
Becca: Do YOU wanna ithe coob?

At school:
Joe: Can you come with me for a second? I need to get my moonshine.

Pat: If the fish has babies yall help ‘em with lamaze, ok?

Becca: Was that a pooptable??

The boy Becca nannies wrote his Mother's Day assignment about Becca. One item on his list was, "She is a good cook."
KB: WAIT. I just looked at that picture again and saw #5. Either Jack has low standards or you've been hiding something!!! ;-)
Becca: There is a word I would use here but it would cost me a quarter in the swear jar. -_-

KB: The internet makes things more confusing than necessary.
Becca: Lets delete the Internet

Rebecca's foot falls asleep
Rebecca: Wake up, foot! Your country needs you!

Becca: I went to a movie last night
All alone

KB: Mr. and Mrs. Duncan say hi to yall and everybody, and Mr. Duncan says to give you all hell.
Dad’s response: Why, that’s a nice sentiment.
Mom’s response: You can check that second one as done. :)

KB: I don't know what to get people for their birfdays
Rebecca: Me either.
KB:  but one of them's yours
Rebecca: Well...I want to make this pattern sometime, so I guess that's a suggestion.  
She sends me a link for a dress pattern
KB: ok, well, that'd be good for William I guess, but what do YOU want?
Rebecca: Toy cars.
KB: oh, that's easy
Rebecca: Millions of them.
And maybe some motorcycles and legos for good measure.
KB: remote controlled?
Rebecca: Oh, yes.

KB: I am bored, tell me a story
Rebecca: Once upon a time, there was a girl who demanded that her little sister tell her a story, because she was bored, so the little sister did.  The end.
KB: that was the worst story ever
you better tell another one
a better one
one with more inherent fun
Rebecca: Once upon a time there was a plague, and everyone died except for one person, and so she went and played on a swingset that all the mean kids had never let her play on when they were alive, and had fun.  The end.

Drew: Just say no, to snacks, and drugs, and Leo’s nose on the back of your thigh.
Becca: We should make a poster!

Drew: Hey, how much do I owe you?
Becca: Well, doobaflatchit gave me… hang on.
They do some calculations
KB: Wait, was *I* doobaflatchit? I just assumed someone else was doobaflatchit, but now I’m thinking *I* may have been doobaflatchit.
Becca: You were doobaflatchit.

Drew: Do you wanna build a snowman?
KB: I’m not going to respond to that.
Drew: Ok bye….

KB: One of the worst things ever if when you poop in a public bathroom and then there’s no soap. You’re all like UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Becca: Ew. Don’t ever shake my hand again
KB: I’ll try to remember to stop that habit
Becca: Good. It’ll be difficult, I have really awesome hands. But they only touch clean things - like Leo. He’s really clean. He cleans his butt and his fur with the same tongue...but it’s clean because he cleans it. He is worthy of my hands.

Becca: I just sang Leo some Taylor swift music. He’s officially the love of my life
KB: But he didn’t break up with you, how can you sing T-Swifty about him?
Becca: There are a select two songs I choose from

VA: The other day, me and Rump were talking about how we’re such a progressive couple. He’s shorter than me, and we’re an interracial couple.
KB: Because you’re black?
VA: Why yes.
KB: Well that makes sense.
VA: Breaking social boundaries. We’re pioneers.

KB: I can hear the neighbor snoring again. That is absolutely 100% not ok.
Becca: We should go buy breathe right strips and place them on their back porch area
With a note that says: you’re disturbing angels. Please make it stop.

Luis: You’re my friend, ish.
KB: We shared a cupcake!! We have a bond!
Luis: *whispers* It’s not strong enough.

Rebecca: Maggie and I had our physicals this afternoon, and [the doctor] basically spent the whole time telling me that I need to eat constantly and get fat.

Pat: *with great urgency* Uh oh. *long pause* That man looks like a bumblebee.

KB: Oooooo I got sunburned again today... dangit!
VA: I will bring you a burkha tomorrow.

VA: Fiiiiiine, we can listen to arminian music.

KB: Could you drive less bumpily? I'm trying to work. GENIUS IS HAPPENING HERE.
VA: Where?

Genise: Riley was very sad that I left.
KB: You should have brought him, you could have put him in your bag.
Genise: One, he is not a purse dog. Two, I would never own a purse dog. Three, I think it’s degrading to dogs to put them in a purse. Four………
KB: Four….
Genise: Four…. all of the above.

Dad: Portland, OR - home of the ugly tattoo. Nice people, but ugly tattoos.